I'm Not Calling For A Second Chance
by itainthardtryin
Summary: Brittany receives an e-mail on her 21st birthday that changes everything. Maybe the past is the past for a reason. Future Brittana fic.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N - This is a new multi-chapter future fic I'm starting to work on. I have planned out about eight chapters so far (there will be more than that, but that's as far as I've got!). I'm publishing chapter one to see if there's interest so please review/story alert to let me know if you like it. Updates should be fairly regular (once a week or more). I hope you enjoy :D.**

* * *

Tuesday's were always Brittany's busiest day. She's an arts reporter for the New Haven Register and even though it's her twenty-first birthday, there is no let up on the amount of work to be done. The articles need to be on Mr. Carson's desk by five sharp. He doesn't believe in e-mail; he wants everything hand delivered in hard copy format so he can approve of it before it's sent to the printing team. It's 4:27pm and she's starting to get stressed. The printer's jammed, the photographer sent her the pictures for the article in the wrong format and she has at least five missed calls from Quinn, all in the last ten minutes.

She's struggling with the printer, trying to remove the jammed paper when Tyler approaches her.

"Let me get that for you, Britt. You'll get those pretty hands all dirty otherwise," he says in an obviously flirtatious manner.

He's one of those sleazy guys that Brittany's just never had time for. He's about six foot tall with short, dark hair that he keeps perfectly styled. His skin is too tanned for the New Haven weather, and his clothes are pretty much all designer. He's been trying to get into Brittany's pants since she started here just over a year ago. She's turned him down time and time again but he doesn't seem to get the hint.

"I'm fine," Brittany retorts, getting impatient already.

"I insist."

He moves closer and places his hand over Brittany's, slowly pushing it away so he can remove the paper and save the day. Brittany folds her arms and stands back to watch him struggle. She fights the smirk that's appearing on her face because he's not making any more progress than she did. If anything he's making it worse.

After watching him painfully for a minute or two, she decides to leave him to struggle. She quickly makes her way over to her desk and puts the articles onto a memory stick and sprints down the stairs until she's three floors below in the administration department. She's pretty close with the team down here so they won't mind her using their printer.

When she gets back into the arts department, Tyler is standing beside the printer with toner covering both his arms up to his elbows, looking defeated. Brittany gives him a passing look, as if to say 'I told you so' as she makes her way back to her desk to put the articles together. She sends the photographer a quick e-mail telling him that the pictures are in the wrong format. He responds with the right ones about five minutes later.

At 4:56pm Brittany is in Mr. Carson's office, placing her articles on his desk for approval and printing. He gives her a look to say that she was cutting it fine, but she's one of his best reporters so he knows whatever she's turned in will be of the highest quality. She takes pride in everything she does and has a writing style that many journalists would kill for. It's what got her the job. Her interview process included a trip to a small family owned art gallery that had been open for years, but rarely had business. The candidates had to write a three hundred word piece to put it back on the map. Brittany won hands down. Not only was she hired for the Register, but the gallery even gave her a gift basket and free admission whenever she wanted as a thank you.

At five o'clock exactly, Brittany grabs her coat and bag and makes her way out to her car. On the way she calls Quinn back to see what was so urgent. Apparently Quinn has arranged for Brittany's parents to fly in and come to dinner with them tonight for her birthday. It was meant to be a surprise but she's gotten held up in lectures and can't pick them up from the airport so she's asking Brittany to. Brittany quickly agrees and drives to the airport with a smile on her face. She hasn't seen her parents since Christmas and it's May now.

On the way home, her parents ask about her job, about Quinn, if she's financially okay. All the questions parents need to ask. Brittany answers each with a smile because her life is nothing short of perfect right now. Well, she'd like to have someone to share it with, but apart from that she can't complain.

They pull up at the apartment and Brittany offers to help carry her mom's bag in for her, but she insists on doing it herself. "I'm not that old yet, Britt! Give me a little bit of credit."

Brittany opens the door and steps through into the hallway before the light flicks on in the living room in front of her and everyone is shouting "surprise!". Brittany puts her hand on her chest to get over the initial shock, and stumbles back a few steps. She spots Quinn in the crowd coming towards her, pleased that her plan to surprise her best friend had the desired effect.

"Happy Birthday, Britt!"

It takes Brittany a second longer to take in everyone who's there in her apartment – some of her friends from work (no sign of Tyler, thankfully), Quinn's classmates who hang out at their apartment at the weekend, even Tina, Sugar, Rachel and Mercedes from school have made it. In their small two bedroom apartment, the place looks packed.

"I can't believe you did this, Q! How'd you keep this a secret? And you," Brittany says, turning to her parents, "were you in on this too?"

Her mother gives her a small smile. "Of course we were. Our flight got in this morning. We needed a distraction to make sure you didn't head straight home. Why'd you think I wouldn't let you carry my bag? I've already unpacked at the hotel!"

"Seriously, you guys should go into some sort of CIA training or something. Your talents are wasted."

Quinn laughs before putting her arm around Brittany's shoulders and guides her to the living room to say hello to everyone.

The party doesn't take long to get into full swing. Quinn has taken charge of alcohol, making sure she is responsible for Brittany's first legal drink. Naturally, it takes five or six before the drinking makes even the slightest impact on her actions – she's been drinking for years, and her tolerance is high.

Brittany gets a few presents – Kelly and Emily from work buy her a necklace with matching earrings, her parents get her open ended tickets for a return flight back to Lima because they say they don't see Brittany enough, her friends from glee give her a box set of Journey albums which makes Brittany laugh, and Quinn has made her a collage of them through the years, as well as buying her a new pair of boots.

Brittany sits with Sugar and Mercedes for a while, catching up on what she's missed. Apparently Sugar has opened her own 'Sugar Shack' now, and Brittany smiles remembering how she'd transformed Breadstix all those years before. They really should have known then that Sugar was going to go into hospitality.

Mercedes is engaged, and Brittany is shocked to hear that it's to Sam. She didn't expect their relationship to last much longer than high school so she's taken aback by the news. Mercedes shows Brittany her ring and fills her in on all the wedding plans, saying she can come to the evening part if she wants. They ask Brittany if she's dating anyone at the minute, and she just replies with a very shy 'no'. She can see that they find it hard to believe, saying she was always dating someone in school. Then again, this isn't school – it isn't even college anymore, it's real life now – and some things have changed.

Needing to get away from all the commotion in her usually quiet apartment, Brittany excuses herself and makes her way into her bedroom. She hasn't checked her phone since she got home, so she takes it out of her bag to see if there are any new messages or notifications. The screen tells her she has one new message and two new e-mails.

She checks the message first – _happy birthday! Sorry I couldn't make it tonight! Have fun :)_ – from Holly, one of the other reporters from work. She sends a quick reply – _no worries, I'll see you tomorrow xx_ – before checking her e-mails.

The first is a generic 'happy birthday' e-mail from a website she can't even remember subscribing to. The second makes her heart stop.

There, on the screen in front of her, is an e-mail from Santana. No, not Santana. Santana from three years ago. Had it really been that long?

It's from one of those sites where you can send an e-mail into the future, to a date you choose. Brittany recognises it because sometimes she uses it to send herself e-mails so she doesn't forget things like birthdays and anniversaries. That's how Santana found out about it.

She stares at the screen blankly for another few minutes, absorbing the fact that there is an e-mail here in front of her from her ex-girlfriend. The ex-girlfriend she never, ever stopped loving, even now. The ex-girlfriend who she hadn't seen or spoken to in over two years.

With a shaking hand, Brittany opens the e-mail.

To: brittbritt94 at futureme dot org

From: san4britt at futureme dot org

_Britt,_

_I checked my inbox the other day and found an e-mail you'd sent me from this site a year ago and I thought I'd send you one to just tell you how perfect you are right now, and even just how perfect right now is in general. I'm pretty sure you're still this perfect as you read this even though three years have passed._

_I'm lying beside you right now; we just got back from the graduation party at Berry's house. Don't tell her, but I kind of enjoyed it. The part I enjoyed most though was being able to be there with you. Just being with you; nothing more, nothing less. Of course holding your hand and the kisses and the sweet lady kisses are all just bonuses, because I already won._

_You're out cold right now. You danced all night and I knew you were exhausted, but babe, I don't think I could wake you up right now if I tried. I'm still pretty buzzed, so I thought I'd stay up and just watch you for a while. Don't shout at me for being creepy, I just think you're beautiful and I can't really get enough of you; that's all._

_I've never really been good with words or commitment or all those scary things like the future and family and forever, but I can see me having them with you. I'm far too scared to tell you because I don't want you to think we're too serious too soon, but maybe by the time you get this we'll be closer to family and forever. Have I proposed yet? Oh God, what if I have and you've said no. Please don't have said no, Britt. No-one would ever be able to love you even half as much as I do._

_We'll be together almost four years when you get this. That's a long time in the real world, but to be honest it doesn't feel like it would be with you. I hope we're still together. I'm looking at you right now and I can't even imagine not having you there anymore. God, I'm actually getting tears in my eyes even thinking about it. Just… I hope you still love me, because I know I'll still love you._

_I hope this is still your e-mail address too._

_I love you,_

_Santana_

Brittany reads, and re-reads it until she can't anymore.

She can't even cry. God, she wishes she could cry. Right in front of her she has a list of promises. Promises of forever that Santana said she'd keep but didn't. She can't even get angry. She just wants to make it disappear.

She's in no mood to re-join the party, so instead she just lies back on the bed and puts her phone on her nightstand, trying to distance herself from the past. She looks blankly at the roof, images playing in her head of the night Santana wrote that e-mail. She remembers it like it was yesterday – the way she'd felt so content and happy, how she'd fallen asleep right away. A single tear makes its way down her cheek because it doesn't take long for the images of the day six months later to play out. The one that brought an end to the promises Santana had made.

Brittany swallows the lump in her throat because she knows that it wasn't Santana who put an end to the promises. Santana would have never given up on her, but Brittany asked her to, so she did. Santana couldn't say no to giving Brittany what she wanted.

The thing is though that even now, lying here in New Haven, which feels a world away from Lima, with an amazing job, an equally amazing roommate, and a life that she only ever dreamt about having, Brittany somehow still wishes that she didn't give up on Santana so quickly. She doesn't feel complete without her there. How does Santana still manage to have this effect on her, even after being out of her life for all these years?

Something snaps inside her and suddenly what she has to do is as plain as day.

She has to find Santana.

She just hopes she's not too late.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, I have to say thank you for the feedback on the first chapter. I was kind of overwhelmed by all the story alerts and reviews! gleeeeeeeek89 I I hope all your questions are answered in this chapter :)**

* * *

When Quinn finds her, Brittany has blocked out anything that isn't her laptop screen. She gently knocks on the bedroom door to get Brittany's attention before making her way in.

"Everything okay? You went to the bathroom like half an hour ago."

Brittany didn't realise she'd been away that long, she'd even forgotten there was a party currently happening for her in their living room.

"I… uh…" She didn't know if she should tell Quinn or not. Was she getting ahead of herself? "I got an e-mail," she says. Her voice lets Quinn know that something's changed. "It… It's from Santana."

"Santana?" Quinn practically screams at her. "I did just hear you right, Britt? Santana? As in Santana Lopez?"

"Yeah," Brittany replies, almost silently. She didn't know if Quinn would react well or not, but she knew she was going to be shocked. Neither of them had heard from Santana since she and Brittany split up.

"It wasn't sent recently though. It- She sent it on graduation night."

"And you're only getting it _today?_" Quinn says, confused.

"It's one of those websites that lets you send an e-mail into the future. I guess she wanted to surprise me on my birthday."

"Well she didn't just surprise _you_, Britt!" Quinn walks over and sits beside Brittany on the bed. She leans over to look at the screen of the laptop. "What are you doing?" she asks when she sees the words _'Santana Lopez'_ in the Facebook search bar.

"Looking for her."

Quinn's head snaps round and her eyes go wide. "Britt, you can't be serious! After the way she acted before you guys split? You really want to find her again!"

Brittany knew that Quinn wouldn't understand. She wouldn't understand that all of her feelings for Santana never went away, even after two and a half years. She'd tried to put them to the back of her mind, but this e-mail had just brought them all to the surface. It doesn't matter how Santana acted then. Two and a half years is long enough for someone to change. Someone who was meant to be _here_ as her girlfriend, not – well, she didn't even know where Santana was now. She could be anywhere. Brittany sighs before replying.

"She was my best friend as well as my girlfriend."

Quinn softens slightly at that. Brittany is her best friend. She couldn't imagine breaking up with someone and losing Brittany at the same time. She'd be so lonely. Quinn is more gentle the next time she speaks, realising that Brittany just wants to know if Santana's okay and not necessarily get back into a relationship with her.

"I know. I know. You miss her," Quinn says. It's not a question, so Brittany doesn't answer it. She just looks down, refusing to meet Quinn's eyes. "She doesn't have a Facebook." Brittany knows that. She knows that Santana deleted her Facebook, her Twitter, changed her e-mail address and phone number and anything else connecting them when they split up. Santana had completely cut herself off from everyone. There was no harm in trying though.

"She might have made a new one, you never know," Brittany says, her voice sounding a lot like false hope.

"We could ask the girls from glee if they've heard from her. Or if they know where she is." It's only when Quinn says that, that Brittany realises there are people waiting for her in the living room. They should probably go back.

"Yeah, let's," says Brittany, closing the laptop and getting off the bed. Quinn doesn't move. "Aren't you coming?"

Quinn studies Brittany for a second before she speaks. "What did the e-mail say?"

Brittany doesn't know if she should tell her. She doesn't know if she wants to share that part of her relationship with Santana. They always kept their deepest feelings private. It was just between them.

"Not now. I'll let you read it later. Just… Just not now, Quinn."

Luckily, they've known each other long enough for Quinn to know that Brittany isn't being rude. She's just not ready to have this conversation right now. She needs to be with people, not in a room with her talking about Santana.

"Okay. Later," Quinn says, before getting up, taking Brittany's hand and leading her back into their living room.

* * *

Half an hour later, the party has died down. Brittany's parents left just after she came back from her room, saying they were jetlagged and wanted to get a good night's sleep but they'd see her tomorrow. The girls from work had left too, because they were due back in the office at 8am tomorrow morning and didn't want to sleep in. Only the girls from glee and two of Quinn's friends remained.

Brittany glances at Quinn, silently asking her to take her friends into the kitchen so she can speak with the glee girls. Quinn understands instantly, and a few minutes later it's just Brittany, Mercedes, Rachel, Sugar and Tina in the room.

"I wanted to ask you guys something," Brittany starts, and immediately all the attention is on her. "Have- Have any of you heard from Santana?"

The way they all look at each other anxiously, as if the subject is too sensitive to talk to Brittany about, makes her cringe. No-one answers for a few moments, but Brittany can tell that they're deciding if they should be honest or lie.

"I haven't," Rachel says first, and it's clear from her tone that she's being honest. "It's a pity though, because senior year I think Santana actually started to like me," she says with a laugh.

"Me neither," says Sugar. "The last time I seen her I think it was September after graduation."

Brittany looks to Tina and Mercedes. They're her only hope.

"Sorry," Mercedes says, shaking her head. Brittany turns her attention to Tina, her eyes pleading.

"Have you? Anything at all?"

"I haven't," Tina starts, and Brittany's hopes start to fall. So much for the club being a family and staying in touch after school. "But Mike has."

Her attention snaps back to Tina at that. "What?"

"Mike has. They play Call of Duty online together sometimes. I don't think she's been on in a while though; maybe six months or so since he last spoke to her. I think he said she's in Philadelphia. They don't talk about life much, it's mostly just about who their next kill is going to be."

Brittany's head is reeling. Santana is in Philadelphia. _Philadelphia._ How did she end up there? What was she doing there? Where did she live? Was she with someone?

"Philadelphia?" Brittany manages to get out. "Why'd she move to Philadelphia?"

"Why did you move to New Haven?" Tina challenges. Brittany fights against saying 'because Quinn was here and it was easy'. She knows the real answer - to get away from everything that Lima reminded her of; for a fresh start.

"I get it."

"Why'd you wanna know, Britt?" Mercedes asks. As far as they know, Brittany and Santana haven't been in contact in years. They don't know that they're right.

"I want to find her again. I miss her," Brittany says with a shrug. The girls all stay silent. They really don't know how to approach this. "I haven't heard from her in almost three years," Brittany admits.

"Three years?" Rachel asks, shocked. "Nothing? Almost three years and you've heard nothing?"

She doesn't want to mention the e-mail she just received, everything still feels too raw, so she lies. "Nothing." She supposes that it's a half-truth because Santana wrote that e-mail years ago. It wasn't recent.

"I'll ask Mike if he has a contact number or something for her, but I think he just has her gamer tag."

"Thanks, Tina."

Brittany doesn't get her hopes up.

* * *

It's going on one a.m. before everyone leaves, so only Quinn and Brittany are left in the apartment. Brittany knows she should be going to bed – she's past being tipsy, and she needs to be in work in seven hours. Her hangover is going to be the death of her.

As she's brushing her teeth, Brittany sees Quinn out of the side of her eye leaning up against the doorframe of the bathroom.

"You okay?" Quinn asks.

Brittany just nods, because she can't really talk with a mouthful of toothpaste. She's kind of grateful because otherwise she would have told the truth.

"You don't have to lie to me, Britt. It's just us now."

That breaks her. She spits out the toothpaste into the basin and turns to Quinn. She lets everything out at once.

"I just don't understand, Q! I don't understand how it's been almost three years and she still has me standing here thinking about her and wishing she was here! Even after the way she treated me, even after I told her to leave and watched her walk away! It's like she's never left! How can she ruin my birthday without even being here?" Brittany finishes, sounding defeated.

Quinn quickly makes her way over to her friend and rubs her hands up and down Brittany's arms to comfort her. "You know you don't mean that. She didn't ruin your birthday."

"Yes, she did! If she hadn't sent that stupid e-mail, I'd be in bed right now getting a good night's sleep and instead I'm standing here at one a.m., I'm drunk, I'm upset and I'm going to be awake until God knows what time thinking about her!"

"I miss her too, you know."

Brittany deflates, all the fight drained out of her. "We were the Unholy Trinity," Brittany says, as if she's only just remembered that Quinn knew Santana too. Remembering that Quinn knew Santana meant remembering that she also _lost_ Santana.

"Yeah, we were."

They sit down on the edge of the bathtub and don't look at each other; instead they keep their eyes on the floor.

"Do you remember how she used to treat you, Britt?" Quinn says softly.

Brittany knows she's referring to how things went downhill, but all that's playing in her head are all the times that Santana held her or made her feel beautiful. There were a lot of them.

"She loved me."

"I don't doubt it, Britt. But she didn't show it in the right way. Remember how angry she got when she thought you were cheating on her because you started going to that reading group on campus?"

Brittany did remember that. The reading group had met two nights a week – a Monday and Friday – at eight o'clock in the café on campus. Brittany attended it religiously, never missing a meeting, even when Santana wanted to have date night on a Friday. Brittany always asked if they could move it to Thursday or Saturday.

Santana had somehow come up to the conclusion that Brittany was cheating on her, because in Santana's eyes, your relationship came before a reading group. She'd confronted Brittany about it more than once, but the night Quinn is referring to was the worst of them all.

"I- I thought she was going to hit me that night," Brittany admits quietly. "I was so scared."

"And that wasn't the only time, B. She accused you of cheating more times than enough; you gave up so much for her. She didn't let you live your own life," Quinn says softly, turning to look at Brittany who is small and fragile beside her. She didn't want to remind Brittany of how everything went wrong, but she knew that it needed to be said and Brittany didn't have the energy left to fight against it. "You couldn't even go out with your friends. And it was _you_ that asked her to leave. It was the best thing you ever did for yourself, Britt. Freeing yourself from that. Do you really want her back again? How do you know things won't go back to the way they were?"

Brittany is silent for a few moments and Quinn thinks she's being ignored. When Brittany speaks, her voice is so delicate and so weak that Quinn's heart breaks.

"Because Santana only needs to lose things once to realise how much they mean to her."

* * *

The next morning is just as bad as she imagines it will be. Her head is killing her, her mouth is dry and every time she moves she wants to throw up. It's 6.45am and all she wants to do is turn round and go back to sleep, but instead she's reluctantly dragging herself out of bed and into the bathroom.

Brittany looks at herself in the mirror and notices how much dimmer her eyes have become overnight. Their usual brightness is gone and the skin underneath is darker from the hours of sleep she didn't get.

* * *

She slumps onto the chair in her office at eight on the dot, with a strong cup of coffee in hand. The first thing she does is open her e-mails. She doesn't want to, but at least this is her work e-mail account and there's no chance of Santana popping up out of the blue here. There are twelve new unread messages – from her boss, from other reporters, some newsletters from arts websites she's subscribed to - nothing major. She opens them one at a time and gets working on the articles for her section in the paper later that night.

By lunch time she's cleared her inbox and just has some reworking to do on the article she's to hand in later, so she calls her mom and organises for them to meet in half an hour.

* * *

"Looks like you had a bit too much fun last night," her mom remarks with a knowing smile at the hungover state of her daughter as they sit down at the table. They're in the small café on the corner of the street by Brittany's office building where she usually gets a takeaway lunch to bring back to work with her. Brittany doesn't reply, but just plays with the food on her plate. Her mom picks up on the drop in her usually bubbly mood. "Brittany?"

She swallows a lump in her throat. "I need your advice, mom."

"Of course, Brittany. What is it?"

"Santana."

Her mom reacts much like Quinn did. "Sa-Santana? Your ex-girlfriend Santana?"

"She e-mailed me last night and it's just brought all these feelings back," Brittany says sadly.

"Well what did she say?" her mom replies, full attention on Brittany, the food on both of their plates forgotten.

"She wrote the e-mail on graduation night. She just said about how much she loved being with me. How no-one could ever love me half as much as she could."

"Wow, Britt. That's pretty heavy stuff. You said she wrote it on graduation night? Did she only send you it now?"

"No, she sent it back then but she used that site I do to remind me of birthdays and stuff. She sent it into the future to my twenty-first birthday. I guess she was just trying to be cute."

Her mom sits back in her chair trying to decide what's best for her daughter. When she hasn't replied after a few moments Brittany gets worried. "Mom?"

"Sorry, I was just thinking. Well, what do you want to do now?"

"I want to find her and talk to her about it."

"Do you think that's a good idea, Britt? I mean, you didn't really end on the best terms. Do you even know where she is?"

"Philadelphia. I think, anyway. That's where Tina says Mike thinks she is. She could be anywhere though," Brittany says, tearing corners off her napkin. "I don't care where she is. I just want to see her again."

"If your heart is telling you to, then you should find her."

That shocks Brittany. She didn't expect her mom to agree. She expected to have to fight to get her point across, she expected her to say how bad Santana was for her, she expected the complete opposite of this.

"What?"

"You should find her," Brittany's mom repeats. "You were best friends for almost fifteen years. I thought you guys would have been friends for life."

"Yeah, me too," Brittany agrees. She doesn't feel like she should say that she thought that she and Santana would be more than friends for life. She wanted to marry her, and maybe there's a part of her deep down – a part that she's fought against for nearly three years – that still does.

"Does Mike have a contact number for her or anything?"

"No," she says, shaking her head. "No-one does."

"Her parents would."

Realisation dawns on Brittany and suddenly she feels weightless. Of course they would! She takes her phone out of her pocket and scrolls through her contacts, praying she hasn't deleted it. She gets to 'S' and scrolls slower. When her finger hovers over _Santana Home_ she feels like she could cry.

* * *

She leaves work early and breaks the speed limit a little bit to get home quicker, relieved when she sees that Quinn isn't back yet. She doesn't even bother taking her coat off before she's pressing 'call' on her phone.

The line rings and rings and rings. She's almost convinced it's going to ring out when a voice appears on the other end of the line.

"Hello?," Mrs. Lopez says, her voice sounding older since the last time Brittany heard her speak.

"Um… hi. It's Brittany."

"I'm sorry?"

"Brittany Pierce. Santana's ex-gi-"

-rlfriend! Brittany, how are you!" Mrs. Lopez exclaims, obviously happy to hear from the girl she basically raised as her own daughter for over a decade. "Where have you been?"

"Um, I'm good, I'm living in New Haven with Quinn."

"Oh – I didn't know Quinn was… well, I didn't think she liked girls too."

"She doesn't! We're not together, we just live together."

"Oh, sorry dear. It's just, you were always quite close with Quinn too as well as my Santana. It's hard to distinguish between friends and girlfriends these days," Mrs. Lopez says. The way she uses the words 'these days' makes Brittany's stomach drop. Was she referring to Santana too?

"It's okay. I was just wondering if you could give me Santana's phone number."

The line goes quiet and for a second Brittany thinks Mrs. Lopez might have hung up.

"She told me not to."

The words hit her like a bullet to the chest. Did she really break Santana's heart that badly that she genuinely never wanted to hear from her again? She didn't think Santana could be that mean.

"Oh," is all Brittany manages to say.

"Do you have a pen to write it down?" Mrs Lopez says, hearing Brittany's disappointment.

"I- But she–"

"Just because she told me not to, doesn't mean I won't."

Brittany scrambles around the living room of the apartment trying to find a pen and paper. She finds a pen but can't find anything to write on, so she uses her hand. "Okay, thanks. I've got a pen."

Mrs. Lopez gives her Santana's number and Brittany stares at it on her hand. She's snapped back into reality by a key in the door, indicating that Quinn is home. "I've gotta go, Mrs. Lopez. Thank you, though. Really. Thank you."

"You're welcome, dear, anytime. Don't leave it so long to call next time!"

They say goodbyes, and hang up just as Quinn comes into earshot.

"Who was that?" she asks, kicking off her shoes beside the sofa and sitting down. Brittany's still pacing in the living room, with her coat and shoes on.

"Santana's mom. She gave me Santana's number," Brittany says, holding out her hand for Quinn to see.

"Britt, there's no way you're going to do this over the phone!"

Brittany looks at her confused. "Well how else am I going to do it? I don't even know where she is!"

"Didn't you ask her mom?"

She realises then that she should have. She should have gotten more information out of her. It would have been easier. But after knowing that Santana didn't want Brittany to have her new number, she's sure that Santana wouldn't want her to know where she lives.

"Santana doesn't want to hear from me."

"And you're still going to call her? Britt, you're crazy! This isn't going to end well for either of you!"

"I gave up on her once, Quinn. I'm not going to do it again."

It takes Quinn a moment to speak. She chooses her words carefully. "Britt, that e-mail wasn't from Santana. It was from who Santana used to be. If she doesn't want to hear from you, then you have to respect that. You made your decision. It's over, Britt."

Tears form in Brittany's eyes and Quinn automatically feels guilty. Maybe she was too harsh.

"Quinn, just because something's over, doesn't mean it can't start again."

* * *

She makes her way into her room and closes the door behind her. She doesn't want Quinn to hear this conversation. It's either going to make her or break her and she doesn't want Quinn to see her fall apart. She knows that's the most likely option.

She sits on the edge of her bed and reads the e-mail one more time, trying to decide if she's over-reacting. Quinn was right. Everything is in the past. There's no indication that Santana's even thought about Brittany in the past two and a half years. She still loves Santana, and at one point in life Santana loved her. Surely that's worth a phone call.

She puts the numbers into her phone and checks them twice before pressing 'call'.

The butterflies in her stomach make her feel sick with anticipation. If she answers, Brittany's only seconds away from hearing Santana's voice for the first time in years.

The line clicks on.

"Hi, Santana's phone!"

Brittany feels like she's going to throw up. The voice is female, but it isn't Santana.

"Is Santana there?"

She hopes she's wrong about this.

"Can I ask who's calling?"

"It's Brittany, a friend from high school."

She hopes this girl doesn't know who she is. For the first time in her life she hopes that Santana hasn't told anyone about their relationship. She knows if she has, there's no way she's going to get to talk to Santana right now.

"Okay, give me a sec."

The girl takes the phone away from her ear, and it sounds as if she puts her hand over the mouthpiece. "Babe, there's someone called Brittany on the phone for you!"

_Babe_.

She just talked to Santana's girlfriend.


	3. Chapter 3

**Again, thank you for all your alerts and reviews, I'm seriously still so overwhelmed. Just a note: Santana's girlfriend isn't going to have a main role or take up much of the story - this story is about Brittany and Santana. Also, Brittany isn't going to try to break them up or do all the work. It's about how two people react to being back in each other's lives again when so much has changed and where that takes them. This story is categorised as romance/angst though, so it might not always be a smooth ride. **

* * *

Brittany can hear more muffled speaking on the other end of the line.

"Did you say Brittany?" The sound of her name coming from Santana's mouth makes her heart stop. She hasn't heard her say it in so long.

"Yeah, some girl from high school?" There's silence on the other end of the line. "Babe, you okay?" Brittany has no idea what just happened, but Santana's reaction is clearly giving away more than she wanted it to.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I'm just going to take the call outside, okay?" There are the tell-tale sounds of the phone being passed from one girl to the other, and – no, she has to be imagining this – the sound of lips parting from a kiss. There's silence for a few moments. Brittany hears the click of a closing door, and Santana lets out a breath.

"Britt?"

Santana sounds like she can't believe who she's talking to, and Brittany feels exactly the same way.

"Yeah. It's me," is all she manages to say. She really should have thought about what to say before she called, because they're a few seconds away from the most uncomfortable silence of their lives.

"It's good to hear from you," Santana says after a moment, and Brittany can hear the smallest hint of a smile in her voice. She doesn't deserve this. She deserves Santana to scream at her, to ask her who she thinks she is calling up out of the blue like this. She deserves anything but the calm and kindness in Santana's voice right now. She tries to picture what Santana must look like, outside her house - or is it an apartment? Is she sitting down? Is she leaning against the wall? Is she pacing? "It's been a while."

Brittany laughs at that. "It's been more than a while."

"I don't mean to sound rude, but is there a reason you're calling me out of the blue after three years?"

She wants to be honest. She really does. She just wants to say everything at once. _I still love you and thought maybe there was a chance you loved me too. You sent me an e-mail and said you'd love me forever, do you still mean that? I can't give up on you. We're meant to be together._ Instead she lies.

"Um…Some of the girls from glee club came to our apartment the other night for a party and we were talking about how we missed you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm okay, Britt." There's so much tension in the atmosphere, and Brittany knows Santana can feel it too even though they're miles apart. They should never have left it this long. Things should never have gotten to this point. It's not the way things were meant to be. Brittany never imagined that the most awkward conversation of her life would be with Santana.

"That's good," she says, trying to keep her voice playful and light. The last thing she needs is to let all her emotion show. So far though, it seems like Santana's lost that ability to read her completely. She's thankful. "So… where are you? I mean, you left Lima." It's not an accusation.

"Philadelphia. I don't even know how. One day I was on a bus out of Lima, the next I had my own apartment here," Santana says, and it sounds a little like she's been waiting to tell Brittany this story for years. "It's crazy."

"Yeah. Yeah, it is," Brittany agrees. "What are you doing there?"

"Just working in a coffee shop around the corner from where I live. I'm a supervisor. It still doesn't pay much but it's enough to cover the bills and have a little left over for me to treat Al- myself." Santana changes the word quickly but Brittany notices the slip up.

"You don't have to lie, Santana."

"What?"

"You can tell me that you treat your girlfriend. It's okay." It's not. It feels like her heart's being ripped out one sentence at a time.

"Sorry. I just don't know how to talk about this stuff with you." Brittany understands. She never imagined either of them would have a girlfriend that wasn't each other. She wouldn't know how to talk to Santana about it either.

"What's her name?" Brittany asks. She doesn't know why she's doing this to herself. She doesn't want to know anything about the girl Santana loves. The only explanation she has is that she needs to hear if Santana's happy with her.

"Alex," Santana says, sounding shy.

"Alex," Brittany repeats, letting the name sink in. There's no room for skirting around the issue anymore. "Are you happy?"

Santana doesn't answer immediately, and somewhere deep in the depths of her heart, Brittany starts to hope. "Yeah, I am."

"I'm happy for you." It's an automatic response. She doesn't know if that's the truth or not.

"Are you seeing anyone?"

"No. No-one."

"I don't understand how someone like you could be single." Is she flirting? Brittany shakes her head, and tries frantically to work out why someone would say that to their ex-girlfriend, when there is only a wall between their current girlfriend hearing. She shakes it off.

"Well, I am."

They fall into silence and, for the first time in the conversation, Brittany fully feels the guilt weighing down on her. She never got to apologise to Santana for the way things ended. Well, she _did _apologise, but only to answering machines and through text messages. Never in person. This might be as 'in person' as she ever gets.

"I'm sorry." It comes out quieter than she intended it to.

"Why are you apologising for being single?" Santana jokes, and Brittany wants to keep that light-heartedness in Santana's voice forever. She knows she's going to take it away with the next words she says.

"Not for that. For… for breaking up with you."

Brittany can almost feel Santana's walls go up. "It- It's in the past, Britt."

"That doesn't make it okay though."

"Brittany..." Santana warns. She's not ready to hear this.

"Just please hear me out."

There's a release of breath before Santana speaks. "Okay."

"I'm sorry," she says again. "I never meant for us to end like that. I didn't mean to hurt you." Santana laughs sarcastically on the other end of the phone and it hurts, but she continues anyway. "I really didn't, Santana. It wasn't easy for me to break up with you. It was the hardest thing I've ever done." She's not going to cry. She can do that when they get off the phone. She's not going to be the girl who calls up their ex and cries down the phone to them, apologising for everything they did wrong. That's not who she is. "I never wanted to say goodbye to my best friend."

"I didn't either, but I wasn't good for you." Brittany wants to protest. She wants to scream at Santana and tell her she's wrong but she can't. There's a truth to the words that makes them sting.

"I miss you." It comes out before she even realises she's said it. Immediately, she wishes she could take it back. She hates Santana for making her say these things.

"Yeah. Me too," Santana sighs. For a few seconds everything is perfect. "Look, Britt, I gotta go, you called just as we were making dinner."

"Oh, yeah, sure. No worries."

"I've got your number now though, I'll text you." There's a part of herself that she hates for believing Santana so easily.

"Okay. Bye, Santana."

"Bye, Brittany."

The line goes dead.

Brittany lies back on the bed and closes her eyes. She takes a few deep breaths trying to decide whether she just made the right decision or messed things up. A few minutes later she hears the text message tone coming from the cell phone in her hands.

_Sorry I had to go but dinner was getting cold. I just realised you didn't even get to tell me about New Haven. How's things?_

She reads the message over and over and over because she must be dreaming this.

She didn't tell Santana she was in New Haven.

* * *

Brittany leaves her bedroom half an hour later and finds Quinn in the living room.

"Well…," Quinn says, trying to get Brittany to tell her everything. "How'd it go?"

It takes Brittany a moment because she still hasn't fully decided herself. "I- I think it went okay."

"You _think_ it went okay?"

"Well, she has a girlfriend."

"Oh."

"Yeah. But she seemed happy to hear from me."

"That's… good," Quinn says, wondering if it can overshadow the fact that Santana is in love with someone else.

"It's great, Q. I thought she'd just hang up on me but she actually said 'it's good to hear from you'. That's more than I deserve."

"Is she in Philadelphia?"

"Yeah, she works in some coffee shop and lives with Alex."

"And Alex is her-," Quinn cuts off when she sees the discomfort on Brittany's face. "Oh, okay."

"She text me."

"Saying?"

"Asking me how New Haven was. I didn't tell her I was in New Haven," Brittany says, the slightest smile starting to show on her face.

"Britt…"

"Look, I'm not getting my hopes up. I'm not stupid, Q. But I didn't tell her I was in New Haven. Either she already knew, or she just looked me up. Either way, she wants to know where I am. That's good."

"Just… be careful, okay? She's not single. You could be stepping into some dangerous territory here."

"I know what I'm doing. Trust me."

* * *

She doesn't hear from Santana for two days after that, and she'd been losing hope that she ever would again, but when her phone vibrates on her desk at 4pm on Friday afternoon and Santana's name pops up on the screen, she can't help but smile.

_Hi, how's you? Hope I'm not disturbing you at work. _

She lets the message sit for half an hour before replying. She doesn't want to look too keen.

_I'm fine, you? Almost finished for the day anyway so don't worry! _

The small talk is something she's going to have to get used to. It's like meeting Santana for the first time all over again. There's probably a part deep down in Santana that Brittany can still relate to, can still read like a book, but she knows that part isn't hers to see anymore.

_Do you get weekends off or are you in again tomorrow? I'm good. I'm off today. Just chillin out, watching reruns of Jersey Shore!_

Brittany smiles at that one. Okay, maybe it's not totally like meeting Santana again. Maybe some things never change. For the first time since she called Santana on Wednesday night she feels like they could actually be just friends. She'd be happy with that. Sure, it'd be hard to watch Santana love someone else when she knows how perfect and how safe it can make you feel, but one of the things she loved the most about Santana was that she was always her best friend through thick and thin. Even when their relationship started to build into something else, their foundation was always that they were best friends first.

_Don't you never get bored of watching that? I couldn't even sit through them once, let alone reruns! I get weekends off. You?_

The reply is almost instant.

_You know they're awesome! No, working tomorrow. Next weekend though… I'll be in New York. _

A beat. And then a second message.

_It would be great to see you. _

Brittany stares at the screen trying to take in what just happened. Did Santana just ask her to meet her in New York? As she types out the next message, she hopes she isn't going to regret this.

_I can be in New York next weekend._

* * *

Before she knows it she's at home sitting at the dining room table on her laptop on Google looking for train tickets to New York.

She doesn't understand how, in the space of four days, she's went from knowing nothing about Santana's life, to spending $30 on train tickets from Union Station in New Haven, to Grand Central in New York just to see her.

It's only when the confirmation e-mail comes through with the train times on it that she sits back and really lets it really sink in.

She's going to see Santana again.

* * *

Three days later, she's eating breakfast with Quinn and it just comes out.

"I'm going to meet Santana in New York on Saturday."

Quinn actually spits out her orange juice, but doesn't even care how un-ladylike she's being right now. "WHAT!" she screams. "Britt, you're not serious!"

Brittany plays with the cereal in the bowl in front of her. "I booked the train tickets already. I leave 9am on Saturday from Union."

"Oh my god, you're serious." Brittany meets Quinn's eyes and just nods her head. "You asked her to meet you in New York?"

"No, she asked me."

"_She_ asked _you? _I don't like the sound of this, but I can't stop you," Quinn says as she realises it's true. No amount of protesting is going to stop them meeting. "Tell her I said hi."

Brittany lets out a sigh of relief and smiles. "I will."

* * *

The journey is awful. She's shaking almost the whole time, and her knee won't stop bobbing up and down with nerves.

She gets off at Grand Central and makes her way out onto the streets of New York City. The last time she was in New York was with glee club for Nationals junior year. She's never been here alone and she's a little overwhelmed. She finds her way around by using the GPS on her phone and manages to get to the steps beside the TKTS booth at Times Square. They agreed to meet there because they'd both been there before so there was less chance of getting lost.

By her clock it's 11.52am and they said they'd meet at midday. There are so many people around she's not sure she's going to be able to find Santana through all the hustle and bustle. They should have chosen somewhere a little less busy to meet.

Brittany scans the crowd for Santana. She doesn't know what direction she's going to come from so she looks to her left, then her right, then straight ahead. She even turns around a few times and looks behind her, as if Santana might already be on the steps and they'd just missed each other.

She watches as the time on her phone goes past midday, then 12.05, 12.10 and 12.15. The sinking feeling in her stomach makes her nauseous. Did she come the whole way to New York for Santana to just leave her high and dry? She thinks on some level she deserves it.

Then she sees her.

Out of the hundreds of people walking through the streets of New York City right now, she would be able to pick Santana out every time. It's like she's the only one in colour and everyone else is in black and white. Santana's looking at her phone with a worried look on her face, as if she's frantically trying to find Brittany's number to make sure she hasn't got bored of waiting and left. She looks up a few times to make sure she doesn't walk into anyone, and the fourth time she does, her eyes meet Brittany's and she stops walking. She just stands there for a few seconds, a look of complete disbelief on her face. Then, as if someone just pressed play on the world again, her face breaks into a massive smile and she walks towards Brittany.

Brittany gets up from where she was sitting and they meet in the middle. They just stand and stare at each other for a few moments unsure what to say.

"Hi," Santana says.

"Hey."

Then Brittany does the only thing she knows to do when she's been apart from Santana for any length of time. She hugs her.

She hates how much it feels like home.


	4. Chapter 4

When they break apart, neither really knows what to do. They used to hold hands when they walked beside each other, so the lack of physical contact makes them both visibly uncomfortable.

"Wanna grab something to eat and get a proper catch up?" Santana suggests, and Brittany's thankful for the break in silence.

"Yeah, Starbucks?"

Santana smiles. "Please can we go somewhere that's _not_ a coffee shop? I spend every day in one!"

"Oh yeah, of course. Wanna just find someplace else then?" Brittany asks, and Santana nods in response.

Brittany finds it a little surreal to be here in New York City, standing at the side of the road waiting to cross with Santana. She steals a quick glance at her out of the side of her eye to make sure she's still there. It doesn't feel real. When the light turns green they make their way across, and continue on until they find the first place that serves food. When they get inside the queue is long so they join the back and wait.

"How was your journey?" Santana asks while they stand in line.

"Good. It's kind of scary coming to New York by yourself though," Brittany admits. "You?"

"Yeah it was okay, drove up this morning. Do you know how difficult it is to find somewhere to park here? It was a nightmare."

"Are you staying here long?"

"No, just until tomorrow. My parents are in town so I came up to meet them. We're heading out for dinner later."

"I actually talked to your mom last week."

Santana's head snaps round in shock. "What? No way!"

"Yeah… she gave me your number."

"I was actually wondering how you got that. She's never listened to me y'know," Santana says, and Brittany knows that she's thankful. From the way the small smile shows on Santana's face, Brittany thinks that when she told her mom not to give Brittany her number, it must have been a shallow request.

"You told her not to give me your number." It comes out before Brittany can stop herself. Santana bows her head slightly. Brittany can't place the emotion she's showing. Regret?

"Yeah… I… I thought it would be easier."

"Was it?"

"No."

* * *

When they get served five minutes later they find a table by the window and sit down. For a while they just sit in silence, watching the people of New York City go about their day. Brittany may be sitting in the heart of one of the busiest cities in the world, but there is a feeling of calm that passes over her, and she's sure it's not from watching the people pass by outside.

Santana's half way through her sandwich when the conversation comes back. Brittany immediately wishes it hadn't.

"Do you ever think about us, Britt?" Santana's not looking at her. Instead she's just staring out the window. Brittany feels like she's staring straight into her soul. "I mean, where we'd be if we- _if I _hadn't went so crazy back then?"

Brittany's throat seizes up. She's not ready to talk about this. She thought they'd got this out of the way when she apologized on the phone. This was meant to be a new start – as friends, putting the past behind them. They were meant to be starting from scratch as Santana, with her girlfriend and living in Philadelphia, and as Brittany, single journalist living with her best friend in New Haven. They weren't supposed to talk about Santana and Brittany, two cheerleaders in love who promised they'd spend their lives together.

She's taking too long to reply, but the words are lost somewhere between her brain and her mouth and nothing's coming out. Santana notices, and breaks the silence.

"Sorry, we don't have to talk about it. I just thought we should get it out of the way," she says, turning to face Brittany and looking her in the eye.

"I think about it sometimes," Brittany admits honestly. It's hard to lie around Santana. She's always brought out the truth in her. "I never thought we'd be here."

"I know what you mean," Santana replies, and takes another few bites to finish her sandwich before speaking again. "I'm sorry for the way I acted back then. I was an idiot."

Brittany can't sit here and listen to Santana beat herself up over something that's so far in the past. She can't let those feelings be brought back up and ruin this a second time. "Hey," she says, comfortingly. "It's okay."

"No, it's not. God, Britt, when you asked me to leave a part of me was actually _relieved_ because it meant I couldn't hurt you anymore." Both of Santana's hands are wrapped around the glass of Coke she has on the table, and she's wiping away the little droplets of water on the outside as the ice melts. "I knew I was hurting you but I just couldn't stop. I just didn't want to lose you."

"And you did," Brittany says sadly, as Santana bows her head, refusing to meet Brittany's eyes. "We just weren't working, Santana. I know you loved me. I _know_ you did, but –"

"Sometimes love isn't enough." The way they're finishing each other's sentences is all too familiar. It's too easy.

"It was enough," Brittany reassures. "I was going to say that we were just in two separate places. We needed different things from the relationship."

"You've always been so smart," Santana says, smiling before she goes back to playing with her glass.

"We're just smart in different ways," Brittany says, grateful the tension has been broken. "So… tell me about Alex." If they're starting with the stuff that hurts, then she may as well get this out of the way too.

"Oh, right, yeah." Santana lifts her iPhone and presses the centre button so her background shows up. She hands the phone to Brittany. "That's her."

Alex isn't what Brittany expected. She didn't know what she thought Santana's girlfriend would be like because, apart from herself, she'd never really known what Santana's type was. Maybe she expected a tall blonde.

Alex is shorter than Santana. Not by much, but enough to lean her head into the crook of Santana's neck in the photo, and enough for Santana too look protective. Her hair is shoulder length and a dark brown colour. She's naturally pretty and Brittany can see why Santana was attracted to her.

"She's pretty," Brittany says honestly. "How long have you guys been together?"

Santana's brow furrows and she tries to count up the amount of time it's been. "Um… it'll be a year in July. So ten months."

The only thing that registers in Brittany's head at that moment is that when Santana wrote that e-mail on graduation night, they'd only been together for seven months and she was already talking about being with her forever. She wonders if Santana's thinking about those things with Alex.

"That's a long time."

"It's not really," Santana shrugs and Brittany thinks that _yes, yes it is_ because they were only ever officially together for just over a year and she saw how deep their relationship grew in that time. A year is long enough to know you don't want anyone else.

"What does she do?"

"She works in admin, y'know one of those boring office jobs? I don't know how she does it."

"I work in an office. It's not so bad."

"Oh yeah, right. I didn't mean it like that, I'm sure your job is more exciting than hers."

"It's okay and yeah, it is. I get to go visit places all the time, so I'm only actually in the office a few days a week."

Santana looks at her with soft eyes, and Brittany feels herself melt a little. "I always knew you were going to make something of yourself, Britt. I'm so glad you proved all those assholes in school wrong. You know that Azimio is working in the gas station in Lima? That's probably going to be all he ever does. Makes you feel good doesn't it?"

Brittany didn't hear anything other than that Santana always believed in her.

"Yeah, yeah it does."

* * *

"You said you were talking to the girls from glee club," Santana says, as they're walking toward Central Park.

"Yep. Tina, Rachel, Mercedes, and Sugar came to our apartment for a party last week. Oh, and Quinn says hi by the way."

"You can tell her I say hi back," Santana smiles. "How is she?"

"She's fine. Super stressed though, she's working through her finals and it's Yale so… the workload is pretty heavy."

"I can't imagine still being in college. I don't know how she does it."

"I guess it's for some people and not for others. It wasn't for us." They share a knowing look that says more than words ever could. _It might have been for us if things didn't get so crazy. Do you ever regret dropping out? Where would we be now if we'd kept at it?_

"You're right. So, tell me about Rachel Berry's rise to superstardom. Has she won a Tony yet?"

"You think you wouldn't have heard about it if she had?" Brittany laughs. "Santana, she would have told everyone in America by now!" Santana laughs a proper laugh and Brittany's heart doubles in size. It feels so good to be friends with her again. "She's living here in New York. I think she auditions for a show like, once a day or something. She's never going to give up."

"It's nice to see some things never change! What about the rest, what are they doing?"

Brittany fills Santana in on Sugar's new business, Mercedes' engagement and Tina and Mike's relationship that seems to be right out of a Disney movie. They laugh together over memories from glee club, and gasp when they remind each other of something they'd for gotten about – that they've both kissed Mercedes' fiancé, that Rachel Berry almost married Finn Hudson on more than one occasion, that at one point Kurt and Sam both left McKinley.

"Oh god, high school was an experience," Santana says, still smiling.

"Yep. I wonder if it's still as crazy."

"Well, as far as I know Sue and Mr. Schue are still there and still have that love/hate relationship going on, so I'm sure it's still just as bad." They sit down beside each other on a bench in the middle of Central Park and let a comfortable silence take over. Santana checks her phone, and Brittany's sure she's replying to a text from Alex from the way a not so subtle smile appears on her face. She takes her own phone out to distract herself. She has no new messages, so she just scrolls through Facebook.

"Rachel Berry: just out of another audition! Now to read lines for later!" Brittany reads out loud to Santana. "I told you she hasn't changed."

"I'll have to get Facebook again. It looks like I missed out on a lot of stuff," Santana says, looking over at Rachel's status on Brittany's phone. A part of Brittany wants Santana to get Facebook again. She wants a way to communicate with her easily, and a way to just make sure she's okay when they're both busy and don't have time to talk. But then she thinks about how Santana will probably tag Alex in posts, and upload photos of them and she's not sure that's something she wants to see.

"You should," she says, the need to stay in touch with Santana being stronger than the hurt she knows she'll feel seeing Santana go about life without her.

"I'll make one when I get back tomorrow."

Brittany feels a weight off her shoulders as she realises that this means that Santana wants to stay in touch. For the first time in years, she feels fully at ease.

* * *

At half four, Brittany says she has to start making her way back to Grand Central. Her train is leaving just after five and she can't miss it. Santana walks back with her, because her hotel is only a few minutes' walk away in downtown Manhattan.

"Let's not leave it so long next time, yeah?" Brittany says as they make their way into the station.

"Definitely not. It's been great catching up with you." The truthful tone in Santana's voice is more than enough to let Brittany knows that she really means it, so she smiles back.

"You too. I gotta go now though, can't miss this train. I'll text you when I'm home though, okay?"

"Sure, no worries." Santana steps forward and wraps her arms around Brittany and sighs into her. Brittany understands. She knows exactly what it's like to be hugging your best friend again after being apart for so long.

She pulls back, but her hands linger on Santana's arms for a second longer than they should. "Bye," she says, giving Santana a small wave of her hand.

"Bye, Britt." That's her cue to leave. She turns around and walks towards the ticket barrier, fumbling in her bag to find her purse. She gets her ticket out, ready to make her way to the platform. Just before she passes through she chances one last glance back to see Santana walking away before she's out of sight.

When she does, she laughs slightly, because Santana hasn't moved from where she was standing a minute ago. Santana smiles back and bites her lip. She mouths "bye" to Brittany and Brittany returns the gesture. Their eyes lock for a moment before Santana turns to leave.

Brittany takes a deep breath and does the same.

* * *

The train ride back to New Haven is a nightmare. Brittany's head is full of Santana and she can't think of anything else. She leans her head against the window the whole way home, watching the world pass her by.

There's a debate going on deep within her. There's a part of her who is ecstatic – celebrating even – that Santana's back in her life. Then, there's the other part, the part that's louder and slightly painful, that can only see Alex.

Brittany closes her eyes and exhales. She hopes they can come to some sort of agreement.

* * *

She gets home around eight o'clock and finds Quinn in her room with books and papers all around her. She turns around as soon as she hears Brittany. She doesn't say anything, just looks right at her.

"She's still Santana." It's such an obvious thing to say. Of course she's still Santana, but Quinn knows what Brittany means. She means that she's still the same Santana that she fell in love with. The same Santana she's _still_ in love with.

"Oh, Britt…" is all Quinn says, before getting up out of her chair and pulling Brittany into a hug. She probably squeezes a little too tight, but Brittany holds on with just as much force so she thinks it's okay. It's only when Brittany's shoulders start to move up and down and she starts to cling onto Quinn shirt that it's clear she's crying.

Quinn pulls out of the hug and holds Brittany at arm's length. Her eyes are red, and her cheeks are wet from the tears she's still trying to stop. Quinn brings her hand up gently and wipes away the tears. "I know, I know." It's all she can say right now to comfort her.

"Everything was so easy and normal between us and then I just keep remembering that she's not coming home with me," Brittany sobs. Quinn doesn't say anything. "I just want her to come home with me."

Quinn's face falls into a sympathetic smile. "I know you do, but honey, maybe it's for the best. Do you want her in your life?" Brittany nods. "Then maybe you're just going to have to get used to being just friends." Quinn hates herself for the way hurt immediately makes its way over Brittany's face. "I know it's hard, but if you want her in your life that's what you have to do."

Brittany sighs and then nods. "Okay."

* * *

Brittany heads into the kitchen to make herself something to eat, and checks her phone while she's waiting for the microwave to finish. She remembers she promised to text Santana when she got home so she's sends her a quick message.

_That's me home safe, say hi to your parents for me. Hope to see you again soon, I had fun today!_

The reply comes minutes later.

_I always have fun with you. Glad you got home safe, chat later! : ) _

Brittany wishes that Santana didn't make it so hard to be just friends with her.

* * *

**A/N: I still have to say thank you for reading this story, I can't get over the response! Just letting you know that updates from here on in will take a little longer as I'm starting back to work this week. But they will still be regular (probably once a week) so I hope that doesn't put you off too much! **


	5. Chapter 5

Brittany thinks she's got the 'just friends' with Santana thing down. They've fallen into a routine where they Skype once a week – twice if they have the time and sometimes Quinn even Skypes with Santana if they're both free. They have an unspoken agreement that they don't speak about Alex. Santana mentions her from time to time in conversation without meaning to, but she always catches herself and manages to divert the subject to something else. Brittany equally loves and hates it. She hates that there's a topic that hurts so much that they can't even talk about it, but she loves that Santana still cares enough about her to protect her.

Sometimes Santana will call Brittany for no other reason than to say hello, and it's those times that Brittany really thinks they've got the just friends thing sorted. They talk with ease and, even if there's silence, it's always comfortable. Brittany feels like she's finally getting her old best friend back.

* * *

There's a heatwave in New Haven in August and she feels like she's going to melt. It's 9am on Monday morning and it feels like it's a hundred degrees out. Brittany stumbles to her desk feeling sweaty and dehydrated and notices a memo lying in front of her.

_Brittany,_

_Please meet me in my office at 11:00. I need to talk to you about your articles. _

_Michael Carson_

Brittany's stomach sinks and she can't think what she's done wrong. She's handed in everything on time and she's made everything to the highest standard, if not even higher, than usual. Time seems to stop – go backwards, even – and it feels like an eternity has passed by the time it reaches eleven. Brittany knocks carefully on the door of Mr. Carson's office and makes her way inside when she hears a "come in!" from the other side.

"Ah, Brittany! Lovely to see you, please take a seat," Michael says. "How are you today? Hope you don't have the Monday morning blues!"

She's shocked at how upbeat he's being. Maybe this is his way of softening the blow. If he acts like everything is okay, then maybe Brittany will think it is too.

"Oh, I'm fine, Mr. Carson," she replies. "Can't complain."

"Well, that makes two of us, Brittany," he says, and her face contorts in confusion. He notices and continues on. "I brought you in here today because recently your articles have been some of the best we've ever seen." Brittany's eyes fly open in shock. She can't believe what she's hearing. "I'm very impressed."

"Th-thank you."

"No, thank _you_, Brittany. It's a pleasure to have someone write such refreshing articles every single week without fail. That's why I'm asking you to report from the Arts Festival."

"The Arts Festival? Didn't it take place in June? Kelly took that spread."

"Yes, the _New Haven_ Arts Festival is over. But the Philadelphia Arts Festival is in September, and I want you to take this spread. Ten pages, centrefold special. There's a reading with Nicholas Sparks about his new book, and I'm getting you VIP tickets. You're going to attend the Q&A afterwards and represent the New Haven Register."

"I- I don't know what to say," Brittany stutters. She's overwhelmed. "I- thank you."

"You're welcome. Your flight leaves on the seventh and you're staying until the eleventh. I'll get you booked into a hotel close to the locations. You've a few different events to attend – the reading and Q&A is the big finish."

"This is great, Mr. Carson, honestly. I won't let you down."

"I wouldn't expect you to, Brittany."

She goes over in her head what she just got offered. Ten page centrefold spread and the opportunity to report from an exclusive press conference. Suddenly, her blood runs cold.

"Sorry, where did you say the Festival was taking place?"

"Philadelphia."

Brittany swears she heard "Santana".

* * *

She gets home late that night, after meeting with Mr. Carson again to discuss some more concrete plans about her trip. He's booked her into the Holiday Inn and made reservations for her at eight events to attend during the five days she's there – the first day is free and then there's one every afternoon and one each night.

She stumbles through the door of her apartment, kicking off her shoes as she does. She can hear Quinn talking in the kitchen.

"No, I'm so sick of it."

"But Q, you've only one year to go."

"It's already been three! You'd think the worst would be over but no..."

"Am I interrupting?" Brittany says, stepping into the kitchen cautiously. She sees Santana on the Skype screen on the laptop in front of Quinn and immediately relaxes.

"Hey!" she says. "How are you?"

"Fine, Britt. Just giving Quinn here a pep talk to get her back into Yale mode after doing nothing all summer."

"I did not!" Quinn protests, and Brittany and Santana can't help but laugh because all three of them know she's lying.

"Quinn, today is the first time you've gotten out of your pyjamas in like, four days," Brittany says. "And that's only because you had to go to the grocery store, otherwise you'd still be lazing around!"

"Hey! Yale's tough, y'know?"

"And it's not like reporting for a newspaper isn't?"

"That's not what I meant, Britt," Quinn apologizes.

"I know, I know, I'm just kidding," Brittany says, ruffling Quinn's hair making her pull a face. So... Santana, how's your week been? Anything new?"

Santana updates her on everything that's been going on in her life – about work, her parents. She talks about Alex very briefly and Brittany's glad. She's happy enough to listen to stories like the one Santana's telling right now about two kids who came into her shop last week on a date.

"Seriously, they couldn't have been older than thirteen and they were acting like they'd been in love for years!"

"That's so cute though!"

"Quinn, you didn't see them! They were holding hands and making puppy dog eyes and I just wanted to throw up!"

Brittany just settles into a chair at the table beside Quinn and relaxes as she watches Quinn and Santana talk. She's missed this. It was always the three of them in school – well, sometimes it was just her and Santana, but she knew deep down it was always the three of them. They were, as Santana once said, besties for life.

"I gotta go guys," Santana says, a tone of sadness in her voice. It's clear that she's missed spending time with them too. Even though Skyping isn't the same as spending time together in person, it's more than they ever thought they'd get after three years of not knowing if they'd see each other again.

"Okay, Skype soon, yeah?"

"No worries," Santana says. "Bye!" She waves and both Quinn and Brittany wave back and say their goodbyes. The screen goes blank a few seconds later.

"It's nice having her back," Quinn says, and Brittany smiles.

"Yeah, it is. I have news for you, though. Better than Santana," Brittany says, getting up and opening the fridge to get some orange juice.

"Better than Santana? You're lying."

"Nope. Guess who's got a ten page arts festival centre spread and VIP tickets to a Nicholas Sparks press conference in two weeks?"

Quinn's mouth opens wide in shock. "No way! That's amazing news, Britt!" she says as she jumps up off her seat to hug Brittany.

"And that's not the best part."

"It's not?"

"Nope. The best part is that the Festival is in Philadelphia."

"So, you'll get to see Santana? Have you told her you're going?"

"No, I'm going to surprise her," Brittany says with a smirk on her face, planning how she's going to keep it a secret and hopefully Santana will be happy to see her when she shows up.

"She'll be happy to see you."

"I hope so."

* * *

When Brittany arrives at the Holiday Inn in Midtown, she checks in and makes her way to her room. She's decided that she's going to find the coffee shop that Santana works in and just hope she's not off today. Even if she is, she can spend the day working on her article there, so either way she's justifying the trip. Brittany packs her notebook and pens into her shoulder bag and makes her way onto the streets of Philadelphia.

Using her iPhone she follows the route given her on the map, which should take about twenty minutes walking from her hotel. She didn't think she'd be that close.

She gets there slightly after two o'clock and when she steps through the door Santana is nowhere to be seen. She starts to think that maybe she's went home early, or it's her day off. She's staying either way, so she joins the queue to order her coffee.

She's paying at the counter when the young cashier apologises before he yells, "Santana, I need change!". Suddenly, it feels like the temperature in the room has risen by a hundred degrees and there's no air left for her to breathe. Her head starts to spin, and she wants to run – god, she's so stupid for coming her unannounced – but her feet won't let her move.

A few moments pass before Santana comes into view and, if she wasn't having trouble breathing before, Brittany definitely feels like the wind has been knocked out of her lungs now. Santana looks breathtakingly beautiful. She's wearing her barista apron with black trousers and a fitted black blouse that shows off her figure. Her hair is tied up in a loose ponytail and she's wearing her glasses. She looks so relaxed and happy that Brittany's breath actually hitches.

She asks the cashier what he needs before disappearing into the back to get it for him.

"Sorry about this," he says.

"No... it's fine, honestly," Brittany replies. "Santana..." Brittany points to where Santana left a few seconds ago, "she's actually who I came here to see."

"Yeah? You know her?"

"Um, yeah, we went to high school together."

"Oh right, cool, so you're an out of towner too? Lima, right?"

"Originally, yes, but not anymore, I live in New Haven now."

"So what brings you to Philly then?"

The cashier never gets the answer. Instead, he's just greeted with a speechless Brittany as she meets Santana's eyes for the first time. He doesn't see the equally speechless Santana standing behind him.

"Britt..." Santana says, in such a soft tone that it makes Brittany melt.

"Hi," Brittany says.

"What are you doing here!"

"Um... I'm in town for a few days to report on the Arts Festival."

"Wow," Santana says, still not quite believing that Brittany's there in front of her.

They stare at each other for a second too long because the cashier coughs loudly and purposely to remind Santana to give him the change so he can move Brittany on and serve the rest of the customers. Santana giggles slightly to herself before placing the notes in his till and he counts out the rest of Brittany's change before handing it to her.

"Thanks," Brittany says.

"Your coffee should be ready for you down at the end there," the cashier says.

"Oh- never worry, I've got it," Santana butts in quickly, and takes over from the barista making Brittany's coffee beside her. She puts extra cream on the top before carrying it over to Brittany.

"Where would you like to sit?" Santana asks, still holding the coffee.

"That table," Brittany says, pointing to one beside the window. "I came to write an article so I like to be able to watch people as I do it."

"Okay," Santana smiles. "Follow me." She leads Brittany to her table and sets her coffee down. She pulls Brittany's chair out for her the way someone would if they were trying to impress on a date. As Brittany sits down she just laughs.

"I hope you don't treat all your customers like this, Santana!"

"Nope, just the special ones."

Brittany's heart skips. "And... are there many special ones?"

Santana pretends to look confused, and goes through the motions of trying to count them all up in her head. When it looks like she's got an answer, she smirks before replying. "In all the time I've worked here, I can only think of one."

She walks away before Brittany can even reply.

* * *

Every time Brittany looks up from the notebook she's writing in she catches Santana's eye and smiles, knowing she caught her doing something she probably didn't want Brittany to see. Santana comes over and gives Brittany a free refill when her coffee is finished, and when it's time for her break, she comes over to Brittany's table.

"Can I sit here?" she asks, as if she's meeting Brittany for the first time.

"Sure," Brittany replies, and she points to the empty seat for Santana to take it. She sits down and takes a sip of her coffee.

"So... what's a young lady like you doing sitting all alone in a place like this?"

"Santana, stop," Brittany laughs. Her heart's beating a mile a minute because Santana hasn't spoke like this to her in years, and she really shouldn't be. She's a taken woman. "Let's just be friends and sit and have lunch together, okay?"

"Sure," Santana says, still smiling. "Anything you want. So, tell me more about this Arts Festival you're here for."

"I'm here for four more days. I just have to go to a few events and write up some articles for when I get back because they're giving me a ten page spread about the Festival. I'm just starting on this one," she points to the pages in front of her. "It's just a general overall introduction article. It's all I can write until I've gone to the events." Santana stares at her with adoration and Brittany smiles. "You okay?"

"It's just... you're so... you landed on your feet, didn't you?" Santana says, taking another sip of coffee.

"It's a great job and I love it, so I guess, yeah, I did. It's really demanding sometimes, though."

"Oh, I'm sure it is. I bet it's crazy with deadlines. At least I don't have any of that to worry about here," Santana says, looking around the shop.

"It's nice," Brittany observes. "Welcoming."

"Are you sure that's the shop or is it just Ethan over there behind the counter? Because I know you have a thing for younger men..." Santana teases.

"Damn! You see right through me every time! Is he single? Do you think I could give him my number?" Brittany jokes, and it feels so good to be laughing with Santana over something so silly again that she almost feels like they're back in high school.

"I don't know... he's pretty hard to get..."

"Well, I'm sure I could fight for him. I don't give up easily when I see something I like," Brittany says, and it's only after she's said the words and she sees the subtle change in Santana's expression, that she understands the double meaning to her words.

"I just remembered I have some ordering to do... but I guess I'll go and put a good word in for you with Ethan," Santana says, and it's clear that she's trying to keep the same playful tone that they had a few seconds ago, but her smile doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"Oh, okay. Well I'll be here for a while if he wants to come over and say hi." Brittany tries to keep the tone light; she doesn't want Santana to walk away downhearted over this, but she fails. She sees Santana's face fall when she turns to walk away and thinks Brittany can't see her anymore. She thinks she sees Santana's shoulders rise and fall as if she's taking a deep breath, just before she disappears into the back of the shop. Brittany knows that Santana only takes deep breaths like that when she's trying not to cry.

* * *

Half an hour later, Brittany's finished her third coffee and her introductory article is almost complete. All it needs now is a redraft, but she can do that in the morning on a good night's sleep and with a fresh look. She packs up her things and puts them in her bag, before getting up and pushing the chair back in under the table. She looks towards the counter to try and find Santana so she can say goodbye.

She finds her right away.

She finds Alex too.

Brittany doesn't want to see this, but she can't look away. It's clear that Alex has surprised Santana because the look on her face is enough for her to know that she wasn't expecting her. Alex leans in and their lips meet. Brittany feels like she's going to throw up.

She can't stand around and watch this. She needs to get out of here. It takes a moment before her feet start to move, but when they do, she bolts out the door and makes her way to the hotel without looking back.

She barely makes it into her hotel room before she lets out a shaky sob. She tries to control it because she's not going to cry. No, she's stronger than this. She knew this was coming, so she's not going to cry. She throws her bag on the floor and crawls into bed, still fully clothed. She closes her eyes and tries to block out the images of Santana kissing her girlfriend.

* * *

She wakes up four hours later and it takes a moment for her mind to register where she is. It takes another moment for her to register why her head feel sore and her heart feels like it's about to burst.

Every time she thinks she's used to this it's like something comes up to remind her that Santana doesn't belong to her anymore, and being just friends is proving to be more and more difficult by the day. There's no happy medium.

The message tone goes off on Brittany's phone, still in her bag. Reluctantly, she drags herself out of the bed and makes her way over to where she'd thrown her bag down beside the desk. She fishes her phone out and sees that she has four missed calls from Santana and three messages.

_Hey, where did you go?_

_I didn't mean for you to see that._

The last one makes her confused.

_I'm sorry. Just talk to me. Please._

Why is Santana apologising when she didn't do anything wrong?


	6. Chapter 6

Brittany doesn't call Santana back or reply to her messages straight away. She leaves them overnight so she can get her head around all of this. The way Santana was obviously flirting with her earlier, and how she apologised for kissing her girlfriend. If anything, it should be Brittany who apologises for running out on her like that. She still doesn't really understand why anyone's apologising for anything when they've done nothing wrong.

She's in Philadelphia for a reason though, and that reason isn't to sit around moping over Santana, so she gets out of bed, gets dressed and makes her way to the first event that Michael booked for her.

She reaches the gallery around lunch time and she's hit the rush. The place is overcrowded and she hates being in art galleries when there's so many people. It doesn't let her appreciate the art the right way, and she can't get lost in the atmosphere because it's too busy. She sighs before entering. Maybe this is going to be more of a chore than a pleasure.

"Can I take your name, Miss?" an older lady says, standing in the doorway of the gallery.

"Oh, yeah, Brittany Pierce."

She runs her finger down the list of people that they are expecting and she finds Brittany's name halfway down the list before ticking it off and handing her a wristband.

"There you go, just keep that on your wrist and you can go anywhere you want within the exhibition," she says with a smile.

"Thank you," Brittany says, making her way into the first room. The art is incredible. The exhibition has been put on especially for the festival and the theme is 'Philly Through The Years'. There's an amazing contrast between old black and white art of Philadelphia decades ago, and the bright, colourful art that represents it now. Even with the crowds, Brittany finds herself enjoying it.

Two hours later, she's made her way through most of the exhibition, taking notes on the pieces that stand out most so she can write about them for the Register when she gets back to her room later. There's a table with free refreshments – champagne and food – so she makes her way over for a glass. She's never been one to turn down free alcohol, especially when her head feels like she might already be drunk anyway from the way Santana is making her feel.

She takes a sip of the champagne and almost automatically feels it go to her head. Suddenly she wishes Santana was here with her. She knows Santana would laugh at some of the people in here, acting like their experts trying to find a secret meaning that every artist has hidden behind their work. She knows Santana would be giggling because they're getting free alcohol and she'd maybe have a glass of two more than she should. She knows Santana would smile at her every few minutes and nothing else would seem like it mattered anymore. So she takes her phone out of her pocket and decides to text her back. There's one new message.

_Britt?_

It's so short but it says so much. Santana doesn't know what to say, so she just wants Brittany to explain. She just wants Brittany to let her know she hasn't messed them up for a second time.

_Sorry I ran out on you yesterday. _

It's all she can say. She doesn't know how to explain it without telling Santana she still loves her, and right now she doesn't really think that's appropriate. She knows that the message will have taken a weight off Santana's shoulders though, so she just waits for the reply.

_Don't be. Are we okay?_

Brittany's fingers hover over the screen as she decides what to reply. She keeps typing out messages and deleting them – _why wouldn't we be? _– too aggressive, _of course we are, don't worry _– too dismissive, _are you_ _okay? _– she doesn't want to ask. So she just sends what she hopes is the truth.

_We will be._

* * *

She's scrolling through the website for the Arts Festival trying to get some facts and names to put in her article. She clicks on the page about the play she's seeing tomorrow night and writes down the theatre company's name, the choreographer, and a little bit of the biography that's on the site. There's a section at the side to reserve tickets and the only thing she notices is that it's not sold out like almost all the rest are.

It's almost like her body acts without her knowing; because before she knows it she has an e-mail in her inbox which is a receipt for a seated ticket to the show under the name of 'Lopez'. She stares at the screen for a moment before it really registers. She doesn't even know if Santana's free tomorrow night, let alone if she'll agree to come with her. She doesn't owe her anything.

Before she asks Santana she calls the number for the venue and a woman picks up.

"Hi, my name is Brittany Pierce and I have a ticket for tomorrow night's show. I know the seats are first come first served, but I was just wondering if I could make sure that there are two seats reserved beside each other? Mine and the booking that's just been made under 'Lopez'."

"Okay, let me just check, Miss. Pierce," the lady says, and there's noises on the other end of the line that let's Brittany know that the woman is working on a computer. "Yes, that's fine, I'll put a reserved sign out for you so you get to sit together."

"Okay, that's great, thank you," Brittany says, before they say goodbyes and hang up. She really doesn't know what she's doing but all she knows is that she wants to share at least a part of this experience with Santana. With the phone still in her hand, she scrolls down to Santana's name and just stares at it for a moment before calling her.

"Hey!" Santana says, her tone obviously happy to hear from Brittany in a way that's not just few word text messages.

"Hi," Brittany replies. Suddenly she feels incredibly awkward. "Um, I was just calling to ask what you're doing tomorrow night."

"Tomorrow…," Santana trails off as she goes over her schedule in her mind. "Tomorrow night I'm free."

This is too good to be true.

"Would you like to come to a play with me?" She feels so stupid even asking. She's calling up her ex-girlfriend asking if she wants to go out to a play with her. It doesn't matter that they're trying to get the just friends thing right, it just feels like she's doing something wrong. She half expects Santana to decline, to put her in her place and say no, this is wrong, they need to stop. But she doesn't.

"I'd love to, Britt."

She can't help but let out a relieved laugh before replying. "Great! Can you meet me at seven in the parking lot by the Walnut Street Theater?"

"I'll be there," Santana says with the sound of a smile evident in her voice.

* * *

Brittany arrives at ten to seven, far too nervous to sit around and just wait. The nerves are something she doesn't understand. Santana's the girl who's been her best friend for pretty much her entire life – give or take a few years – so there's absolutely no explanation. The only reason she even dares to think about is that they haven't seen each other in person since Brittany walked out on her two days before.

The nerves are completely stripped from her the moment she sees Santana. It takes a few moments for it to register in her mind that Santana's ten minutes early too. Maybe even more, saying she's already waiting.

"About time!" Santana jokes, looking at the non-existent watch on her wrist. "I was about to leave, I didn't think you were coming…"

"I'm ten minutes early, Santana," Brittany says playfully. "I probably should have just made you stress and been ten minutes late," she says, punching Santana lightly on the arm.

"You'd be going on your own to this thing if you had," Santana says, but it's clear from the tone she uses that she had no intention of leaving even if Brittany was late.

"Well, I'm glad I don't have to. C'mon, I reserved us tickets."

They walk to the box office and collect their tickets before making their way to the doors. A young man, dressed in a suit, scans their tickets in turn before letting them inside. When they enter the reception area, they find a member of staff and so Brittany can find out where their seats are.

"And your name?" the lady asks.

"Brittany Pierce, for the New Haven Register." She didn't mean to sound so proud, but when Santana's looking at her the way she is right now – like she's the most amazing person on the planet – it's hard not to.

"Ah, yes. I think we spoke on the phone yesterday?"

"Yes, I think we did. Thanks for sorting this out for me," Brittany says.

"Not a problem! I actually have some programmes for you," the lady says, handing one to each of them in turn. "Free of charge, of course," she adds, just as Brittany was reaching for her purse. She puts it back in her bag and says thank you at the same time as Santana does. "If you just make your way through those doors over by the stairs, you'll find your seats reserved for you four rows from the back."

"Okay, that's great, thank you," Brittany says as they make their way to the auditorium. Santana holds the door open for Brittany and she blushes slightly as she makes her way inside. Just as they'd been told, their seats are reserved and they find them easily.

"This is incredible, Britt," Santana says, in awe. "This is what you do for a living?"

"It's usually not as exciting or on such a big scale as this but yes," she replies, still slightly proud of herself. The reservation sign says _"Brittany Pierce, New Haven Register + guest"_. Brittany lifts the piece of paper off the chair before sitting down. "I guess you're my guest for the evening."

"Sounds good to me," Santana says as she sits down in the chair beside Brittany and puts her bag on the floor. They both take off their coats and settle in, making small talk until the show starts. It's comfortable for both of them and there's never any silence. They talk about the show as they read their programmes, the people in the crowd, even reminisce about how they both miss being on stage and how performing with glee was something they both loved.

At seven thirty exactly, the lights dim and the show begins.

Brittany sets her programme down on the floor in front of her, and as she sits back up she accidentally grazes her hand along Santana's on the arm rest in between them.

"Sorry! Sorry," she whispers, and moves her hands into her lap. Santana just smiles at her and then turns her attention back to the stage in front of them. Throughout the whole show the only thing Brittany can think about is how she can still feel where Santana's skin touched her own.

* * *

The show ends around ten and they leave the theatre with the crowd, still feeling the buzz that is almost electric in the air around them. Brittany goes to shows all the time, but they're always for amateur productions, never anything on such a professional scale as this. The last stage production Santana seen was West Side Story, and she didn't even get to see all of it because she was performing in it. Both of them are on a high from the experience.

"My hotel's just down here," Brittany says, when they're both standing awkwardly outside the theatre, neither knowing how to say goodbye.

"Okay, cool," Santana says. There's a beat, and then, "I'll walk you."

Brittany knows that it shouldn't be like this, but there's a certain undertone to this whole evening that's made it feel much less like friends meeting up and much more like a date. She doesn't know how to feel about it, other than it feels like everything she's been missing in her life for the past three years are coming back to her little by little. She's not going to get ahead of herself though. This _isn't_ a date, and Santana is very much not her girlfriend.

"I'd like that."

Still, there's no harm in giving yourself a small indulgence every now and then, right? Especially when you're doing nothing wrong.

"Awesome," Santana replies.

Brittany's hotel is a ten minute walk from the theatre, so by the time they've talked about their favourite parts of the show and how amazing it was, they're standing on the sidewalk and it's time to say goodbye. There's no more delaying it, but there's still the same amount of awkwardness.

"So, are you getting a cab back or-"

She's cut off by Santana's hands on her cheeks and lips on her own, firm but passionate. It takes a moment to register in her mind what's happening – how foreign and how familiar this feels at the same time. For the briefest second she let's herself melt into it and savour the taste of Santana that she hasn't had in so long. As quick as she does though, she pulls back and starts shaking her head.

"No, no, no," Brittany says, head shaking profusely and bringing her hand up to touch her lips where Santana's were moments before. "No, we can't – you – I won't –"

Santana reaches up and places one hand on Brittany's shoulder, the other strokes gently at Brittany's cheek, and their eyes meet. They just stare at each other for a few moments, savouring the feeling, until Santana breaks the silence.

"Please," she says, her voice cracking and small. "Please, Britt. I just – I can't be around you anymore if I can't kiss you. I need you."

"Al-Alex," Brittany manages to choke out.

"Britt, since you called me that day back in May I've felt like I'm cheating on _you_ with _her._ Not that what we've been doing is cheating – I just feel like I should be spending all my time with you, not her."

"Santana, we can't. I'm not going to let you cheat on her," Brittany protests, but it's weak.

"Please, can we just have this? If this is it – if we never have this again after tonight – can we at least have this? Just one more time." Santana's eyes well up with tears, and one makes its way down her cheek. Brittany wipes it away softly with her thumb, and Santana laughs shakily at how gentle Brittany is with her even now.

"You don't want to see each other again after tonight?" Brittany says, hurt.

"No! God, no, Britt, that's not what I meant at all. I meant if you wanted to put an end to this – whatever this is – you can. But I'll still want you. I've never stopped wanting you." The truth in Santana's eyes leaves Brittany slightly breathless. "Please," she almost begs.

"Are you going to go back to her after?"

"I'll break up with her tomorrow if you want me to."

"That's not my decision to make. You need to know that this is what you want."

"You're the only thing I've ever wanted."

It takes Brittany less than a second to lean forward and kiss Santana the way she's been dying to for the past three years. She wraps her arms around Santana's neck and pulls her closer, and Santana mirrors her actions. They can feel each other melt into the touch again, and Brittany feels Santana smile into their kiss. Brittany brings her hands up to tangle in Santana's hair before pulling away to rest against Santana's forehead.

"Not like this," she says. "Not when you have a girlfriend. I – I can't do that. I want to so bad, but it's not right."

Santana smiles and pecks Brittany on the lips softly before they break apart completely. "You're right. It's not fair on her."

"It's not fair on any of us," Brittany says and Santana nods in agreement.

"I'll work it out, Britt. I promise.

Brittany nods, before pulling Santana in for a hug. "Okay."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N - wow, there was definitely a mixed response from the last chapter! In the words of Mr. Falchuk - "Too much respect for that journey to wrap it up neat & tidy. This story is important to me." :D **

* * *

Brittany makes her way up to her hotel room and as soon as she gets through the door, she makes her way to the bed and lies down. She doesn't understand what just happened; she can't quite get her head around it. If she's being honest with herself, she's not sure she wants to. She doesn't want to admit to herself that Santana still likes her because it makes everything so much harder.

But it doesn't matter how she looks at this – Santana _does_ like her. Santana even told her that she'd break up with her girlfriend for her. She's surprised that she acted so level headed, when her entire body was screaming with the need to fulfil the craving she's had for Santana since they broke up. Once she got a taste of what she's been missing for all this time, it was difficult to think rationally, but she did and she's thankful. It would have only hurt both of them more than they already are if she'd given in and let Santana come back to her room with her. Tomorrow morning is going to be confusing enough without waking up beside Santana, or worse, _not _waking up beside Santana and realising she's gone back to her girlfriend after sleeping with Brittany the night before.

The conversation echoes in her mind and she can't let go. She can't get the image of Santana out of her mind, her face pleading Brittany to just give her one more chance. To just let them be together one last time. Brittany doesn't want that though. She doesn't want them to just be a visitation of the past. She doesn't want them to just go through the motions because they've missed the touch so much. She wants it to be everything they used to have and more. She wants them to be in a relationship, not just two people who hook up and have all these feelings that they can't talk about or deal with. They tried that before and it almost ruined them. If Brittany's learnt one thing from having Santana in her life, it's that everything is better when two people are committed fully to one another.

She falls asleep in the early hours of the morning wishing she had Santana's arms wrapped around her waist, but in her heart she understands why she can't have that.

Understanding doesn't make it hurt any less.

* * *

It takes a few seconds after she wakes up to realise that it wasn't a dream, and that Santana really had kissed her last night. Everything is much more complicated in daylight. Thinking about what they did was wrong. It was a mistake and the thought of it makes her feel sick.

She needs to talk to Santana about this. They need to sit down and talk and get everything out in the open. All of their feelings. They need to strip themselves bare and lay their cards on the table if they have any chance of being around each other without breaking each other's hearts again and again. This dance they've been doing for the past five months has definitely been exciting, and it's certainly got Brittany's adrenalin pumping when she accidentally grazes Santana's skin, or catches Santana staring at her when she shouldn't be, but there's only so much she can take before she gives in. She's kind of glad Santana gave in first.

She's heading home tomorrow, and has the press conference today, so the only time she can meet Santana to talk is later tonight. If Santana's not free, she doesn't know when she'll see her again in person.

_Can you meet me tonight to talk about… well, y'know? I go home tomorrow._

She throws the phone on the nightstand and gets up to get showered and dressed. The entire time she's in the shower she doesn't go through her usual routine of singing while she's showering. Her mind is too overcrowded to think of anything other than Santana. She gets out and wraps herself in a towel before heading back into the room to check her phone.

_Um, sure. Where and when?_

She doesn't know if she's happy that Santana's agreed to meet or not. On one hand she's glad they'll get this cleared up and they'll be able to see where the other one stands, but on the other hand she hates talking about feelings with Santana when they aren't together. It's always just made them both upset, and she's sure that this is going to be no exception.

_About 9 outside the convention center? I have a conference, but I'm free after. _

Her flight home is early in the morning, so she wants to get to sleep early. She doesn't want to make this last any longer than it needs to.

_Okay, cya then._

Brittany sighs because all the fun and playfulness has been taken from their texts, and they're awkward. It never feels right to be awkward with Santana. Talking to, and being with, Santana has always been the most natural thing in her life. She hates that it might not be anymore.

* * *

The conference is _incredible_. As soon as she makes her way through the doors to the hall, Brittany actually stops and stands there for a moment to take it all in. There are reporters from newspapers and television stations not only from all over America, but from all over the world. She knew this was going to be a big event, but she didn't realise it was going to be _this_ big.

She walks up through the rows of seats until she finds where her seat has been reserved for her and she sits down. She gets her notebook and pen out of her bag, along with a bottle of water, and just sits and waits for the event to start. The atmosphere is incredible and she feels very blessed to be lucky enough to be a part of something so special. The lights dim after ten minutes and a few people rush to their seats.

A man comes on stage to introduce Nicholas Sparks, before the crowd cheers and claps as he makes his way on stage. The crowd is hanging on his every word, all eager to hear the exclusive scoop on his new book. If the rest are anything to go by, this is going to be on the New York Times bestseller list in its first week of release.

After reading some sections of his new book, the floor opens for the Q&A session. Reporters are chiming in with questions about how he feels about success, about the new story and how he thinks it's going to be received in comparison to the rest, if he feels any pressure to maintain a certain standard now that his books are so popular.

A young woman raises her hand near the front of the hall to ask a question and the hall goes silent. "There's a particular line in _Dear John_ that I love where you wrote – 'I fell in love with her when we were together, then fell deeper in love with her in the years we were apart.' – did that come from personal experience or do you just try to write from the character's perspective as best you can?"

Brittany's heart almost stops and she coughs, choking on the air that isn't making its way into her lungs. She doesn't even hear his answer, she can't hear anything. The world is silent and suddenly she's not in a room surrounded by reporters, but she's surrounded by Santana. All she can see is the softness of Santana's face, the brightness in her eyes, her hair falling over her shoulders, her curves, her smile, her-

It's too much. It's far too much.

She snaps back into reality when a man two seats down asks a question and the sound of his voice brings her back into the room. She takes a sip of water from her bottle and tries to get herself together. She's at work. She's at work and this is probably one of the most important articles she's ever going to write in her life, so she needs to be paying attention. This is only going to happen once. There's a lifetime to pay attention to Santana and think about all the things that make her perfect, but there's only one chance to get this right.

She opens her notebook at a blank page and starts taking notes on everything that's happening around her.

Maybe the more this hurts her, the better her writing will be. Maybe, she thinks, just maybe, if everything hits too close to home, she'll be able to write another one of those articles that leaves Mr. Carson speechless.

It's the only positive thing she can come up with right now and it's the only thing that keeps her from running.

* * *

The hour until the conference ends is the longest of her life. She should have known that it wasn't going to be easy to listen to someone talk about their work when all their stories are about separation, and true love winning in the end. In one of his answers he even said that the journey back to each other is the most important part, and that sometimes you show more love to a person when you're not with them than you do when you are.

It all hit far too close to home, and she's emotionally drained already even though she hasn't spoken to Santana yet. She feels like she's going to physically break, like her heart can't take any more. She knows she has to though. They have to make this work, somehow. They've always done everything against the odds. Their whole relationship has always been about having the right feelings at the wrong time and they haven't failed to find a way back to each other yet, so why should that change now?

Santana's already waiting for her outside the conference centre – she didn't expect anything else – and both girls visibly soften when they see each other. Brittany notes how the smile on Santana's face doesn't shine as bright as it usually does. If anything, it's like she's smiling to cover up her sadness, not because she's happy. Brittany gives her a half smile back before walking over to her.

"Hey! How was your conference?" Santana says.

_Awful; all I could think about was you. Do you think our story will have a happy ending? Or do you think we're the ones who get together in the middle but go back to other people after?_

"It was okay," Brittany shrugs, internally thanking her brain for filtering what she actually wanted to say. "It was massive. There were so many people from all over the world," she says, pointing to the other reporters who are making their way out of the centre around them.

"Did you get enough to write about?" Santana asks, genuinely interested. It's something Brittany's always loved about her, but even more so now that Santana doesn't _have_ to be interested. She still is though, and she still makes the effort to ask about Brittany's work because she knows how important it is to her. Things that are important to Brittany have always been important to Santana.

"I think I got more than enough to write about," Brittany replies, honestly. Right now she feels she could write an entire book about this night and this trip, not just a few articles.

"That's good," Santana says, before the first tell-tale signs of nervousness appear on her face. "I… I, uh, got you something," she says, handing Brittany a small, neatly wrapped package. Brittany's face screws up in confusion and she reaches out to take it from Santana before opening it. When she does, she smiles and relaxes. She takes the pen out of its box and just looks at it. It's covered in cats of all shapes and sizes, and it's just so very _Brittany_ that she's kind of taken aback.

"Thank you," she says softly, her cheeks slightly blushing. "But, why did you get me a present?"

Santana shifts awkwardly on her feet before replying. "To apologise," she says. "For last night. I didn't know what else to get you, and I guess you write a lot so…"

"It's perfect, Santana, honestly. But you didn't have to get me anything."

Santana just shrugs and looks at Brittany with pleading eyes that say _I know, but I did anyway._ Brittany can almost feel herself falling further in love with Santana. She didn't even know it was possible.

"Wanna go somewhere a little less busy so we can talk?" Brittany asks when Santana doesn't say anything. Santana just nods and breathes out a shaky 'yeah'. "Do you wanna lead the way? I don't know anywhere in Philly."

"Oh, um, of course. There's a park like, a five minute walk from your hotel?" Santana suggests.

"Okay, sounds good."

* * *

The walk there isn't as awkward as Brittany expected, but she knows they're only making small talk so they can put off the inevitable until they can sit somewhere and talk without interruptions. Somehow the small talk makes things worse, not better and Brittany feels slightly nauseous.

They get to Franklin Square after a fifteen minute walk and find a bench beside one of the paths and sit down. Santana leans forward, her arms resting on her knees in front of her.

"What are we gonna do, Britt?" she says, looking at the ground.

"I – I don't know."

Santana takes a breath and closes her eyes before she speaks again. "I can't break up with her."

Brittany's head snaps to the side to look at Santana. She didn't think words could hurt so badly, but then again what did she expect?

"I can't break up with her, Britt," Santana repeats, and it's only then that Brittany notices that she's crying. "I love you, but I can't – I just, I can't," Santana chokes out and Brittany's heart tightens.

_She just said I love you._

Before the thought even has a chance to register completely, she's suddenly overcome with emotion. This is all too familiar. It feels like high school again and the tables are turned. It feels like it did when Santana walked up to her at her locker and laid her cards on the table, only for Brittany to tell her she couldn't break up with Artie. It hurts to be on the receiving end of it. It hurts more than she could ever have imagined.

But at least she understands.

"It's okay," she whispers, carefully rubbing her hand up and down Santana's back to comfort her. "Santana, it's okay. I get it," her words come out far shakier than she would have liked.

"It's not okay though, is it?"

Brittany doesn't say anything. Their situation right now is anything but okay. But the way they're handling it, is probably as close to okay as they're going to get.

"I shouldn't have kissed you last night," Santana says. "I shouldn't have. It was stupid, _I _was being stupid. I'm not a cheater, Britt, I'm not. I – I just needed you more than I ever have in my life. I'm sorry."

"Hey," Brittany says, her eyes welling up with tears at how broken Santana is. "Look at me for a moment." Reluctantly Santana lifts her head and Brittany tries not to get distracted by how beautiful Santana is when she's like this. When she's broken and hurt because she cares so much about the people in her life. Maybe it makes her a bad person, but sometimes Brittany thinks it's the purest form of beauty there is. Santana meets Brittany's eyes and waits for her to speak. "Don't apologise. I wanted it as much as you did. It would have happened eventually, okay? Maybe we made a mistake, but don't apologise for giving yourself something you want."

Santana breathes out and smiles slightly. "Okay. But what are we going to do?"

It's the hardest thing she's ever had to muster up the courage to say, but she knows she has to say it.

"Nothing. We're going to do nothing," Brittany says. Her voice sounds strained and she's sure Santana knows how difficult this is for her. "I want to be with you, but there's too much going on right now for it to work."

"So we're just going to give up? Seriously, Britt?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying."

"Then what _are _you saying?" Santana asks with the slightest hint of annoyance in her voice.

"What I'm saying is… we wait. We wait and we see how things work out from here."

"I can't ask you to do that."

"You're not asking me. You care enough about Alex to want to do this properly."

"I care about you too! I'm just hurting you again!" Santana half yells, taking a few deep breaths to steady herself.

"Santana," Brittany says, when Santana looks away from her again and refuses to meet her eyes. "Santana, stop."

"I just thought we could work this out," Santana says, defeated.

"We are. Is that not what we're doing right now?" Santana looks at her waiting for her to continue. "Just because we aren't getting together right away doesn't mean we don't care about each other and it doesn't mean we won't get together again eventually. It just means we respect each other enough to stop playing with our emotions."

"God, Britt…"

"You need to work this out with yourself before you can work it out with me or with Alex." Santana nods, and looks at the ground again. "But just know that I'll be here for you when you do work it out, okay?"

"But I don't want you to wait for me. I don't want to hold you back."

"Santana…"

"No, Britt, I mean it. I feel like the worst person already for saying things and then telling you the opposite. I don't want to keep letting you down."

"The only way you could possibly let me down is if you didn't take the time to figure out what you really want." The conversation is hurting her more than she's letting on and she's surprised she hasn't broken yet. One of them needs to be strong. "I love you. That's all you need to know."

"How can you? How… after everything?"

"I don't know," she says honestly, and it pains her to see Santana's face fall slightly. "But I do."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N - okay, first off, I have to apologise for the delay in this chapter. Life kind of happened and between working 45 hour weeks, having 2 uni assignments due and a whole bunch of other stuff, I kind of got sidetracked so I hope you'll forgive me! **_  
_

* * *

_You left yet?_

Brittany's just checking in when she gets it. She decides not to reply right away. They both need to learn how to do the distance thing. Not just physically – even though they're going to be in separate cities again – but emotionally too. Both of them need to learn how to separate themselves from the other. It's not going to be easy. Brittany knows it's going to be really, really hard. These past few days have been amazing. Even though they've both cried and made mistakes and neither of them have really got anything figured out – if anything they're farther away from having anything figured out than they've ever been – it's still been the best four days Brittany's had in a long time, and she knows it has very little to do with anything other than the company she was in.

After making her way through security, and into the departures lounge, she tries to find somewhere to relax for a while before she's called to board her flight. She finds a café and joins the back of the queue, and it only takes a few seconds for her to realise that from now on every single coffee shop is going to remind her of Santana. Of the way they were flirting like they'd never been apart, of the way she kept catching Santana staring at her when she shouldn't have been, of the way Santana was kissing her girlfriend as if Brittany wasn't even in the room.

She also realises this is the way her memories of Santana are probably going to be from now on. One, maybe two, happy memories, followed by one that's disrupted by Alex or words like "I can't". She thinks maybe she'll take whatever she can get. She's glad she even has new happy memories of Santana to _be_ disrupted. That's really more than she ever thought she'd have the opportunity to get again.

As she sits down at the table with her coffee she types out a reply.

_Just at the airport now, waiting to get called to board._

She sets her phone down on the table beside her and starts to sip on her coffee, just appreciating the moments where she can be completely alone. It's what she needs right now, because being in Philadelphia just made her want to be with Santana at every opportunity she could, and she knows once she gets back to New Haven that Quinn will be questioning her every move and will know something's changed. Her phone vibrates and brings her back into reality.

_Okay, have a safe flight. Let me know you get back okay._

She replies right away.

_Will do. _

Being alone in the airport for a few hours, followed by the flight back home, is the most relaxed she's felt in a long time. She knows it won't last, so she appreciates it while she can. There's a whole world of questions and stuff to figure out when she gets back to New Haven.

* * *

When she gets back to the apartment Quinn isn't home, which is strange because she's usually back by six and it's almost eight now. Brittany just drags her suitcase through to her bedroom and doesn't even bother unpacking. She just kicks off her shoes and throws her jacket on a chair before she collapses on the bed, the weight of the past few days holding her down. She manages to lie there in silence for fifteen minutes before there's banging coming from the front door. She gets out of bed and peeks her head out of the room, looking at the door of her apartment where she can hear muffled noises and more banging. Just as she starts to make her way toward the door, it opens and a very annoyed Quinn makes her way inside, carrying a stack of books that look like they're about to fall at any moment, muttering under her breath.

"Stupid fucking thing, stupid fucking books, stupid…" she keeps swearing and storming about and Brittany doesn't know if she's aware she's not alone.

"Quinn?" she says hesitantly, stepping closer to her but keeping a distance.

"Oh my god, Britt, what the fuck!" Quinn half yells as her head snaps up and she realises she has company. "I thought you weren't home until tonight."

"It's like half eight, Q," Brittany says, pointing at the clock in their kitchen.

"What?" Quinn replies, frantically checking her watch. "Fuck."

"What's wrong?"

"What's _wrong?_ I'll tell you what's wrong – I have a paper due in two days that I didn't know I had, my first exam for this semester is in fucking _October_, I just had to spend like $300 on these stupid textbooks that I'll use once – which, by the way, I dropped like three times on the way back here – _and_ to top it all off I'm running on two hours sleep because the Carter's on the next floor decided to have a "Quinn needs to study so let's celebrate until 4am" party last night! _That's _what's wrong!" She throws her books down on the couch and brings her fingers up to run through her hair to calm herself down.

Brittany smiles. "I missed you."

"How do you do that?" Quinn asks, with a slight grin starting to show on her face.

"Do what?"

"Manage to make everything that's annoying me seem like it's nothing anymore?"

Brittany laughs. "I dunno, some say it's a gift," she says, shrugging her shoulders.

Quinn shakes her head and smiles. "Well I'd have to agree."

"Are you hungry? I could order in some Chinese or pizza or something."

"Sounds perfect, Britt," Quinn replies, kicking off her shoes and collapsing on the couch beside her books. "Sorry I kind of shouted at you a bit before," she says, as Brittany walks to the kitchen to get the takeout menu and phone.

"It's okay, you're stressed. You need to let it out or it'll just wear you down. Chinese or pizza?" Brittany asks, as she holds up the menus, one in each hand.

"Anything. I just want comfort food."

"Pizza it is then."

* * *

"So are you going to tell me what happened?"

Brittany's head snaps round and her face drops. "What?"

"We've been sitting here eating pizza for like half an hour now and you haven't said a word about Philadelphia. Usually, you'd be struggling to take a breath while you try to tell me everything at once like an overexcited puppy. So… spill."

Brittany takes a deep breath in and keeps from meeting Quinn's eyes.

"She kissed me," she says quietly as Quinn's head flies around almost comically. "She loves me."

Quinn stares at her wide eyed, her mouth hanging open in shock. "I… Did I just hear you right, Britt?"

Brittany nods and chances a quick glance to meet Quinn's eyes before smiling sadly and looking away again.

"She _kissed _you? Brittany, she has a girlfriend!" It's not the obvious stating of fact that makes Brittany's heart drop. It's not the thought of sitting beside Santana while she said she couldn't break up with Alex. It's not the reminder of the amount of strength it took to break away from that kiss. No, it's the use of her full name and the tone of voice that Quinn is using that makes her feel most guilty.

"I know, Quinn," she replies, not looking up from the place she's staring at on the floor.

"She's a cheater. She's a cheater and she's fucked Alex over and she's fucked you over and if I ever see her in person I swear to _god_ –"

"Quinn, stop."

"No, I've sat around and held my tongue for long enough about this! Britt, can't you see how much she's hurting you? That she's _using_ you?"

"She's not using me," Brittany says, her voice quiet but firm.

"She's not using you? She's kissing you behind her girlfriend's back and saying she loves you before she goes back and says it to her too! And you just fucking let her!"

"It's not like that."

"Then please, Brittany, tell me what it _is_ like, because right now I'm struggling to see the situation for anything other than what it is."

"It's complicated."

Quinn laughs. "Well at least we agree on something."

"We kind of talked it out, and we're not going to do anything. We're just going to let it run its course…"

"You're not serious."

Brittany lifts her head up to look at Quinn and its only then that Quinn understands.

"Oh my god, you're actually serious."

Brittany breathes out a slight laugh. "Yeah, I am."

"That is the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my entire life."

"Excuse me?"

"Right let me get this straight. She loves you. You love her. She kissed you. You kissed her back?" Quinn asks and waits for Brittany to nod for confirmation. She continues when she does. "But she has a girlfriend, and you're not going to do anything about it."

"Yep, pretty much."

"And you don't see why that's like the worst idea either of you have ever had ever?"

"It works out best for both of us."

"No, the only person it works out well for is Alex. Santana's pretending not to love you, you're going to be here wishing you were with her and nothing's going to get worked out. It's going to be like high school all over again."

"Quinn…"

"You need to sort this out."

"And how am I meant to do that?" Brittany half screams, throwing her hands up in the air. "Don't you think I've been trying? Don't you think that there's this part of me that wants to just give up and leave her alone again and pretend all this stuff never happened? And then there's the other part of me that just wants to hold her and never let go?"

"So why don't you just-"

"Because there's no easy way to do this! Everyone's just going to get hurt," she says, deflated. "Everyone's already hurt. And it's my fault."

"It's not your fault."

"Yes, it is."

"You can't help your feelings, Britt," Quinn says, placing a hand on Brittany's shoulder. She observes how exhausted she looks, and knows it's definitely not from lack of sleep or travelling. "And you're sure you want to just leave this the way it is? You're absolutely sure?"

Brittany nods.

"Okay, then we'll leave it."

Brittany doesn't think she's ever been so thankful in her entire life.

* * *

She's been back at work for a week when Mr. Carson approaches her desk. She sees him out of the corner of her eye as she's typing a reply to an e-mail, and she darts her eyes frantically back and forth trying to source the reason he's out here in person, and not just calling her from his office like he usually does. She can't think of a single reason, so she just keeps typing.

"Brittany," he says, with a smile on his face. She looks up from her screen and leans back in her chair away from the keyboard. "Sorry to bother you when you're busy."

"Oh, that's really no problem at all," she says, still slightly flustered because she doesn't understand why he's here. The other reporters are starting to watch the exchange too and she wants the world to swallow her up. She hates being the centre of attention. After high school she realised that when she was writing people seemed to appreciate her a lot more than if she was the centre of attention in glee or on the Cheerios, so she hates having the spotlight on her in person now.

"I was wondering if you had a few minutes to spare to come with me," Michael says.

Brittany checks the time on her computer and sees it's almost lunch time. She doesn't know why she even bothers to check anyway. When the head of the newspaper wants to spend time with you for whatever reason, you make time. Even if you don't have it.

"Of course," she says, standing up.

Michael starts to lead them out of the room and into the elevator. He presses a button for two floors above, where his office is. She starts to relax a little.

"So, you enjoyed the festival?" he says, as they make their way up.

"It was incredible! There was so much going on, I was kind of overwhelmed."

"Well, you did an amazing job on that centre spread I gave you," he says, reassuringly. "Y'know, not a lot of people could have written that whole thing by themselves. It takes someone with real talent to produce something of that standard."

Brittany's shocked. She knows she's good at her job, but she never gets used to the feeling of someone else recognising just how good she is.

"The article you wrote about the conference was probably the best I've ever read."

"Really?" she asks, genuinely curious.

"Definitely. Not many reporters would have the guts to report back the way you did."

She smiles inwardly to herself and lets herself just have one moment of pride. She had been so zoned out that night that she didn't really get enough material to write a full body report on the whole conference, which is what she assumed Mr. Carson wanted. She was sure she'd blown it. Everything. She's lost the girl, and she thought she was going to lose her job in the process too. Except she didn't.

Instead, she put every single ounce of energy she had left into that report and turned into something new, something unexpected. Instead of writing a report stating facts, she wrote a story. She took the answers that had been provided at the conference that night – favourite quotes, writing influences, inspiration, the differences between his life and fiction – and she wrote a story. It was half about an author who never gave up, and half about a girl who never gave up on love. Brittany decided there was no better way to report on a Nicholas Sparks conference, than by writing something Nicholas Sparks-esque. It was a risk. A very, very high risk. But apparently it paid off.

The elevator doors open in front of her with a 'ding!' and she follows Mr. Carson out into the hall. Instead of making their way left towards his office, Mr. Carson leads them off to the right.

"Um, if you don't mind me asking, where are we going?" Brittany had never been in this part of the building. She didn't know what was down here, apart from maybe some more offices.

"You'll see," Michael replies. "Almost there."

Brittany decides to trust him, because she's obviously in his good books after her article, so she probably has nothing to worry about.

"Okay, we're here," he says, a few moments later, bringing them both to an abrupt halt outside an office door. Michael just stares at her in silence, and Brittany stares back, not really understanding what's going on.

Then she sees it.

There's a small plaque on the door that says "Brittany Pierce, Head of Arts and Entertainment".

Michael smiles as he sees the realisation dawn on Brittany's face, and he reaches down to turn the handle and open the door. "Welcome to your new office," he says, holding his arm out to motion for Brittany to make her way inside.

"Are you ser- Head of Arts and Entertainment?"

"If you want it of course," he says with a wink, and Brittany's knees almost give out because yes, yes, yes, _yes_ of _course_ she wants it. She nods, because right now words are failing her.

She makes her way inside and looks around, speechless. There's a large desk with a leather chair behind it in the middle of the room, with book cases on the walls and a massive window overlooking the city. It's so far beyond anything she ever imagined. She's twenty-one years old, and the head of her department. She's sure that's a record.

"Thank you," is all she manages to say.

* * *

It's much more stressful.

That's the first thing she notices. The workload is doubled, the hours are longer, the pressure is bigger. She doesn't really know if she can take it.

Then, as if no time has passed at all, she's made it through her first week without missing a deadline. Then, the second, third, fourth… and she's made it through her first month.

Maybe it's not the end of the world. Maybe it just takes some getting used to.

A lot of things in her life feel like that at the minute. Brittany's realised that the more she works, the less she thinks about Santana. She's went from thinking about her almost every hour of the day – wondering what she's doing, who she's with, checking her Facebook – to thinking about her every other day, to maybe two to three times a week when a new status shows up on her news feed. It makes Brittany feel refreshed and a little upset at the same time. But on the up side, she hasn't cried over Santana in at least a month, and even though her feelings are still very much there, she's just getting on with things.

There's no point in wasting effort on something that isn't her mess to figure out anymore, especially when that energy is always much more effective when she puts it into her work. And the more she works, the more praise she gets from Mr. Carson. It's really a win-win situation.

* * *

Brittany hates going to work in the winter. It's much more manageable now she's on a bigger paycheck and has her own office, but sometimes she still hates it. She hates that it's halfway through November, it's 7am and it's still dark. She hates the cold weather outside, she hates that it still feels like night. It helps that sometimes Quinn has a lecture at nine – like today - so she's getting up at the same time and on those days Brittany doesn't feel so lonely. Still, she needs something to get her through the day. She's not going to have the strength to actually leave the house and go to work if she doesn't.

"Quinn, you want coffee?"

"No, thanks," she shouts back from down the hall from her bedroom. "You work away, I'm just going to get something later on campus."

"Okay, no worries," Brittany replies, before making her way to the kitchen to make her cup. It's too early to eat, she'll get something when she gets to the office, so instead she just sits on the couch in the living room and waits for the coffee to brew. She's flicking through the channels on TV trying to find something remotely interesting to watch when she hears it.

She looks at the clock on the wall to check that it is actually half seven in the morning and she's not imagining it, when she hears it again.

There's definitely someone knocking at their door. Loud enough to hear, but quiet enough that it wouldn't wake them up if they were still sleeping.

Brittany puts the TV on mute for a second because she's still not entirely sure if she's hearing things or not, but the knocking persists and she has no choice but to get up and answer it.

She takes the latch off the door and opens it slowly.

As soon as she sees the state of Santana on the other side her heart sinks. Neither of them say anything. Santana just stands there looking between Brittany and the floor, her face slightly puffy from crying, her eyes red. Brittany can tell that Santana's trying her very hardest not to cry again.

"Santana?" Brittany says, softly. "What are you doing here? What happened?"

Santana swallows and shakes her head, as if trying to get rid of the memories.

"I- I told her."

Brittany's heart feels like it stops and goes double speed all at the same time.

"You told who what?" She knows exactly what Santana means, and who she's talking about, but she needs to be absolutely sure. She needs to hear it out of Santana's mouth.

"Alex. I… told her about you. I told her everything. About our kiss… about…about how I still love you…"

Brittany is speechless. Her mouth opens a few times and she tries to force words to come out, but they're stuck somewhere in the back of her throat.

"She broke up with me… and kicked me out," Santana says with a shrug, as if it's the least she expected. "The apartment is in her name, so I couldn't even argue," she continues, sounding more and more defeated with every word. "I just – I didn't know where else to go."

"Oh my _god_, Santana," Brittany says, stepping forward to pull her into a tight hug. As soon as Brittany's arms are around her Santana breaks. "Shh," Brittany whispers, rubbing her hand up and down Santana's back to soothe her. "It's gonna be okay. I promise you it's gonna be okay."

* * *

**P.S. If you have tumblr and want to follow me and shout at me to update more often, you can - my url is itainthardtryin :) I post some ficlets there from time to time too that I don't upload here.**


	9. Chapter 9

"It's going to be okay," Brittany keeps repeating, as she just holds onto Santana tighter. Santana grips back just as hard.

"I'm sorry," Santana chokes out, so quietly that Brittany doesn't know if she heard it or not. "I'm so sorry."

Brittany pulls back, keeping her hands on Santana's shoulders, rubbing up and down the tops of her arms reassuringly. "Hey," she says, softly. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

Santana's face screws up in confusion like she doesn't know how Brittany can't see how much she's messed everything up, like she doesn't understand how Brittany can still be this soft and gentle with her. "All of this," Santana says. "All of it. It's my fault. Showing up here at stupid hours of the morning and expecting you to be there for me after everything…"

"But I _am_ here for you," Brittany interrupts.

"But why? I've done nothing but hurt you, Britt. If I'd just been brave enough to say yes to you back when you came to Philadelphia…"

"…nothing would have been any better. Neither of us had anything sorted out back then, it would have been a mess."

"And now?"

"And now… I think we're getting there. But we can't have this conversation right now. I have to be in work in half an hour."

Santana's head drops in embarrassment, knowing that she's ruined Brittany's day already, that she'll probably be sitting at her desk in work thinking over everything they need to say.

"I'm sorry," Santana says.

Brittany just laughs and reaches out to grab Santana's hand. "You need to stop apologising for things you don't need to be sorry for."

"Sorry," Santana says, and Brittany just laughs again when they realise what she just said. "I promise you I didn't do that on purpose, it's just reflex," Santana says, smiling a little.

"I believe you," Brittany smirks. "So, are you going to come inside or stay out in the hall all day?"

* * *

Quinn walks out of her bedroom, reading over some notes and not paying attention to anything that's happening around her. She's reciting the same sentence over and over again, hoping it'll go into her head.

"Quinn," Brittany says, trying to get her attention.

"Yeah?" Quinn mumbles, still not lifting her attention from the page in front of her.

"Quinn," Brittany repeats in a firmer tone and Quinn looks up this time.

"What?" she says, annoyed.

"We have company."

Quinn looks to Brittany's left where, on the sofa in their living room, Santana is sitting, smiling up at her. Her eyes widen when she realises that they have company and they widen even further when she realises who their company is.

"Hi," Santana says, shyly.

Quinn doesn't reply. Instead she looks from Santana to Brittany and back to Santana again, her eyes begging for an explanation as to why Santana Lopez is in her apartment at half eight on a Monday morning when she's getting ready to go to class. Quinn's not really sure how she feels about this. A massive part of her wants to just take the ten steps over to where Santana's sitting and slap her like there's no tomorrow for everything that's happened between her and Brittany in the past six months. Then there's this smaller part that sees a light in Brittany's eyes that she hasn't seen in a long time, and somehow the smaller part wins and she stays rooted to the spot.

"She's going to stay with us for a few days," Brittany explains, and Santana's head snaps round because this is the first time she's heard this plan. "Just until things get sorted out," Brittany continues, looking at Santana.

"Until _what _gets sorted out?" Quinn asks impatiently.

"She just needs her friends right now, Quinn," Brittany says, instead of explaining completely. Santana's face softens and she smiles.

Quinn seems to understand that she's not going to get any more of an explanation from either of them for the meantime, so she lifts up her notes and continues reading. "Just make sure neither of you bother me while I'm studying and I'm sure we'll get along fine," she says, before making her way to the door. "Britt, you're going to be late for work if you don't leave soon. See you guys later," and she's out the door, leaving them on their own.

"Thank you," Santana says, as soon as Quinn's gone and Brittany just looks at her. "For not spilling my whole story, for saying I can stay here… for… I don't know, just, everything."

"It's okay," Brittany smiles. "But I really do have to get to work, so call me if you need anything. Otherwise you can take a shower or have a nap in my room, it's the second door on the right," she says, pointing down the hall. "Or you can just watch TV or make yourself something to eat or-"

"I'm sure I'll get by, Britt. Thanks," Santana says, trying not to laugh.

"Okay, cool." Brittany walks over to Santana and pulls her in for a tight hug before leaving. "I'll be back later, don't miss me too much," she says, grabbing her bag and coat from beside the door and making her way out of the apartment. She hears Santana shout "bye!" from inside the apartment as she closes the door. As soon as it's shut the whole way, Brittany leans up against it, closes her eyes and takes a long, deep breath. That is definitely _not_ how she imagined her week starting.

* * *

Brittany's glad she has her own office now, so she can just sit in silence for a while and organise her thoughts.

It took her about an hour after she arrived at work to actually realise what had just happened. That Santana is sitting in her apartment right now after splitting up with her girlfriend for- well, she doesn't want to say _for her_ but that's really, really what it feels like right now.

She doesn't go out for lunch. Instead she just sits in her office trying to work out what they're going to say to each other later. How are things going to work out from here? Are they just going to get back together? What if Santana doesn't even want to be a couple anymore? What if they move too fast and ruin things? Or move too slowly and lose each other again? There are so many questions and Brittany feels like her head is going to explode with the need for answers.

She wants to go home right now and talk this out. The thought of going _home_ to Santana makes her heart skip a beat.

_Hey, hope you haven't burnt the place down ;)_

She sends the message to fill the need to be with Santana right now. She can't call her because she knows they'll just end up having this conversation over the phone, and it's really something they need to do in person.

_Not yet, but there's still time haha ;) _

Brittany laughs out loud at the reply because things haven't felt this right in such a long time.

* * *

When Brittany gets home, Santana's lying on the couch asleep. Quinn's nowhere to be seen, which doesn't surprise her because Quinn's been putting in crazy amounts of hours at the library recently.

Brittany takes her shoes and coat off quietly and sets her bag down, before walking over to sit on the arm of the couch, trying her hardest not to make any noise to wake Santana. She hasn't seen her like this in years. She never thought she'd get to see her like this again – peaceful, natural, beautiful. There's a piece of hair covering Santana's face, and it takes every inch of willpower in Brittany's body to keep her from reaching out to move it away. She's startled out of the moment by Santana moving and her eyes fluttering open just the slightest bit.

"Hey," Brittany whispers, still trying to be as quiet as possible. "Sleep well?"

Santana's brow furrows for a second while she tries to remember where she is, and then her whole face softens as she recognises the voice and remembers who she's with. "Mmmm… the best," she says, still half asleep.

"You hungry?"

Santana shakes her head. "No, I made food earlier."

Brittany just smiles down at her because she's really never going to get used to this. To coming home to Santana again. It's everything she's always wanted. "Okay, well… do you wanna talk?"

Santana's eyes close again and she flinches.

"We're… we're going to have to talk eventually. We need to know where we both stand."

Santana sits up and looks at Brittany, studying her face. It makes Brittany's heart feel like it's going double speed, the way Santana's looking at her like she can't really believe they're here in this situation. They both know how unbelievable it feels.

"You're right. Yeah, let's talk."

"Okay, I'm just gonna get changed out of these work clothes and I'll be back in a sec, yeah?"

* * *

Brittany makes her way back into the room a few minutes later in sweats and a vest top, and finds Santana sitting up on the couch on her phone. It looks like she's checking Facebook or Twitter but Brittany can't really tell. She walks over and sits down beside her, keeping her distance, but still wanting to be close.

"So… where do we start?" Santana asks, putting her phone away as Brittany sits down.

"Um, I guess you should probably tell me what happened with Alex…" Brittany replies hesitantly. It's obviously a touchy subject for both of them. Santana takes a deep breath in and Brittany can tell she's trying to organise her thoughts, deciding where to start. She doesn't look at Brittany, instead she just keeps her gaze towards the floor.

"I guess things haven't been great between us for a while. I mean, since you called that day back in May things have just been… different," Santana starts and Brittany looks at her sympathetically. "I didn't tell her about you before, but I think she knew something happened between us because I kind of got really defensive every time she asked me about you. She probably never would have guessed that we have so much history though."

Brittany smiles because history doesn't even start to describe what they have. History is a word for people who dated for a few months, maybe a year. Not for two people who've loved each other since they were old enough to know what love was. A lifetime together would probably be more accurate.

"When you came to Philly for those few days I didn't tell her we were meeting up," Santana continues, and shakes her head. "I know it was stupid of me and I should have told her because we weren't doing anything wrong, but I just couldn't. I couldn't tell her because I was scared that I'd mess things up with you and with her and I'd have nothing. And the stupid thing was that I didn't even care about messing things up with her… as long as I had a chance with you. That's why I kissed you. To see if you still felt the same. When you didn't just run away… when you actually kissed me back… God, Britt, you've no idea how good that made me feel."

"I think I do," Brittany says, reaching out to hold Santana's hand because she doesn't really know what else to do. "It made me feel like that too." Santana lifts her head and looks at Brittany then, smiling. Santana laughs a little because they've missed this so much.

"Then, I got home and Alex was just there and she was telling me she loved me, and she looked so happy to see me when I came home… and I just couldn't do that to her. I couldn't just walk out on her like that. So that's when I told you I couldn't break up with her."

Brittany swallows and just grips Santana's hand tighter.

"And after that I expected you to just give up on me. I know I would have if I was you. But you didn't. You just kept loving me… and I knew I needed to work things out. It wasn't fair to keep both of you holding on like that. Things with Alex just went downhill then because I knew my heart wasn't in it anymore… my heart was somewhere else. But my head… my head kept telling me I needed to do the right thing."

"I know how that feels," Brittany says, with a sympathetic smile.

"Yeah. So I couldn't just walk away. I thought maybe she'd break up with me. She'd realise something wasn't right, and she'd break up with me… but she didn't. Then, last night, we were sitting on the couch watching a movie and she started talking about the future and us and… and I just couldn't lie to her anymore. So I told her," Santana says, her voice starting to shake as her emotion finally starts to break through. "I didn't want to hurt anyone, but I had to…"

"What did you say to her?" Brittany asks, genuinely curious.

"She asked me if I ever thought about marriage or kids, and I just replied saying that I kissed you. It just came out. I could see how much it hurt her… but I couldn't sit there and listen to her dream all these things that I'd never be able to give her, y'know?"

Brittany nods her head. "What did she say?"

"At first she was really upset, and then she got angry. I don't know if it was because I kissed you or because I didn't tell her… maybe both. Then she just asked me outright if I love you, and I said yes. That's when she snapped and I knew that was it. Before I even had time to process what was happening, she was in the bedroom putting my clothes into a bag and telling me to leave," Santana says, shrugging her shoulders and looking down to where Brittany's holding her hand. "I didn't really expect anything else to be honest."

"And that's it?"

"She told me she never wants to see me again, and I just kept apologising. I don't love her like I love you," Santana says, smiling even though her tears are about to fall. "But I still care about her. So I left, and I didn't know where to go… so I drove here."

"You can always come to me if you need me," Brittany says, reassuringly. "You never don't have a place to go, okay?"

Santana turns her whole body round so she's got her legs crossed on the couch and is facing Brittany. She's playing with Brittany's hand in her lap, drawing patterns over her knuckles softly.

"I love you," she says. Suddenly, Brittany feels more grounded that she ever has in her entire life. She didn't realise how much of a gap there was in her life without hearing Santana say those words when they're like this. When there's no-one between them stopping them from telling the truth.

"I love you, too," Brittany replies, and they both smile at each other for a few moments, just embracing the feeling. "So, what are you going to do now… I mean, with your job and the rest of your stuff?"

"I going to have to go back to pick up the rest of my things, but I think I'm going to quit my job. It's… it's too close to her. I don't really want to be there," Santana says. "I have enough money to last me a month or two, so I think I'm just going to go back to Lima and stay with my parents for a while until I get a job… then I'll probably get an apartment there or something…"

Brittany suddenly turns shy and opens her mouth to speak, but instead she just breathes out. She tries again a few seconds later. "Or you could stay here."

Santana looks at her blankly and for a second Brittany thinks she's said the wrong thing. Then Santana's face softens. "I can't… not right now. I need to get everything sorted out on my own… I can't depend on you for that. You're doing enough for me already by letting me stay here for a few days."

"Oh, okay," Brittany says sadly.

"I want to," Santana says quickly, trying to keep any sadness off Brittany's face. "But I really need to get all this out of the way first before…" She trails off because she doesn't know what the end of that sentence is.

"Before we can start again," Brittany finishes for her, and Santana's eyes widen. There are so many meanings to Brittany's words. Start again as friends? As two people who date? As girlfriends? Start again as what? She doesn't ask though. A new start with Brittany is more than she ever hoped to ask for.

"Before we start again," Santana repeats.

* * *

Quinn gets home late, and she's in an awful mood. She's not swearing like she was when Brittany got back from Philadelphia, but Brittany picks up on her mood immediately.

"You okay?" Brittany says, as soon as Quinn comes into the living room.

"Stressed," Quinn mumbles, before kicking off her shoes and throwing herself down on the chair. "You guys have a good day?" she asks, and Brittany's thankful that she included Santana in the conversation.

"We worked a lot of stuff out," Santana says before Brittany has a chance and Brittany just looks at her, nodding in agreement. Quinn looks between them but doesn't bother asking.

"Good. I need to come home to chill out, not to more drama," Quinn says, smiling slightly at the sight of how happy Brittany seems, and maybe even smiling a little because Santana seems happy too.

"You want me to make you something to eat? Or some cocoa or something?" Santana asks Quinn. "I mean, you've had a hard day, and I want to do something to thank you for letting me stay here for a while…"

Quinn softens slightly, and nods. "Cocoa would be nice. Do you know where everything is?"

"I'm sure I'll find it," Santana says, getting up and making her way to the kitchen.

Brittany just looks at Quinn waiting for her to say something. When Santana's out of earshot, Quinn speaks. "I guess it's maybe not so bad having her here, after all."

* * *

Santana leaves two days later on a flight from New Haven to Columbus, where her parents are picking her up. Brittany drives her to the airport, and hugs her before she makes her way into departures, while Quinn sits in the passenger seat impatiently.

On the way home, it's Quinn that speaks first.

"You really love her, don't you?" she says, staring out the window watching the buildings pass by.

"Yeah, I do," Brittany replies, without hesitation, glancing from the road to Quinn and back to the road again, not questioning why she's asking this now when it's been painfully obvious for years.

"And you trust her?"

"With my life."

There's a silence in the car for a few minutes before Quinn speaks again.

"Then I guess it wouldn't be the worst thing if you guys maybe started dating again sometime."

Brittany glances over at Quinn again for just a second, and she can see the smile in Quinn's reflection in the window. Brittany doesn't reply. She just smiles too and keeps her eyes on the road, thankful for her best friend's support.

* * *

She calls Santana on Saturday to see how she's doing back home. Santana hasn't been back in Lima since… well, for a long time, so it must be difficult for her.

"It's not so bad," Santana says. "Sugar's here. I saw her the other day in town. Apparently she has her own restaurant now or something – The Sugar Shack? I'm happy for her and everything, but it's no Breadstix," she says, laughing.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Brittany replies.

"Nothing will _ever_ live up to Breadstix."

"Have you been since you got back?"

Santana takes a second too long to reply and Brittany notices the hesitation. "No… I… It doesn't feel right without you."

Brittany doesn't really know what to say to that, so she doesn't reply.

"Nothing feels right without you," Santana continues. "I wish you were here. None of it feels right without you," she finishes, frustrated.

"I wish I could be there with you too, but I have work. Otherwise I'd be there in a heartbeat."

"I'm not asking you- that's not what I meant. I just miss you."

"I miss you too, but Thanksgiving's coming up and then the Christmas holidays so… I'm sure we'll see each other then. I get time off for the holidays; you could come stay here for a few days again at Christmas or something?" It's a question and an invitation.

"Are you sure Quinn won't mind? She didn't seem too happy for me to be there last time…"

"She'll be fine. I think you won her over," Brittany says, and Santana can hear the smile in her voice.

"Oh, okay. Good. 'Cause I don't think I could deal with your best friend hating me."

"She's your friend too, S," Brittany reminds her. "She's not just some stranger. She's Quinn. She still loves you."

"You can't break up the Unholy Trinity," Santana laughs.

"Nope, never," Brittany agrees.

* * *

It's the Monday before Thanksgiving and she's sitting in her office reading an e-mail when it hits her. The realisation almost knocks her off her chair, and she actually stands up and starts pacing because she can't really contain everything she's feeling right now.

Her parents bought her open ended flights to come back home for her birthday.

She hasn't used them yet.

She's off work from Wednesday until next Monday.

Without hesitating for a second she knows where she's going. She's going to Lima for the holidays.

* * *

She lands in Dayton International at two o'clock on Wednesday afternoon. No-one's there to pick her up because only Quinn knows she's there. She felt bad for leaving Quinn alone over the holidays, but Quinn insisted that she'd head over to her classmates apartment and stay with them for a few days so she wouldn't be alone.

The excitement bubbles in the pit of her stomach as she makes her way out of the terminal and finds a bus to take her to Lima. The journey there is going to take about an hour and a half and Brittany really doesn't know if she can wait that long.

The whole journey there she just thinks about how this is almost too good to be true. How she's going to get to spend the holidays with Santana again, how they're still in love, just all of it. She can't really comprehend it, and she's not sure she wants to when it makes her feel this overwhelmingly good.

* * *

Brittany arrives in Lima at half four and starts walking towards Santana's house. It's only a ten minute walk from the station – five minutes if she runs, but she can't do that right now with a suitcase so she has to be patient and go at the only speed she can. A part of her thinks she should go see her parents first, saying they were the ones who paid for her to be able to get here, but the thought of Santana being five minutes away and _not_ going to see her first wins.

It's strange being back in Lima, and Brittany instantly understands what Santana meant about it not feeling right without her. It's like every single street reminds her of Santana. Where they played when they were kids, where they drove every day when they passed their driver's test, where they cried and laughed and just… were.

It's kind of beautiful when she thinks about it.

It's beautiful that one person can make a place seem like more than bricks and mortar. That one person can bring so much life to somewhere that otherwise would mean nothing. It's beautiful that the only person who can do that for Brittany is Santana.

She rounds the corner onto Santana's street and it takes her breath away slightly. It reminds her of simpler times when it was just them, before everything changed.

She walks towards Santana's house, and makes her way up the driveway, leaving her suitcase there before walking up the small path to Santana's door. It takes her a moment to actually pluck up the courage to knock. Even though for the past two days all she's done is think about seeing Santana again, now that there's just a door between them she's hesitating and doesn't know why.

Eventually she knocks and takes a small step back to wait.

It seems like forever, but then the door opens and then Santana's right there.

"Hey," Brittany says, unable to control how happy she sounds to see Santana again.

Santana's whole face lights up and Brittany can see the start of happy tears emerging in the corners of her eyes. "Oh my God, Britt…" she says, before taking two quick steps forward to wrap her arms around her. "Oh my God," Santana mumbles into her shoulder, laughing slightly in disbelief. "I can't believe you're here!"

Brittany hugs her back just as hard. "You said it didn't feel right without me… well, I didn't feel right without you, either," and Brittany feels Santana's body melt into her at the words. They both just stand on Santana's front porch like that for a minute, the need to be close to each other outweighing everything else.

Eventually Santana pulls back and looks Brittany deep in the eyes. She hesitates slightly before speaking. "Can I… Can I kiss you?" Neither of them really knows what's acceptable and what's not between them right now.

Brittany just starts nodding and barely manages to breathe out a "yeah" before her eyes are darting from Santana's eyes to her lips.

Santana leans in painfully slowly, savouring every moment before their lips touch. Brittany can feel Santana's breath on her lips before she turns her head to the side slightly and closes her eyes, waiting for that moment when she can feel Santana's lips on hers.

When she does, her whole body relaxes and she lets every last ounce of stress and worry leave her, and everything just fills up with Santana and how amazing she makes her feel.

It's crazy how much this makes her feel at home, more than actually being in Lima does. But then again, she knows deep down in her heart that Santana's always been her home.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N - First off, I'm really sorry I took so long to update but real life has been crazy recently! Good news is that I'm now officially on summer break from uni, so updates should be regular again, about once a week. I have to thank everyone who either PM'd me, left a review or messaged me on tumblr (itainthardtryin) to ask when I'd be updating - it works as great motivation to get back to writing again, even after I felt creatively drained after completing my final assignment! Anyway, this chapter is a bit on the long side, but I really just couldn't stop writing. :) **

* * *

It's Santana that breaks away first, leaning her forehead against Brittany's and keeping her eyes closed. She just breathes in and out, taking in everything remotely Brittany.

"You're here," she whispers.

Brittany giggles, and it's then that Santana opens her eyes to meet the blue ones looking back at her. She swallows to stop herself from crying.

"I'm here," Brittany breathes out, like it's the simplest thing in the universe. She guesses right now it probably is.

"I don't know why or how but-"

"You don't know why?" Brittany pouts, and screws her face up in confusion. Santana stares back.

"No... Should I?"

Brittany just shakes her head and leans in to peck Santana's lips softly before she speaks. "Because _you're_ here. I'm here because _you're_ here."

"You're here because I'm here," Santana repeats, as if she can't believe the words. Brittany nods against her and squeezes Santana's hips reassuringly where her hands are resting before smirking and walking down the path to get her bag. She pretends to struggle for a moment, briefly looking back to the porch where she knows Santana will be standing watching her.

She is.

"You're just going to stand there and let me struggle when I just flew halfway across the country for you?" Brittany jokes, and Santana's body seems to move before she has time to think and she's making her way over to Brittany. Santana brushes past her and leans down to grab the handle before stopping.

"Britt, it has wheels," she says, laughing slightly when she realises.

"Yes, but I'm your guest and I've had a long trip. So..."

Santana laughs out loud at that before wrapping one arm around Brittany's waist and pulling her in to kiss her on the cheek. "You're lucky I love you," she says, as she grabs the suitcase and drags it to her front door.

Brittany skips behind her - actually skips - happiness evident in her voice when she just shakes her head and says "Lucky doesn't really describe what I am."

Santana gives her a look of disbelief, words completely failing her.

* * *

Brittany at their door was the last thing her parents expected the day before Thanksgiving, but she was there and her mom cried and maybe her dad cried a little too.

By the time she'd got through the door and taken her shoes off, her mom had already asked her twenty questions about her flight, the bus trip, about Quinn, about work, about any special reports she's doing. Everything but Santana.

The thing is, Brittany hasn't told her parents about Santana yet. As far as they know, Santana's still in a happy, committed relationship and she's still Brittany's ex-girlfriend-turned-best-friend. She doesn't quite know how to bring everything up and explain how they've become something... something - she doesn't really know what to call it yet, and maybe that's part of the problem.

* * *

Brittany smiles as she looks at the name on her cell phone screen. She presses 'answer' right away.

"Hey, you."

"Hey yourself," Santana replies. "How was Thanksgiving?"

"Y'know, the usual. Pretty sure I couldn't eat any more if I tried," she says, laughing. "You?"

"Yeah, pretty much the same. I'm lying here on my bed and I don't think I can move!"

"We're definitely made for each other," Brittany jokes.

"Yeah..." Santana replies, hesitant.

"I didn't- that's not - I'm an idiot," Brittany stutters, worried she's said something wrong.

"No, you're not. I was just..." Santana trails off.

"Just what?"

"I wanted to ask you something."

"Okay?"

"Are you busy tomorrow night? I mean, if you are it's okay we can just do something some other time or we can just Skype or we can-"

"I'm free, Santana," Brittany says, and Santana can hear the smile in her voice.

"Oh, cool, great." She pauses for a moment. "Well... Do you want to go to Breadstix?"

"How can you possibly think about food right now? I feel like I'm never going to be able to eat anything ever again!"

"Britt... please don't leave me hanging."

"Well, would we be going to Breadstix as friends or on a date?"

"I'll let you decide that one."

Brittany stalls for a few seconds before answering, audibly trying to decide. "Hmmmm. That's a big decision, Santana. I don't know... there's a lot of things to consider," she jokes. There's silence on the other end of the phone, so much so that Brittany can't even hear Santana breathing. "Are you still there?"

She hears Santana exhale and let out a shaky "yeah."

"Good, because yes, I would absolutely, definitely love to go to Breadstix with you..."

"As...?"

"As your date."

"Really?"

"Really, really."

Santana lets out a little laugh of disbelief before replying. "How old are you going to be before you stop quoting Shrek?"

"How old are _you_ going to be before you admit that you love it?"

"What - the movie or your impressions?"

"Both."

"I... I think we have a little while to go yet," Santana says, flirtatiously.

"Oh really? Well then I'm just going to have to stick around and watch as it happens then."

"You might be waiting for a long time, y'know."

"Oh, that's okay, the longer the better," Brittany says, and Santana laughs.

"Okay, fair enough! So... I'll pick you up tomorrow night then?"

"So you're going to be the gentleman on this date?"

"Isn't that what you're meant to do when you ask a lady out for dinner?"

"So you're paying too?" Brittany asks, feeling confident.

"We'll see. Don't push your luck."

"In that case I might even order shrimp."

"You can order whatever you like, Britt."

"Be careful. Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I never make promises I can't keep, you know that."

"So... whatever I like?"

"Whatever you like. I'll pick you up at seven, is that okay?"

"You don't have a car," Brittany says, when she realises Santana's car is still in New Haven, parked outside her apartment.

"I'm sure if I ask mom nicely, she'll let me use hers for the night."

"Okay, seven it is."

"Great, I'll see you tomorrow then, Britt."

"See you tomorrow."

"Oh, and Britt?" Santana says, just as they're about to hang up.

"Yeah?"

"Happy Thanksgiving. I'm really thankful for a lot of things this year. Mostly for you."

" Yeah, me too," Brittany replies, softly. "Happy Thanksgiving, Santana."

* * *

Brittany's been getting ready since five. She changed her outfit four times already, unsure of what to wear on their date. The first outfit was a dress that left abosolutely nothing to the imagination, but then she figured that wearing so little clothing in November wasn't going to work in her favour. The second was a blouse, skinny jeans and boots, but she decided against it because it didn't show _enough_ off. The third was an actual outfit she'd worn four years before at the Valentines dance in the Sugar Shack that she found in her closet in her old bedroom, but figured that it was slightly immature now that she was twenty-one, and Santana would probably laugh at her for wearing the same outfit again, even if Brittany thought it would be romantic.

So here she is, in outfit number four, at six fourty-five putting the last few clips in her hair. She decided to keep the same hairstyle as she had for the Valentine's dance - up, with a scarf wrapped around it - so she's fixing the last few strands into place so it's sitting perfectly.

After putting the last clip in place, and turning her head from side to side to check that she hasn't missed any parts, she stands up and walks over to her full length mirror to check that she looks okay. She wants to look amazing for Santana because she doesn't know what's going to happen on this date - how fast or slow things are going to happen from here on in - but she wants to look perfect no matter what happens.

She trails her eyes down her body, looking at her hair and make-up first. She's almost completely natural, apart from some eyeliner and blue eyeshadow that highlights her eyes. She moves down, over the vest top with low neckline and the scarf she's wearing to make it look a little more respectable, and finally down to the dark jeans and boots she's wearing on her bottom half. It ticks all the boxes - weather appropriate, shows off her curves but not too much, and is appropriately dressed up for the occasion.

After a last minute spray of perfume, Brittany heads downstairs to wait with five minutes to spare. As soon as she gets to the last step though, the doorbell rings and nerves and excitment automatically start to build deep in Brittany's stomach.

"I'll get it!" she shouts into the living room where her mom is about to get up. She reaches up to fix her scarf and to feel that her hair is still sitting okay, before answering the door.

She opens it slowly, revealing Santana piece by piece before the door is open the whole way and she's right there in front of her, looking breathtakingly beautiful. Santana's wearing one of her signature tight dresses - a red one, Brittany's favorite color on Santana - with a black jacket over the top, and knee high boots.

"Hi," Santana says quietly. "You... you look amazing, Britt," she continues, her eyes roaming Brittany's body from head to toe.

"You too," Brittany replies, shyly, doing the same to Santana.

"This is for you," Santana says, bringing her hands out from behind her back and reaching out a single pink rose. Brittany takes it from her, holding it delicately, like it might break if she handles it too roughly.

"Thank you," Brittany whispers. "You shouldn't have."

"Did you not ask if I was going to be the gentleman on this date?" Santana says playfully and Brittany nods at her, smiling. "Well then, I gotta make a good first impression."

"Santana, this is like your ten thousandth impression or something, not your first."

Santana shakes her head. "Nope. This is it. New start, remember?" Brittany stiffens slightly and Santana notices. "We're taking things slow. This is just two people who really like each other-"

"Love," Brittany interrupts.

"Okay - who really _love _each other, going out for dinner on a date. It doesn't have to be anything more than that for the time being. I just really want to make you feel special tonight."

Brittany looks at the rose again, and back to Santana. "You're already making me feel special," she says.

"Well then, mission accomplished so far," Santana says, smiling back at Brittany. "Now, m'lady, your carriage awaits..." she says, pointing to her mom's pick-up parked at the side of the road in front of Brittany's house.

"It's a very impressive carriage," Brittany says sarcastically.

"It was either that or walk to Breadstix, and I don't think that's very gentlemanly... to make you walk on a first date."

"When you put it like that, it _is_ actually very impressive carriage."

"Nothing but the best for you," Santana says. "Now come on, or else we're going to miss our reservation."

"Okay, I just need to grab my coat first," Brittany says, as she turns and walks down the hall to grab a knee-length fitted purple jacket off the hook, before making her way back to the door.

"Can I walk you?" Santana says, holding out her hand for Brittany to take.

"Of course," Brittany replies, reaching out to take Santana's hand in her own. Brittany closes the door behind her, as they start to make thier way to the car.

"Thank you," Santana says, suddenly.

"I haven't done anything," Brittany replies, confused.

"For coming here for the holidays, and for saying yes to tonight," Santana says.

"I told you. Where else would I be? You're here, so I'm here. That's the only way things make sense to me."

"_You're_ the only thing that makes sense to me."

"You're definitely succeeding in this making me feel special thing," Brittany says, blushing.

"Good," Santana replies, taking a few steps ahread of Brittany to open the door to the pick-up. "Then I think you'll like the rest of the evening," she says with a smirk, letting Brittany get into the passenger seat.

"What have you got planned?"

"Oh, you'll see," Santana says, closing the door.

* * *

They arrive at Breadstix ten minutes later, and Santana shouts at Brittany as she goes to open the door to get out. "I'll do that, if you don't mind," Santana says, taking the keys out of the ignition and walking around to the passenger side to open the door.

"You can tone down the chivalry, Santana," Brittany says jokingly, getting out of the car.

"And where would the fun be in that?"

"You're far too much," Brittany laughs.

"For you, it's never enough," Santana replies immediately.

"You're ridiculous, you know that, right?"

"I know, I know. But right now the only ridiculous thing I'm worried about is the ridiculous amount of shrimp you're going to order because you know I'm paying..."

"Oh, you have _no _idea!"

* * *

Brittany _does order shrimp. The waitress brings it to their table and Santana reaches out to hold her hand._

"No napkin," Brittany says, tightening her grip on Santana's hand.

"I can't believe I ever even suggested the napkin."

"It was cute."

"I was scared."

"But you aren't now."

"You think so?"

"What?" Brittany says in confusion. "You're still scared?"

"Not of the same things, but yeah."

"What do you have to be scared of?" Brittany asks, genuinely curious.

"Of this," Santana says, pointing between both of them with her free hand. "Of losing this again," she says, quieter.

"You don't need to worry about that," Brittany says comfortingly. "You don't need to worry about that at all."

"I do, though. I can't help it."

"Well... what do I need to do to make you see that you aren't going to lose us again?"

"Just... keep being there, I guess," Santana says, unsure. Brittany brings her other hand up and places over thier linked hands on the table.

"I'll always be here. I told you that," she says, softly.

"What if I mess this up again?"

"Don't think like that," Brittany says. "You're not going to mess up again."

"But what if I do?"

"Santana, I love you." Santana's eyes soften at the words. "I love you and you love me and yeah, I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but I know that my future has you in it, okay? So stop worrying. And anyway, I thought you were meant to be the gentleman on this date... I'm pretty sure a gentleman wouldn't be so silly," Brittany jokes.

"I'm pretty sure any guy would be worried about losing you if he had you," Santana flirts back.

"But _you_ have me. So _you_ don't need to worry."

Santana considers this for a moment and lets it sink in. They haven't put a label on what they're doing, and they're nowhere near being a full blown couple yet, but Santana knows that deep down her heart belongs to Brittany and Brittany's to her. They've always belonged to each other.

"You're right. I'm just being silly," Santana says, shaking it off. "Shrimp good?"

"Always the best."

"That's because food always tastes better when other people are paying."

"Or maybe it's just really, really good shrimp. Because this is really, really good shrimp," Brittany says playfully.

"Are you getting dessert?"

"Of course! We could share if you like?"

"We should get two different desserts and then split them, that way we get double."

Brittany smiles. "I knew I loved you for a reason."

"I'll never get tired of hearing you say that, y'know," Santana says.

"What? That I love you? 'Cause I do."

"I know, but that doesn't make it any less special to hear it out loud."

"I love you."

The words hang in the air and Brittany just watches Santana take them in. She hopes that they're enough - that those words and the fact that she came to Lima for the holidays, is enough to show Santana that she's serious about this; about them. She knows actions speak louder than words. They've always spoken louder than words for them.

Brittany knows that words can be hollow, like in high school when Santana was promising her the world behind doors but acted like they were just friends with benefits in public. She knows that the first time Santana held her hand in public - in the bathroom, senior year, in front of Mercedes and Quinn - that it felt louder and stronger than all the words Santana had said put together. The first time she kissed her in public - a quick peck on the lips in front of their lockers - it felt like Santana had never even spoken to her at all and that was the only thing she'd ever done, because nothing else mattered anymore.

Brittany knows actions speak louder than words, so she makes a decision.

"How about we skip dessert?"

"But you just said-"

"We can get it somewhere else. I just want to be alone with you, is that okay?"

"Well... actually, I had something planned for after dinner, so we can just do that?"

"For just the two of us?"

"Yeah, just us."

"Sounds perfect," Brittany says, smiling. "Just gonna finish my shrimp first though. Would be a shame to put it to waste..."

"Take your time, I've got all night..." Santana replies, watching Brittany.

* * *

Santana pays the bill and leads them out of Breadstix. "Where are we going?" Brittany asks.

"You'll see."

"Are we getting dessert?"

"Always thinking with your stomach! Again... you'll see."

"I don't like it when you don't tell me things."

"What's the point in surprising you but telling you the surprise? Just trust me."

Brittany looks at Santana - really looks at her - and sees nothing but love and adoration on her face, and she knows that she'd literally trust Santana with anything. Anything at all.

"Okay, but this better be good."

Santana backs the car out the parking space and out of the parking lot and starts driving out of town.

* * *

"Seriously, where are you taking me?" Brittany asks, after fifteen minutes of driving.

"We're pretty much here now, it's just down this street."

"I've never been here before," Brittany says in wonder.

"I didn't think so."

Brittany looks around at her surroundings, at the roads surrounded by fields, until Santana indicates and turns left onto another road that she's never been on. Santana pulls in on a gravelly area at the side of the road and turns the car off. "Okay, we're here."

Brittany looks around again and she can see nothing. There's a few small houses in the distance, and a few streetlamps lighting up the small parking lot they've stopped in, but apart from that everything's just fields. There's an area in front of her that she can't see, but there's a small flight of steps leading up a little grassy hill.

"That's where we're going," Santana says, noticing Brittany looking in front of the truck.

"Up there?"

"Yep," Santana says, proudly.

"But it's cold. You'll be freezing."

"But you've got a coat, and I've got you, and- well, we'll be okay."

I'm just going to give you the benefit of the doubt on this one," Brittany says.

"Good. Just let me get something out of the back and we'll go," Santana replies, before leaning over to the back seat and getting out of the car. Brittany gets out and joins her, still looking around, trying to work out where they are.

"No-one's going to kill you or whatever, it's fine," Santana says, holding her hand out for Brittany to take. "You're safe with me." Brittany grabs her hand tightly and Santana leads them up the steps. As soon as she sees it, she freezes.

"This has been here the whole time and we've never came here?" Brittany says in awe.

"I've been here... I've just never brought you."

"Why?"

"I didn't discover it until after we... broke up. I was just driving about to clear my head and I came across it..."

"It's beautiful," Brittany says, staring across the reservoir. The water is almost entriely still and the only sounds are from the gentle lap of small waves against the shore. The light from the parking lot is almost completely gone, so she can't see very far, but the water looks like it goes on for ages.

"We won't go too far," Santana says. "We need to stay by the light, and on the path. You don't want to fall in... especially not at night, and definitely not in November."

"I'm safe with you though, so it's okay, right?"

"Yep," Santana says. "You got that right. Come on, I've something to show you over here." Santana leads them along the small trampled path of grass to a spot at the edge of the water - not too close - that's big enough for both of them to sit down. She drops the bag she's been carrying off her shoulder and opens it.

"Here, spread that out," she says, handing Brittany a blanket. Brittany takes it off her without agrument and places it on the ground beside them. "And take this," Santana says, holding out a box for Brittany to hold. "Okay, we're sorted." Santana sits down on the grass and lies back on the blanket. "Aren't you going to join me? You'll get cold up there."

"Um... yeah," Brittany says, setting the box on the ground and lying down beside Santana. Their bodies aren't touching and Brittany can feel Santana's uneasiness. Santana moves a little closer, but not the whole way.

"Is it okay if I... I don't know how to say this without being totally lame," Santana laughs. "Can we cuddle?"

"We need to do something to keep warm," Brittany flirts back.

Santana sits up and reaches into the bag again, pulling out another blanket, draping it over them before lying down beside Brittany and pulling her close. Her arm is draped over Brittany's stomach, where Brittany's fingers are linked in Santana's own, gently drawing patterns on her skin.

"I like this," Brittany whispers.

"I've missed this," Santana replies.

"The stars are beautiful," Brittany says, staring at the sky. Santana looks at Brittany - at her the peacefulness on her face, at the rise and fall of her chest as she breathes. "Yeah... beautiful."

"I've never been able to make out those constellations everyone goes on about," Brittany says, sounding sad.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I try... I just can't make them out."

"Well, you can't see them all at this time of year, just some of them," Santana says. "Here, let's try one," she continues, holding Brittany's hand up and using her finger to point. She moves closer again, so there is no space between them and their heads are touching. "Okay, this one's called Cassiopeia. It's five stars and they're kind of a zig-zag shape."

"I don't see it," Brittany says.

"You will. Just look where I'm pointing with your finger, right there, see? That bright one?"

"The one that's a little brighter than the others?"

"Yeah, that one! Okay, that's the first one... now the second one is here," Santana says, moving their hands down slightly, still pointing at the sky. "You see that one? Just as bright at the first one."

"It's kind of not directly below it, but a little to the left?"

"See? And you said you couldn't find constellations."

"Maybe I just needed a good astronomy teacher," Brittany flirts, still looking at the stars.

"I'm a _brilliant_ teacher," Santana replies. "Let's keep going, you've got the first two. Okay, so the third one is a bit to the left again, sort of the same height as the first one," she says, moving their hands again. "Right there."

"I see it," Brittany says, excitedly. "I think I see the last two as well! Is the fourth one, like, just a little below the third?" Santana nods. "And the last one is a bit higher than all the others, over to the left, here?" Brittanys says, guiding their hands to point at the last star.

"That's it! Hey, see, I told you, you could see them!"

"So that's Cassiopeia? That's what it's called, right? Are there others?"

"Yeah, but they're harder to see at this time of year. I'll show you others in the summer. There's so many."

"I'd like that," Brittany says, bringing their hands down to her chest and holding them there. "I'd like that a lot."

"Me too," Santana replies.

They fall into comfortable silence after that, lying on the grass staring at the sky and listening to the water lap at the sides of the reservoir. Ten minutes pass before Brittany speaks.

"What's in the box?"

"Hmm? What box?"

"The one you gave me before we sat down."

"Oh that," Santana says. "Why don't you open it and see."

Brittany moves away from Santana to sit up and Santana lets out a small whimper at the loss of contact. Brittany lifts the box and opens the lid, laughing slightly. "Cake?"

"Not just any cake, that's chocolate cake from Breadstix's dessert menu," Santana boasts.

"You knew we wouldn't last until dessert, didn't you?"

"When have we ever lasted until dessert, Britt?"

"That's very, very true," Brittany agrees, laughing. "You even brought forks?" she says, lifting out two forks from the box, handing one to Santana.

"Gotta be prepared!"

Brittany takes a bite of the cake, and keeps the box out of reach of Santana when she leans up to grab it. "Ah, ah! Not so fast, me first!"

"I know you. You won't leave me any!" Santana argues. "So, share when there's still some left!"

"I thought you said you wanted to make me feel special? Well, letting me eat this cake first - which is _really _good, by the way - is making me feel pretty special," she says, taking another bite.

"Oh, you're so nearly crossing the line right now," Santana laughs.

"And what are you gonna do about it? Hmm?"

Santana moves so she's up on her knees, and she's taller than Brittany. Brittany just holds the box out of reach and Santana leans forward laughing, trying to take it from her.

Immediately they both feel the change in the air and there's a tension that wasn't there before. Santana goes silent, and looks Brittany deep in the eyes. The air is cold, and it's only now that Santana notices that she can see their breath when they breathe. Well, she can see her own, because it looks like Brittany's stopped breathing altogether.

Santana drops her gaze to Brittany's lips, and she knows that there's no other option. She leans forward and presses her lips to Brittany's, moaning slightly at how warm Brittany feels against her. She's vaguely aware of the sound of a box being dropped on the ground with a dull thud, before Brittany's hands come up to cup her cheeks.

Brittany deepens the kiss and Santana can taste the chocolate on her tongue. Santana wraps one arm around Brittany's waist and gently pushes forward, lowering Brittany so she's lying flat on the ground. Santana moves so she's straddling Brittany and leans herself down so their bodies are flush together.

"You taste like chocolate," Santana breathes out, through kisses that are turning desperate.

"You taste like Santana," Brittany counters, her breathing ragged. She brings her hands down and rubs them along the base of Santana's back, and continues down until her hands are resting on the back of Santana's thighs.

"We need to stop," Santana says, as soon as she feels the direction of Brittany's wandering hands. She pulls away slighly so she can see Brittany's face. "Hey, don't pout, I was enjoying that just as much as you," she says, leaning down to place a soft kiss on Brittany's lips, "but we can't get carried away."

"Why not? It's not like we've never slept together before, and the car is like, right there," Brittany retorts.

"We're taking things slow. And the way things were going there were definitely not slow," Santana explains, moving off Brittany to lie beside her, pulling the blanket over the top of them again. "I want to do this properly. We haven't even put a label on what we are yet, we don't know where we stand. So I don't want to rush anything that either of us might regret."

"You're right."

"So... we're still okay with the taking things slow approach to this?"

"If it means I get to cuddle with you under the stars and you buy me cake, then I am more than okay with that," Brittany says.

"But really, Britt?"

"Yeah, really. I love you. That's all that matters, right?"

"Yeah. That's all that matters."

* * *

They both leave Lima on Sunday to head back to New Haven, after Brittany managed to persuade Santana to come with her because she needs to sort out the rest of her belongings in Philadelphia. Santana argued that Alex was the last person she wanted to see when Brittany was around, but Brittany insisited she went so they could start moving forward and put that part behind them. When Brittany put it like that Santana found it hard to disagree.

They arrive back at the apartment in New Haven shortly after five, and Brittany immediately finds the couch and lies down on it.

"Feels strange to be back here," she says.

"Why?" Santana asks, making her way to the kitchen to make them both a quick snack.

"I don't know. I guess it's just a whole world away from Lima and being back there for a few days... it was just starting to feel like home again in a way."

"I know what you mean. Lima's always going to feel like that though, isn't it? I mean, so much happened there."

"There's a lot of stuff that happened there that I'd rather forget about," Brittany says, flatly.

"Oh, me too, I'd wipe half of what happened in Lima out of my memory if I could, but the other half... with you... was pretty great."

Brittany sits up on the couch and rests her head on her arms on the back of it so she can see Santana in the kitchen. "It really was, wasn't it?"

"Britt, everything with you is pretty great. Always has been, always will be."

Brittany takes Santana's words in, looks at the way Santana is pacing around her kitchen as if she lives here, making them a snack. She looks at how comfortable Santana is and lets herself feel how relaxed Santana makes her. This is either going to be a really good idea or a really stupid idea.

"We should live together," she says, nervously.

Santana freezes and puts the knife down on the counter before turning around to face Brittany. "What did you just say?"

"I said we should live together."

"How would that work? I mean you have Quinn and I don't have a job and-"

"Hey, stop for a second, okay? I don't have everything all worked out either but you're going to be bringing all your stuff back here from Philadelphia soon and you're going to need somewhere to put it all... so what better place to put it than in an apartment that's just ours?"

"What about rent and Quinn and everything else though?"

"Quinn could advertise for a roommate? I don't know, I'll have to ask her first and if she's not okay with it I won't leave her, but all I can do is ask, right? And rent - well, I have a pretty secure, well paid job at the minute so I could probably pay the first month or two until you get yourself something and get your first paycheck."

"And where would we live?"

"Obviously, here in New Haven. I can't go anywhere else because of work, but there are some really nice apartments here."

"You're really serious about this aren't you?"

"Of course I am, why wouldn't I be?" Brittany asks.

Santana just looks at her for a moment, really taking her in. "Okay," she breathes. "Okay, let's do it," she says with more confidence. "Let's move in together."

"Really?" Brittany squeaks.

"Yeah, really. I mean it's not going to happen overnight so it's probably a month or two in the future and by then... well I hope things between us have moved on a little, y'know?" Santana stutters nervously.

Brittany jumps off the sofa and runs over to the kicthen to wrap Santana in a tight hug. "Thank you! Thank you so much! I promise you this is going to be awesome!"

"Of course it's going to be awesome, I'm going to be living with you."

Brittany pulls back, suddenly insecure. "I hope it works out..."

"Of course it'll work out, Britt. You think fate wouldn't let two awesome people like us live together? No way!"

Brittany smiles. "You're right."

* * *

Santana leaves for Philadelphia early on Monday morning, promising Brittany she'll be back by the time she gets home from work. She's going straight to the apartment, getting her stuff and straight back. She's even pretty sure Alex is going to be at work, so she won't have to see her at all.

Brittany gives her a soft peck on the lips and envelopes her in a hug before watching Santana drive off.

A small part of her stomach drops in fear of what might happen now that Santana's going to see Alex again, but she tries to shake it off knowing that Santana loves her and that Santana's heart belongs to her and her alone.

The day at work drags in. All she can think about is Santana driving to Philadelphia and having to pack her entire life into one car load. The thought makes her slightly sad, that Santana can do that. That everything that means something to her can fit into her car.

Brittany leaves work at six, staying an extra hour to catch up on some of the work and e-mails that have piled into her inbox over the Thanksgiving break. She decides to stop at a cafe and get a take out portion of chocolate cake, just in case Santana's had a bad day.

When Brittany arrives back at their apartment block, Santana's car is parked out front and is full of bags and boxes. The sight makes Brittany's heart sink and soar at the same time. Santana's really all hers now. There's nothing in another city tying her to someone else. Everything there is of Santana is here.

Brittany grabs the box with the cake in it, and her bag, before getting out of the car and making her way up the stairs to her apartment. She puts the key in the door and opens it slowly, dropping her bag in the hall and taking her coat off, before closing the door behind her and making her way fully inside.

She spots Santana and Quinn sitting at the kitchen table, laughing together. It takes them a few minutes to spot her, but when they do she's greeted with a simultaneous "Hey!" from both of them.

"What are you guys up to?"

"Just filling Quinn in on Lima and how it hasn't changed," Santana says. "We were talking about that time Puck came to school in a dress at the end of senior year, remember?"

"Remember? How could anyone ever forget that! Scarred for life!"

"Hey! That's my the father of my child you're talking about!" Quinn jokes.

"I suppose you could have chosen someone worse, Q," Santana says. "Like... Finn."

"You seem to be forgetting that he _thought_ he was the father of my child even though we'd never even slept together," Quinn reminds her.

Santana and Brittany both burst into laughter and after a few moments Quinn reluctantly joins them. "God we really had some fucked up moments in high school, didn't we?" Quinn says.

"We had lots of good ones too," Brittany says. "But here, I got this for you," she says to Santana, handing her the takeout box. Santana's face lights up at the sight of it and she laughs when she sees what's inside. "Is this to replace the cake you wasted on Friday?"

"Yeah, that and I just thought you might have had a bad day so you'd want something to cheer you up and cake makes everyone happy, so..."

"Thank you," Santana says, honestly. "Is it okay if I share? I feel bad keeping this all to myself."

"You can do whatever you want," Brittany says. "How was Philadelphia?"

"She wasn't there, and she hadn't changed the locks so that was a plus," Santana says, getting up to get forks out of the drawer. "She'd even taken the liberty of putting all my stuff in boxes for me and leaving them in a nice, neat pile by the door. It was like she knew I was coming. Certainly made my job easier," Santana says, sitting back down and taking her first bite of cake. "Mmmm, this is nearly as good as Breadstix," she mumbles through a mouthful.

"I'm glad things went okay for you," Brittany says.

"Everything's going _great _for me right now," Santana replies. "The only thing missing is the icing on this cake... but maybe the cake is the icing... I don't really know how those metaphor things work. Can your cake _be _the icing on the cake?"

"Or you could just have your cake and eat it too?" Brittany suggests, smiling.

"That one definitely works for me right now! Here, try some, it's awesome," Santana says, pushing it in Brittany's direction and somewhere deep inside, Brittany starts to believe that everything's going to be okay.

* * *

They spend the rest of the week moving some of Santana's things into the apartment, so it's not all in her car. Both Brittany and Santana start looking online for an apartment they can move into and Brittany has told the classifieds team in work to let her know if anything new comes up. Brittany decided that she wouldn't bring up the prospect of her moving out to Quinn until they had a real idea of what was happening. There was no point in upsetting her over nothing and Quinn's been great with letting Santana stay with them for a while, so she really can't push her luck right now.

On Saturday night, Quinn heads out to a friend's house leaving the apartment free for both of them to have a quiet night in. Santana orders them some pizza and Brittany finds some DVDs for them to watch, before they end up cuddling on the sofa.

"I want to take you out on a date," Brittany says, softly, after a while as she's running her fingers through Santana's hair where she's lying in front of her.

"Yeah?" Santana replies. "I'd like that,"

"Just... now that we're back in New Haven and this feels like... I don't know... like the beginning of something? And the date you took me on in Lima was so special and I just want to do that for you."

Santana turns round, so she's facing Brittany and brings a hand up to stroke across her cheek. "It sounds perfect, Britt. Okay? Perfect," she says, rubbing her nose gently against Brittany's. "When do you want to go?"

"Ummmm, Wednesday? Is that okay?"

"I told you already, Britt. It's perfect."

* * *

**p.s. just as a footnote - there _will_ be a flashback to when they dated in the past, just not yet. I'm also going to start working on a (much shorter) companion piece from Santana's point of view, but I won't publish it until this fic is over - which won't be for at least another 5 chapters!**


	11. Chapter 11

_I'll pick you up at 6.30, be ready! Dress up ;) _

For the past two days, Brittany's been planning. She's been working so hard to make this perfect because this is her one moment to prove to Santana that she really, really wants this - wants _them_ - and she's going to stop at nothing to make sure Santana knows that. Brittany thinks she's done a pretty good job with this date and she's almost sick with excitement waiting to see Santana's reaction to everything she's managed to put together.

_...Do you not need to come back to the apartment to change after work?_

Of course, with Santana living in their apartment it's made it difficult for Brittany to keep things secret and to make this a proper date. She managed to pick out an outfit last night and put it in her car without Santana noticing so she can get ready at work instead. There's a staff gym on the ground floor with showers, so she can freshen up before she leaves too. She's almost one hundred percent sure that she's got every last detail covered.

_Nope ;) just be ready at 6.30_

She smiles at herself for teasing Santana like this. She knows Santana's going to be going over all the options and trying to figure out what they're going to be doing tonight. Knowing that she'll never guess correctly is what Brittany's really excited about.

_Okay, okay... 6.30 it is! :D_

* * *

Brittany makes sure she's finished work on time. As soon as the clock hits five, she's shutting her computer down and making her way to get ready. It's not glamorous, getting ready for a date in the gym at work, but it sure beats going home and getting ready beside Santana where it won't feel as special if they see each other before they're ready to go.

By six, Brittany's changed, her hair is down, dried and straightened, and her make-up is freshly done. She thinks she might be a little over the top in her tight black dress, but the tone of the night is going to be of the highest quality and that has to translate into every inch of the date, even her dress choice.

As she drives towards the apartment to pick up Santana the butterflies in her stomach seem to multiply. She doesn't think she's ever been this excited. Not even when she was going to New York to see Santana again for the first time in three years, not when Santana kissed her in Philadelphia... never. She's coming home from work, to pick up the girl she loves, to take her out on what she hopes is going to be one of the most special dates they've ever been on. Suddenly, she wishes she'd bought Santana something to give her the way Santana had bought her a rose, and she feels slightly inadequate. She shakes it off and keeps confident that the rest of the evening will compensate.

She's early, but she's sure Santana will be ready by now. She's had the whole day to get ready, so showing up ten minutes early will be okay. Brittany gets out of the car and smooths out her dress, her excitement slowly turning into nerves, and makes her way into their building, up to the apartment. She knocks three times, and takes a step back, waiting on Santana to answer.

Brittany's breath actually hitches when she sees Santana. She can't remember her ever being this beautiful. She's wearing a short sleeved white blouse, with the top three buttons open, tucked into a tight grey skirt, with black heels on her feet. She's had the same idea as Brittany to keep her hair down, but instead of straightening it, she's kept it natural and wavy - the way Brittany has always loved it.

"You're beautiful," Brittany says in lieu of a greeting, and Santana blushes. "I don't think you've ever been this beautiful," she continues, looking Santana in the eye.

"You aren't looking too bad yourself," Santana replies, still blushing.

"Are you ready to go?" Brittany asks, wanting to be alone with her more than anything.

"Just have to get by purse and we're good to go!" Santana says, taking a few steps into the apartment and lifting it off the table. "Ready," she says, stepping outside and closing the door.

Brittany takes one step forward and closes the space between them, pressing a tender kiss to Santana's lips. "I'm so excited for this," she says, as she pulls away and reaches out for Santana's hand. "So excited."

* * *

"You're just copying me, aren't you?" Santana says when they've been driving for ten minutes. "Trying to confuse me by taking me somewhere I don't know."

"Babe, it's New Haven - realistically, how many places do you actually know apart from the grocery store and Starbucks?"

"Hey! Not fair! Just because you've lived here longer!"

"But I do have something I need to do," Brittany says. "When we get there I'm kind of going to have to ask you to put a blindfold on."

"What?" Santana gasps from the passenger seat.

"Just for a few minutes. Promise," Brittany reassures her.

Santana's silent for a few moments before she speaks again. "If this was anyone else - _anyone _else - you know I'd be running in the opposite direction at the first mention of blindfold, right?" Santana says, looking over at Brittany. "But now that I've had a chance to come round to the idea..." she continues, placing her hand over Brittany's on the gear stick, "Me... and you... and a blindfold sounds like a _brilliant_ idea," she finishes, in her most seductive voice. She smirks as she notices Brittany visibly swallow and the car veers slightly to the left before she recovers.

"You really can't say things like that if we have our 'take things slow' rule in place," Brittany says, sounding frustrated.

"Well maybe... maybe we could revise that rule. Y'know, just... update it a little," Santana teases.

"Maybe this conversation is best for _after_ what I have planned, because I think if we have it now, we might just spend the night in the back seat of this car..." Brittany trails off, smiling slightly at Santana.

"Oh, you're right. This is _definitely_ a post-date activity..." Santana says in her seductive voice again, before taking her hand off Brittany's and moving back so she's looking out the window.

"You're going to be the death of me," Brittany says, trying her very hardest to concentrate on the road. "The absolute death of me."

* * *

Brittany pulls the car over at the side of the road, and leans into the back seat to get the blindfold out of her bag. "It's time for you to put this on," she says, holding it out for Santana to take.

"You should put it on for me," she replies. "That way you can make sure I don't peek."

"Okay, turn round," Brittany says, and Santana moves so her back is facing Brittany. "Sorry if I pull your hair or anything," Brittany says, reaching up to wrap the silky, black fabric around Santana's head to cover her eyes. She ties it gently in a knot, but tight enough that it won't fall off. "Is that okay?" she asks.

"Yeah, that's fine," Santana says. "Can't see anything at all," she laughs, putting her hands out in front of her, feeling her way round the car.

"I'm just going to get out now and come round to your side to let you out, okay? Stay there."

"Not going anywhere, Britt," Santana says, still laughing slightly.

Brittany opens the passenger door and takes Santana's hand in her own to guide her out safely, until they're standing on the sidewalk. "It's just a few seconds down here, really not far," Brittany says, locking the car and starting to direct Santana.

"Okay, you need to lift you feet, there's a step here to get in," Brittany instructs a minute later, and Santana steps up carefully as Brittany holds the door open for her to walk through.

"I have _no_ idea where you're taking me," Santana says. "Can I..." she pauses. "Can I hear a piano?" Brittany stays silent, but just leads Santana a little further along a short hallway and through another door. When they enter the room, the music becomes louder. "Britt?"

"Okay, I'm going to take the blindfold off now," Brittany says, moving behind Santana so she can reach up and untie the knot. She takes the blindfold off and wraps her arms around Santana's waist, waiting for her reaction.

Santana gasps. "Britt... how did you... oh my god," she stutters. Brittany leans forward slightly, moving some strands of hair away from Santana's neck and pressing a delicate kiss on the skin there. "Do you like it?" she asks, nervously.

They're standing in the main room of the art gallery that Brittany wrote about to get her job at the Register, only it's been transformed for them. The lighting in the room has been dimmed and there are red, green and white fairy lights draped along the top of the paintings. In the centre of the room is a table with two chairs. It's covered by a plain white tablecloth and on top of it are two place settings, with a candle burning brightly between them. There's a CD player playing relaxing piano music from the side of the room.

Santana turns around so she's facing Brittany, and looks her deep in the eyes. "I love it," she whispers, before she leans in and kisses Brittany slow and soft. "I love it so much," she says, pulling back and smiling so purely that Brittany's heart skips a beat. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Brittany replies. "We should go sit down," she says, pointing at the table in the middle of the room. "Our meal will be here soon."

Santana looks around, wondering if she'd missed that they had company in the room, but a second look just confirmed they were still alone. "Our meal? There's no-one else here."

Brittany leads Santana over to the table, pulling the seat out for her to sit down and pushing it back in as she does, before walking around to the sit down on the other chair. "I have contacts," Brittany says playfully, taking her cell out and typing a quick message. "That's our food on the way."

"I have no idea how you managed to organise this," Santana says, still looking around in awe.

"As I said, I have contacts," Brittany explains. "I did the owners of this gallery a favour once, so I asked them politely if they could do me one and thankfully they agreed. Oh! I almost forgot!" Brittany says suddenly, jumping up off her seat and walking over to what looks like a janitor's closet. She opens the door and lifts something out before returning to the table. She sets down two glasses, and an ice bucket with a bottle of champagne in it. "Do you want a drink?"

"Seriously, Britt? Oh my god! I can't believe this!" Santana says, holding out her glass for Brittany to fill.

"Only the best for you," Brittany whispers.

"I love you," Santana replies.

* * *

They're halfway through their first glass of champagne, when Brittany notices Santana looking past her at the wall.

"You like the art here?" Brittany asks.

"It's interesting. Some of it is really, really pretty."

"You want to have a closer look? I can tell you all about it while we're waiting for our food to arrive," Brittany says. "It should be here in about fifteen minutes. Plenty of time."

"Okay, yeah," Santana says, getting up out of her chair, still holding her glass of champagne in one hand. "I like this one," she says, pointing at the one that was behind Brittany. "What do you know about it?"

Brittany gets up and joins Santana as she stands in front of the painting and studies it. "The owner of this gallery painted that one," Brittany tells her. "She'll be really happy that you like this one best." Brittany wraps her arm around Santana's waist and Santana visibly relaxes, before leaning to the side and resting her head on Brittany's shoulder. "She told me once that this was her favourite piece of hers too. She said she was lying in bed one night and got hit by this sudden wave of inspiration and she just _had _to get up and paint it, y'know? Apparently she painted the whole way through the night until it was done. She couldn't sleep."

"You used to be like that," Santana says quietly.

"Hmm?"

"You used to do that too. I remember when you were running for senior class president and I was staying at your house, you'd wake up at 3am with an idea for a poster or a campaign slogan or something and you wouldn't go back to sleep until you wrote it down. You didn't know how to turn your brain off."

"I'm still like that, Santana," Brittany jokes.

"I've always liked that about you... that when you get an idea for something you just _have_ to make it happen, no matter what. I mean, you made dinosaurs the theme of our senior prom and it was the best one ever. I'm pretty sure no-one else would ever have been able to make that happen. And this... tonight... I'm sure no-one else would have made it as special as you did."

"The night has barely started, Santana."

"You know what I mean. You just put so much effort into things and everything you do always turns out so amazing. Just... everything," Santana breathes out. "I mean, you worked so hard at that arts festival and your boss recognised that and gave you a promotion. I just... I love it when you work so hard and people give you the recognition you deserve, Britt."

Brittany tilts her head slightly to look at Santana, where she's still resting on her shoulder. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me for the truth," Santana replies. "Now, come on. You can tell me about the rest of these paintings while I keep worrying about what the hell you have planned for the rest of this evening."

* * *

When they're looking at the fifth painting, the door behind them opens and they turn around to see who's there.

"I have a delivery here for a Lopez-Pierce date," Quinn says as she walks through the door holding some pizza boxes.

"Pizza, Britt, seriously?" Santana laughs.

"What were you expecting? I'm not rich," she says with a smile.

"These are getting cold, and I have places to be, people to see, so do you want these or not?" Quinn says, pretending to be annoyed.

Brittany makes her way over to take the boxes out of Quinn's hands, and she whispers a "thank you" in her ear. Quinn smiles back. "This is beautiful," Quinn tells her, looking around. "I'm sure she loves it. But I've already stayed too long, I'll see you later," she says with a wink, and then she's gone.

"I can't believe you went to all the trouble of setting this up just to eat pizza," Santana laughs, coming over to join her. "We could have just stayed at home for that and you wouldn't have had to go to all this trouble."

"It wasn't really any trouble at all," Brittany counters. "And we can sit in the apartment any night we want. I wanted to do something different... and if I'm not mistaken, I think you like it."

"God, Britt, I told you, I _love _it."

"Good, now let's get stuck into these," she says, holding the pizza up so they can both smell it. "I got your favourite."

* * *

They have three slices left when the music stops.

"Give me a second, I just have to change the disc," Brittany says, getting up and making her way over to the CD player. Santana hadn't noticed the other CDs sitting on top of it until Brittany lifts one up.

"I hope you have something good on that CD," Santana jokes. "Like that one you made me for Valentine's Day."

"Those songs wouldn't exactly be appropriate for the mood of the evening, Santana... but I think these are," Brittany says, as she presses play and makes her way back to the table and lifts up a slice of pepperoni pizza.

"Is this..." Santana starts, as the first few notes of the song echo through the air. "Oh my god, you've thought of everything haven't you?" she laughs, as she realises that the song is. "Songbird," she confirms, as the notes continue. It's a piano cover, but Santana knows that song like no other and she can hear the words as the song continues. She knows Brittany can hear them too, and there's so much love and affection filling the air that Santana starts to get slightly emotional. She bows her head and takes a deep breath in to steady herself. "I still mean every word, you know? All of it," she says, raising her head slightly to meet Brittany's eyes.

Brittany smiles back timidly. "I know," she says softly. "But let's not think about back then. Let's think about right now."

"Yeah, you're right," Santana agrees, and they fall back into comfortable silence to finish off the last few slices of pizza. The CD keeps playing more piano cover versions and as the songs move on from one to the next, Santana becomes more shocked with every one. The second track is Landslide, the third is Me Against The Music and the fourth is Run The World.

When the fifith one comes on, Brittany stands up and holds her hand out for Santana. "May I have this dance?" she asks confidently, as a piano version of Dance With Somebody comes on. Santana beams back at her and breathes out a slight giggle in disbelief. "Of course," she accepts, as she reaches out to grasps Brittany's hand, before being led into the middle of the room and they begin dancing.

At first, there is a little distance between their bodies. Santana has her arms around Brittany's shoulders, while Brittany's hands are resting comfortably on Santana's hips. As the song progresses, Brittany moves her hands round so they're resting at the bottom of Santana's back and she pulls Santana gently closer.

"Hi," Brittany whispers.

"Hi," Santana replies, tightening her grip around Brittany's neck and closing the distance between them. "I like this. It's nice," she says, as they sway to the music in perfect rhythm.

"Yeah, me too."

Brittany rests her forehead against Santana's, and Santana breathes out and closes her eyes, letting everything sink in.

"You're beautiful," Brittany tells her, and she watches a soft smile make its way across Santana's face. "You're so, so beautiful."

"I love you," Santana replies, opening her eyes to look at Brittany. It takes Brittany's breath away slightly; how peaceful Santana looks right now.

"I love you too," Brittany says, quietly. She brushes her nose against Santana's, and tilts her head to the side slightly. She takes Santana's bottom lip between her own and kisses her fimly. She bites down gently on Santana's lip as she pulls away, making Santana moan. Both of them are breathing heavier now and there is a moment where Santana's looks between Brittany's lips and eyes rapidly, before she leans in hesitantly and resumes the kiss.

Santana moves her hands up to tangle in Brittany's hair as she runs her fingers through it, and Brittany moves her hands lower to gently squeeze Santana's ass. Their lips move together in unison, both knowing how to pick up on what the other needs after years of practice. Nothing's changed, they're still Santana and Brittany and the same things still drives them wild.

"We need to revise the rule," Santana says breathlessly between kisses. "We need to revise it or remove it completely because I don't think I can keep my hands off you much longer."

Brittany moans in response. "Consider it removed," she says, still desperately kissing Santana. "I don't even remember what it was," she continues, and pulls away long enough to share a look with Santana. In that look, they both know something has changed. "We should... we should take this somewhere more appropriate," Brittany says, nervously.

Santana freezes and looks around. "But you put so much effort into this. Shouldn't we..."

"I don't care," Brittany interrupts, and places another firm kiss on Santana's lips. "I don't care... I just want you."

"Wait," Santana says. "You've been drinking. How are we getting home?"

Brittany knows she should answer but her words are caught in her throat. Hearing Santana say that they are going home together is making her heart beat fast in her chest. It's everything she's wanted to hear for so long. Ever since she got back from New York after meeting up with Santana for the first time again, it's all she's wanted. "Babe?" Santana says, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"Quinn," Brittany answers immediately. "She's..." she struggles to regain any logical thought with the images of her and Santana going _home_ together are playing in her head. "She's at a friend's house a block away, she's coming to drive us back."

"Can you get her to come now?" Santana asks impatiently. Brittany nods and drags herself away from Santana, making her way back over to the table to call Quinn and ask her to come and take them home.

"She'll be here in five," Brittany informs her. "I should clear up here first though. I kind of promised them..." she trails off. "Such a mood killer," she laughs.

Santana makes her way over to the table to help Brittany clear everything up. "Britt, if you seriously think _anything_ can kill the mood when I'm around you, you're looking like _that_ and you just gave me the most special night of my life, then you are very, very wrong."

* * *

Quinn drops them off at the apartment and then takes Brittany's car to drive back to her friend's house, where she's staying for the night. When Santana realises that Brittany planned for them to have the place to themselves for the evening, it only fuels her on.

"You'd planned this from the very start, didn't you?" Santana asks as Brittany fumbles with the key in the door. Santana wraps her arms around her from behind and starts kissing down her neck. "You knew."

Brittany moans, and the door opens a few seconds later. They both stumble through and Santana closes it behind them, before Brittany pushes her up against it, kissing her desperately. "Not this," Brittany pants. "I just wanted us to be alone... I didn't care what we did. But _this_..." she says as she starts to undo the buttons on Santana's blouse. "This I'm not complaining about."

"Me neither," Santana breathes out as Brittany helps her take her blouse off and discards it carelessly in the hall. "Bedroom. Now."

* * *

Santana has her legs on either side of Brittany's hips, straddling her. Brittany is lying flat on her back, staring up at Santana with lust in her eyes. Their skirt and dress were lost somewhere between the door and the bedroom, so bare skin is touching bare skin and both of their chests are rising and falling rapidly with want.

"What's wrong?" Santana asks gently as she notices a slight flicker of hesitiation in Brittany's eyes.

Brittany _wants _this. She wants this more than anything, and her body is showing her that; screaming out for it. Somewhere deep in her heart though there's a part of Brittany that's still insecure about opening up to Santana like this. She loves her, she trusts her, but there's something - she doesn't know what it is - stopping her from giving in fully. "Nothing," Brittany mumbles.

Santana sits back and studies Brittany's face. She knows when she's lying. "Britt... I'm not going to do this if you aren't comfortable with it. Just talk to me," Santana pleads, as she rubs her hands up and down Brittany's sides reassuringly. It only adds fuel to the fire in Brittany's body, driving her want on even further.

"I'm comfortable with it," Brittany says honestly, because she is. She's comfortable letting Santana have free reign over her body, she's comfortable being intimate with her.

"Then what is it?" Santana asks.

Brittany wants to scream because she doesn't know. She doesn't know why she's hesitiating when this is everything she wants. She decides that honesty is probably best. "I... I don't know."

Santana's face softens. "Hey," she says gently, moving forward so she can cup Brittany's cheek. "We can just cuddle if you want, I don't care. All I want is to fall asleep beside you and wake up beside you," she whispers, honestly. "I love you."

With those three words, Brittany loses her resolve. The doubt in her heart disappears and she lets those words fill her up, surround her and protect her. "I love you too... and... and I want to."

"Are you sure?" Santana asks, wanting to know that Brittany's heart is really in this.

Brittany nods her head timidly. "Yeah," she says quietly. "I... want to make love to you."

Santana gulps, and she feels her eyes become hot, threatening tears. "I love you so much," she says, as she leans down to capture Brittany's lips in a kiss, her hand still cupping Brittany's cheek. As Santana's kisses move down her neck, across her collarbone and further south, Brittany softens and lets herself go, fully submitting herself to Santana. "You're beautiful," Santana whispers, looking her in the eye as she reaches round to remove Brittany's bra. The honesty and trust in Santana's gaze is enough for Brittany to know that this means just as much to both of them.

Brittany closes her eyes and lies back, fully submersing herself in feeling Santana on every inch of her.

* * *

Afterwards, lying naked beside Santana, Brittany knows that things might look different in the morning light. But right now, with the girl she loves in her arms, peaceful and breathing softly as sleep begins to take over, she knows that this is right where she's meant to be.


	12. Chapter 12

**First of all, I'm giving a trigger warning for this chapter just to be safe. It touches on some issues of domestic abuse - mostly emotional, and a very small mention of physical - so just be warned. **

**Second of all, the parts in italics are flashbacks :)**

* * *

When Brittany wakes up the following morning, Santana's already awake and is lying on her side, facing her. She's looking at her like she's trying to commit everything to memory, as if she didn't know if she'd ever get the chance to wake up beside Brittany ever again and she's going to take everything in in case it gets taken from her for a second time. Waking up to Santana looking at her like that is how she wants to start every single day for the rest of her life.

"Morning," Santana says softly.

Brittany smiles gently, and moves her body closer to Santana's. They're still naked, and Brittany can feel the warmth of Santana's skin pressing against her own. Santana wraps her arm around Brittany's waist, pulls her closer, and starts drawing patterns on Brittany's hip absentmindedly.

"Morning," Brittany answers, pressing a light kiss to Santana's lips. Kissing Santana good morning like this is probably her favorite thing in the entire universe.

Santana doesn't say anything else. Instead, she just keeps looking at Brittany the way she was before, as if she's studying every single last detail.

"Babe?" Brittany questions.

"Hmm?"

"You're staring."

Santana smiles gently. "I was right, you know," she says and Brittany's brow furrows in confusion.

"Right about what?"

"That you'd still be perfect."

"You're not making any sense right now," Brittany says.

"That you'd still be perfect... just like graduation night," Santana adds.

Brittany's eyes widen in shock as the words register and she understands what Santana means.

"You _remembered?_" Brittany asks in awe, and then suddenly she's annoyed. Annoyed that Santana knew and didn't bring it up."All this time we've been meeting up and you haven't mentioned it once? All this time, you _knew?_" Brittany asks.

"You didn't tell me either, Britt," she counters.

"Why didn't you call me out on it?"

Santana closes her eyes for a moment, and takes a breath. "I didn't remember," she says quietly, ashamed almost.

"Well, obviously you did or you wouldn't have known abo-"

"Quinn told me."

"What?"

"Quinn told me. We were on a Skype call. I think you were at work and she told me she had something to forward to me that was important. She told me not to read it until I was on my own though, but I didn't know it was going to... change my life."

"When?" Brittany asks coldly, sitting up and Santana flinches slightly. "When did she tell you?"

"I guess it must have been..." she pauses while she tries to remember how long ago it was. "Like, June or July?"

"So in September, when you kissed me? Would you have still done that if you hadn't read that e-mail again or did you just have to test it to see if you still felt something?"

"Britt, stop."

"No, Santana," Brittany says, sitting up. "You had everything sorted out - your apartment, your girlfriend, your new life - and then all of a sudden you decide you want this again? Would you ever have wanted this if Quinn hadn't shown you that or would you just have happily stayed best friends?"

"Britt...," Santana says, shaking her head, wondering how this morning went from perfect to this in about two seconds flat. "I love you," she says honestly. It's the only thing she thinks she can say that will make Brittany understand. "I've _always _loved you." Santana reaches out her hand to take Brittany's, but Brittany pulls away.

* * *

_Brittany walks right into Santana's dorm without knocking, as she does every Monday afternoon after her shorthand tutorial. It's been a long time since they locked their doors - unless they are both in the room and don't want to be disturbed._

_"Heyyyyy," Santana saya playfully. _

_Brittany walks right over to the bed where her girlfriend is sitting up with a book in her lap studying. She drops her bag on the floor and kicks her shoes off as she makes her way across. Santana shifts in the bed so there's room for Brittany to join her, even though it's a single and it's still a squeeze. Santana folds the corner of the page down, and closes the book, moving to wrap her arms around Brittany and soak in her company. _

_"Hey," Brittany say shortly. _

_Santana's brow furrows. "What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing."_

_"Britt, what's wrong?" she asks, her voice softer than before. She starts rubbing Brittany's arm soothingly. "Tell me."_

_"I'm just struggling to learn all this shorthand stuff. Everyone's already so much better than me and I just _can't _do it! It's not like I don't try!" Brittany almost cries. "I'm trying so, so hard and it's been two months already and I just can't get it!"_

_"Baby, that's okay," Santana soothes. "It's completely new to you, no-one expects you to pick it up right away." _

_"Everyone else has."_

_"But you're not everyone else. Who cares if they pick it up right away? I bet it'd take them years to learn all the different breeds of cat there are, or all the different dance moves that you can do without even thinking..."_

_"But those things aren't going to get me a _job_, Santana! I can't just walk into a newspaper or magazine and say 'oh yeah, hire me, I'm really good at dancing and knowing stuff about cats, but I can't do shorthand which is what you're probably looking for, but hey, take a chance on me anyway.'"_

_"Britt..."_

_"I'm not smart enough," Brittany says, defeated. "I don't know why I ever thought I could do this."_

_Santana sits up and looks at her, her face urgent and serious. "No. No, don't you dare. Britt, you're so smart. So, so smart, okay? You just need to believe in yourself." Santana leans down to stroke Brittany's cheek softly. "I believe in you. I know you can do it, Britt. You're gonna be one of the best journalists in America one day!"_

_"You're just saying that to make me feel better."_

_"No, I'm not," Santana replies, honestly. "You already wrote for the school magazine, and how many times did you make me pretend I was someone who got robbed, or someone who was winning an award or the mayor of some town when we were younger just so you could interview me and pretend to report for the New York Times or something?" Brittany smiles slightly at that. "You've wanted this since you were like, four years old. And when you want something, you make it happen, Britt. Anyone would be stupid to not take you on just because you can't write in some scribbly language as well as someone else can. When it comes down to it, you're better at reporting and writing than they are. You look at the world differently than they do, and you pick up on things other people wouldn't. You'd be an asset to anyone and if someone can't see that then it's going to be their loss."_

_"That's really sweet, Santana, but... it's not going to help me pass this class."_

_"I will, though." _

_"Really?"_

_"Yeah, really. I'll help you study, or make you flash cards or leave little post its in your dorm on your mirror and in your closet or wherever. I'll do anything to help you."_

_Brittany smiles properly for the first time since entering the dorm and leans up to press her lips against Santana's. "Thank you."_

* * *

"I just..." Brittany stutters. "I thought you wanted this because you were falling in love with me all over again. Not because of some stupid e-mail."

"I didn't fall in love with you all over again."

"But you just said..."

"I mean it Britt. I've _always_ loved you. I've never fallen out of love with you, so there's no way I could fall back."

Brittany softens slightly. "Yeah?" she says, turning to look at Santana. She feels the look on Santana's face like a physical punch to the gut. Santana looks so scared and small and broken. The complete opposite of what she was five minutes ago.

"Yeah. Do you know how many times I would have been sitting on my break in that shitty coffee shop back in Philly and I would bring up your profile on Facebook and just look at you? Even before you called me that day. Your profile was private and all I could see was your profile photo and the city you lived in. Every single day I'd try to work up the courage to make a profile again and message you, because I was so scared of what I couldn't see," Santana says, her voice breaking. "I didn't know what was happening in your life. Anything could have been hidden behind that. Boyfriend, girlfriend, married, _pregnant_... god, I just... I just wanted to know what was happening in your life. I just wanted to know if you were happy."

* * *

_"How about I take you out on a date Friday night and make you feel really, really special to help you relax?" Santana says, wrapping her arms around Brittany's waist as they stand in the middle of her dorm room._

_Brittany sighs. "You know I can't do Friday. Reading group, remember?"_

_Santana kisses Brittany softly on the lips once, before kissing along her jaw and slowly kissing down her neck. "You could miss it just this once though, right?"_

_Brittany reaches down and lifts Santana's chin, so she's looking right at her. "You know I can't."_

_"Not even for me?" It's a challenge and a request. _

_"Santana, we've been over this. Any other night, any other time, I'm yours. But this is something I really enjoy and it looks good on my record, gives me something extra from college than just my degree, y'know?" Brittany smiles. "What about Thursday?"_

_Santana moves away from her suddenly. "No."_

_"Okay? Saturday?"_

_"I want to take you out on Friday."_

_"What difference does it make if it's Friday or Saturday, S?" Brittany asks, agitated. _

_"Exactly!" Santana almost shouts back. "What's the difference!"_

_"The difference for _me_ is that I have commitments on Fridays. For you... there isn't a difference."_

_Santana stays silent, breathing deeply to control her emotions. "Britt, Friday used to be our night. The whole way through senior year, the whole summer, and now college is here... and we haven't had our Friday date night in like... two months. I'm sick of it. I just want things to go back to how they were, just once."_

_"Things change," Brittany says, carefully._

_"Not with _us!"_Santana says, throwing her arms in the air. "We're the one thing that's been constant and now you're changing it and... how am I meant to feel?"_

_"I'm not changing anything between us!" Brittany yells. "Yeah, something else came up and we might have to move things around a little. I'm finished by nine anyway, we could go out after if it really means that much to you."_

_"Is there someone else?"_

_Brittany freezes, her eyes wide. "What?" she says quietly._

_"You heard me," Santana says, her voice cold. "Is there someone else? Have you met someone at this stupid reading group and you're cheating on me? Is that it?"_

_"Santana, listen to yourself."_

_"Yeah, I am, Britt," she says with venom in her voice. "You're not denying it. All I know is that we've had date night on Friday for like a year, and then we get to college, you join some fucking reading group and all of a sudden you don't want to see me! So what is it? _Who_ is it!"_

_"I don't want to see you?," Brittany asks in confusion. There are tears in her eyes as she becomes increasingly more frustrated. "I'm here right now aren't I? If I didn't want to see you why would I be here?"_

_"I don't know," Santana throws back. "Maybe to cover things up so it's less suspicious?"_

_Brittany laughs. "Seriously?"_

_"What?" Santana says. She's angry._

_"You're shouting at me because I came here to spend time with you? You think I'm cheating on you because I'm spending time with you?"_

_"Well, you still haven't denied it..."_

_"God! I'm not cheating on you! I love you," Brittany says, as she breaks. Tears spill over and she takes those few steps towards Santana to close the distance. She reaches out and takes her hand. Santana doesn't grip back. "I love you," she cries. "You," she says, squeezing Santana's hand. _

_There are tears in Santana's eyes as she looks at Brittany. Every inch of Brittany's face is begging Santana to see how honest she's being. Santana removes her hand from Brittany's, walks over to her desk and lifts her jacket from over the back of her chair, and makes her way out of the door, leaving Brittany standing hopelessly in the middle of her dorm room. _

_It's the first time since they started dating that Santana hasn't said 'I love you' back. _

* * *

"Santana..."

"No, please. Let me finish. I was so scared because I wanted to see if you were happy... I wanted you to be happy more than anything. But I was terrified, because I didn't want to see you have a life where you were happy and I wasn't in it." She shakes her head, trying to forget. "I want to be the one to make you happy, Britt."

Brittany watches as Santana deflates and bows her head, ashamed that she didn't get in contact with Brittany even after all that time. She brings a hand up to wipe away a tear, and Brittany's heart clenches.

"Hey," Brittany says as softly as she can, moving so she's looking directly at Santana, even if she's not looking back. "You make me the happiest," she whispers into the air between them. "The _happiest_, okay?"

Santana lets out a breath, and shakes her head slightly as she struggles to absorb the words.

"You make me the happiest I've ever been. Always have, always will. I could never have a life where I'm happy if you weren't in it."

Santana looks up and meets Brittany's eyes, both of them smiling slightly. "But for years..."

"I wasn't happy. You weren't here," Brittany states. "Quinn knew. She always knew. She did everything she could to try and keep me happy - we'd go out, have people over, have nights in just us and some pizza - but she knew deep down that nothing would make me truly happy if you weren't there."

"Why did you lie to me?" Santana asks. "When you called. Why didn't you tell me about that e-mail? You said you called because the girls from glee were at your apartment. Why didn't you just tell me the truth?"

"That _was_ the truth... well, part of it. I was going to tell you and then... then your girlfriend answered the phone and I couldn't do that to you. I couldn't ruin what you had. I was going to hang up as soon as I heard her call you 'babe', but knowing you were right on the other end of the line... I just... I needed to hear your voice again. Then I did and... it was game over. I knew I couldn't say goodbye again."

* * *

_Brittany throws herself down on her bed, exhausted from being in classes all day and then going to the cafe to meet with her group. She takes her cell out of her pocket and dials Santana's number._

_"Hey," Santana says, with a smile evident in her voice. _

_"Hey yourself."_

_"Is that you back in your dorm now?" Santana asks._

_"Yeah, literally just in through the door. I'm so tired."_

_"You'll be even tireder when I'm finished with you," Santana flirts._

_Brittany takes a breath. "Can I have a rain check on tonight? I really just want to sleep."_

_"You can sleep here though."_

_"Ugh, the thought of getting up and having to walk across campus to your room is too much right now. I'll stay tomorrow?" she offers._

_"Fine." _

_"Hey, don't be like that..."_

_"Be like what?"_

_"Angry with me. I just really want to get an early night."_

_"And I said that's fine." _

_"It was the way you said it. If there's something wrong, tell me."_

_"There's nothing wrong, Britt. I'll... I'll let you go and I'll talk to you later."_

_"Santana..."_

_"Bye, Britt."_

_"Santana wait-"_

_The line goes dead and Brittany sinks into the pillow, closing her eyes. Santana's been like this for the past two weeks since their argument. She's been defensive and guarded and Brittany feels like she's fighting a losing battle. It feels like they're moving backwards, to when Santana kept her walls up and Brittany had to fight so hard to get her to bring them down. _

_A few stray tears make their way down Brittany cheek, until she eventually falls alseep, still fully clothed, on top of the covers._

_/_

_She's woken up about two hours later by a persistent banging on her bedroom door. She can hear someone's voice through the haze of sleep and, as she wakes up a little more, she recognizes it as Santana. She sighs, and gets up to answer the door. As soon as she does, Santana laughs mirthlessly. _

_"Going somewhere?" Santana challenges, looking at what Brittany's wearing._

_"What?" Brittany asks, wiping sleep from her eyes._

_"You said you were going to sleep, but you're dressed to go out. So... why are you lying to me?"_

_"I'm... what? I'm not lying to you."_

_Santana scoffs._

_"I came back from the cafe and fell asleep on top of the covers after we got off the phone... but then you woke me up..."_

_"I don't think right now is the time to be accusing me of anything..."_

_"What are you... why did you come here?"_

_"Because I wanted to fall asleep beside my girlfriend," Santana states. "But apparently she had other plans... so... where are they?"_

_"What?" _

_"This guy or girl you keep blowing me off for. Are they in here?" Santana asks, physically pushing Brittany out of the way and making her way into the room. "Oh God, it's going to be like in one of those movies isn't it? Where I check in the closet and the shower and under the bed and it turns out they're hiding behind the door or something. Then I leave and you just get back to... whatever you were doing," she mumbles, as she throws open Brittany's closet. _

_Brittany closes the door to her room and looks at Santana. She has no idea where this has come from. "Santana, please," she says quietly. "Just... calm down for one second."_

_"Calm down? Calm down? Britt, I've told you how I feel about our date nights, and we finally come to a compromise and you still bail on me and say you still can't come over? How am I meant to be calm? I'm losing you!"_

_"The only thing that's making you lose me right now is you!"_

_"And what's that supposed to mean?" Santana questions, folding her arms._

_Brittany breathes out and shakes her head. "Look at you... you're... you're storming in here accusing me of things you know aren't true when you could have just come in, pleased to see me, and we could have fallen asleep by now..."_

_"I thought you wanted to be alone. You said to take a rain check on tonight. That you didn't want to see me! I want to know why!" _

_"Can you just... drop this, please?"_

_"No I can't just 'drop this'," Santana says using air quotes. "We're going to work this out!"_

_"There's nothing _to_ work out!"_

_"Then explain." _

_"There's nothing to-"_

_"Don't give me that bullshit, Britt. Explain to me why we haven't been on a date for weeks, why you bailed on me, why you're dressed like that when you said you were going to sleep?"_

_Brittany looks Santana up and down, not sure if she recognises the person standing in front of her. "I'm not going to stand here and listen to you talk to me like this. I'll be back later," Brittany says, making her way to the door. As soon as she reaches out for the handle, she feels Santana grab her arm painfully. Santana's never used force against her in the entire time she's known her. It makes her scared. _

_"Wh-what are you doing? You're hurting me," Brittany says, turning to look between Santana's eyes and the grip on her arm. "Please let go."_

_"You're not going anywhere. We're going to work this out once and for all and you're going to tell me what the hell is going on!"_

_Tears surface in Brittany's eyes as Santana continues to hold on to her too tightly. "Please," she breathes out. "Can you just let go?" She reaches up to try and pull Santana's hand off, but Santana's grip is too strong. Santana pulls her back into the center of the room and pushes her to sit on the bed. As soon as Santana releases her grip, Brittany rubs her arm and gulps at the red marks she can see surfacing there already._

_"So?"_

_Brittany's crying now and she doesn't know what to say to make Santana stop acting like this. "I-I've been telling you the truth the whole time. I just came home and fell asleep in my clothes and you woke me up and said I was going somewhere... and I-I didn't really understand why, because I was still trying to wake up, and then you came in and said I had someone in my room and... and... please, Santana," she whimpers. "I just- I don't know what I've done wrong."_

_"Obviously," Santana says sharply. "I just don't want to lose you, Britt!"_

_"Then don't push me away."_

_"I'm not-"_

_"You are. And you have been for the past two weeks."_

_"I just... know that you're hiding something."_

_"I'm not hiding _anything_!" Brittany yells, crying harder. "Why can't you see that?"_

_"When was the last time you did something romantic for me?"_

_"What?"_

_"Well? When was it?" Santana's calmer now, but there's still anger in her voice._

_"I don't- why are you asking me this?"_

_"You used to make me feel special all the time, Britt. When was the last time you made me feel special?"_

_"I've been _trying_! You haven't been letting me in!" Brittany shouts in frustration._

_"Don't be stupid."_

_In those three words, the air is completely sucked out of the room and Brittany swears she feels her heart physically shatter. _

_"You need to leave."_

_Santana's whole demeanor changes as she realises what she just said. "Britt... I didn't mean... I... I'm sorry..."_

_"This... I think we... I can't do this anymore," Brittany says so quietly that it's barely above a whisper, but she knows Santana hears her loud and clear. "I can't do this. I just... need to be alone for a while." _

_"Okay," Santana says, the earlier argument forgotten. "I'll... go back to my place and I'll come over tomorrow morning?"_

_"No," Brittany says, her voice sure. She looks at Santana properly for the first time. "I need to be alone, alone... like... not in a relationship."_

_"You're... you're... breaking up with me?"_

_"I have to," Brittany says, and her heart breaks even further. She has to. Their relationship isn't healthy. She's tried to explain, tried to compromise, been honest about everything and nothing's worked. She's exhausted. "I'm sorry."_

_"Britt... don't do this."_

_"I'm sorry," she repeats, and gets up to walk over and open the door for Santana. "You need to leave."_

_"Britt... don't... I... please... I love you!" Santana pleads, and it takes all of Brittany's strength not to give in. _

_"Go," she whispers. "Please. If you love me you'll go."_

_Santana pauses slightly and looks at her. She swallows and clears her throat, as if she's about to speak, but the words never come. She takes one last look at Brittany and walks out the door without turning to glance back. _

_The next time Brittany sees Santana in person is in New York City._

* * *

"You couldn't say goodbye again?" Santana says softly.

"I don't think I'll _ever _be able to say goodbye to you again. After I heard your voice, I knew I needed to keep you in my life forever."

"Forever?" Santana asks, and she pulls Brittany closer to her again. She sighs happily at having contact again.

"Forever," Brittany whispers, looking right into Santana's eyes.

"That's a pretty long time."

"It's the _longest _time." Brittany brings her hand up to put a strand of hair behind Santana's ear and Santana smiles.

"Do we have any other things we need to get out in the open?"

"That's my conscience clear, I think. You?"

"There is one thing...," Santana starts, and Brittany automatically tenses again. "But it's nothing bad though, don't worry," she adds quickly.

"Okay?"

"Remember when we met in New York and I told you I was there because my parents were in town?" Brittany nods. "Well... when we went back to Lima last week... that was the first time I'd seen my parents in like... a year."

Brittany's eyes widen. "You mean they... why were you in New York then?"

"To see you."

"You..."

"I wanted to see you but didn't want to seem too keen and I didn't know how to ask you so I made up an excuse... I didn't think you'd agree... but I'm so glad you did."

"You actually travelled the whole way to New York just to see me?"

"Yeah," Santana breathes out. "Dumb, right? I still have no game," she laughs.

"Santana... that's... that's..." Brittany stutters and can't find the words, so instead she just leans in and kisses her, soft but sure. Santana exhales and relaxes, knowing that they have no secrets, nothing more to hide. "That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me," Brittany says when she pulls back slightly. "That's... I can't believe you did that."

"I'd do anything for you."

In that moment, Brittany believes the words more than she's believed anything in her life. She hears the words, sees them, feels them. They envelope her from head to toe and it makes her feel so safe and so loved that she doesn't really know what to do with it. Luckily, Santana understands that and speaks for her.

"Do you think... we could give this a go? Us, I mean. Properly."

Brittany thinks back to everything that went wrong last time. Her head screams at her to be careful, to remember that it might be difficult, it might go back to how things were. Her heart, on the other hand, is beating out a constant rhythm of 'yes'.

"How do I know that things won't be like before? How do I know you won't be like that again?" she asks, because she needs to know. Her heart is sure, but her head needs to be too.

Santana studies her, and takes a few seconds to answer. "You don't," she says honestly. "But I can promise you right here, right now that I will do everything in my power to make sure that I never hurt you in my life, ever again. I promise you. Until the day I die, I will do nothing but try to make you happy." She pauses. "I love you. All you can do is trust me."

Brittany does.

That's all it takes for her head to catch up to her heart and for them to agree and let her have this.

She nods. "Okay."

Santana smiles brightly, and Brittany thinks it might be the happiest she's ever seen her. Tears form in both of their eyes, and then they're laughing. "Okay?" Santana says, like she can't quite believe it and Brittany just nods again. "You're my girlfriend?" Santana asks with the innocence of a child in the playground.

"I'm your girlfriend," Brittany confirms. The tears spill over onto Santana's cheeks and she leans in and kisses Brittany so passionately, so tenderly and with so much love that it actually takes Brittany's breath away.

Brittany's dreamt about this kiss for three years. She's spent sleepless nights wondering what it would feel like, if it would feel the same as it did the first time she kissed Santana as girlfriends when they were in high school. She's thought about this more times than she can remember, but not once did she ever imagine it being this perfect.

She smiles into the kiss and puts every inch of her heart into it, knowing that she should never have doubted for one second that this moment would be anything less than perfect. Any moment with Santana as her girlfriend is perfect.

She smiles even harder realising that this is only the beginning.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hi! Sorry I took so long to update. I've been kind of taking a break from fandom recently. I deleted my tumblr last week and I've just been focusing on real life things. Don't worry though, I'll be completing this story! I just don't know how (ir)regular the updates are going to be from here on in. **

**Also, I have to just thank you guys for keeping on supporting me with this story. I reached 200 reviews with the last chapter, and that's so far beyond anything I could have ever imagined when I started writing this! So thank you so much :) **

* * *

They don't tell Quinn right away.

She asks them, of course, how their date night went and they laugh and giggle like they're fifteen again, but they don't mention it. They keep it to themselves for a day because, to them, it seems like something special and sacred and they don't what to share it just yet. So, until Friday night it's theirs and theirs alone and the comfort that brings is more than they ever thought was possible. Brittany smiles so much in work on Thursday and Friday that her colleagues ask her what's happened. She doesn't tell them. There are whispers of 'pregnant' or 'Carson's retiring, she's being promoted' and usually it would bother Brittany that she's the talk of the office, but not now. Not when she can leave at five and go home to her beautiful girlfriend. The thought makes her smile even more.

It's only on Friday night, when Quinn's sitting in the living room with them and they're tangled together on the couch feeding each other slices of pizza that they finally give in.

"I'm a third wheel, aren't I?" Quinn asks out of the blue as she watches them act like teenagers again.

Brittany smiles and looks at Santana, who's smiling back, and they have a silent conversation with their eyes saying "you can tell her", "no you", "okay together then?" until Santana reaches out her hand and links her fingers through Brittany's.

"Yeah," Brittany says at the same time Santana manages to get out "Maybe a little". They can't stop laughing and smiling, but Brittany's acutely aware that Quinn hasn't spoken yet. She knows that in any other cirumstances she'd probably be worrying or she'd be begging Quinn to say something, but right now she's too drunk on love to really care.

"Just... make sure I don't come in the door to the image of both of you getting it on in the kitchen or something and I'm sure we'll get along just fine," Quinn says, trying to sound as threatening as possible but failing miserably as a smile involuntarily breaks across her face. Brittany mouths a 'thank you' as Santana replies "I can't make any promises, Quinn!" and Brittany swears things haven't been this perfect for as long as she can remember.

* * *

Brittany's driving to the grocery store on Saturday with the radio on when she hears something that makes her freak out a little inside.

_"Today's the first of December! Only twenty-four days until Christmas! To help get you in the spirit of the holidays, we're officially starting to play Christmas music from today, starting with this..."_

Brittany automatically panics because she completely forgot about Christmas. Completely. Buying for Quinn and her parents isn't going to be a challenge, but Santana's present is going to be difficult. They've only just got back together and things are still new and fresh with them so getting something expensive or serious might give the wrong impression - that they're moving too fast too soon. But the other side of that is that this is _Santana, _the person she's been buying Christmas presents for for what feels like her entire life. Even when they had broken up, Brittany still saw things online or at the mall that automatically made her think of Santana that she'd want to buy for her. It's just a matter of getting the balance right.

She does her grocery shopping absentmindedly, just going through the motions of picking the usual items off the shelves, as she tries to brainstorm what she can get Santana. Her mind is racing a mile a minute going from jewelery to clothes to something sentimental and back to jewelery again, and Brittany knows that this is going to be a long process. She can't just buy Santana anything. It has to be perfect. She decides that this is as close to an emergency as she's going to get and calls Quinn.

"Hey Bri-"

"Quinn, I need your help," Brittany interrupts.

"O... kay? What's up?"

"It's Christmas soon."

Quinn chuckles. "Yep. It's the same date every year, y'know. They don't change it."

"Quinn, it's Christmas _soon_. What am I going to get Santana?"

"Britt, really? If _you_ have to ask _me _that question then there's no hope for anyone. You know Santana better than anyone."

"I know, I'm not worried about that. It's just... how do I get her something that isn't too serious but isn't just like a present between friends? It needs to be something to let her know I love her..."

"Can I be honest?" Quinn asks, hesitantly.

"I'd be worried if you weren't," Brittany replies.

"Santana's going to love anything you buy her." Brittany starts to protest. "Just hear me out, Britt," Quinn continues, and Brittany sighs but then listens. "It's _you_ buying her a present. _You're_ her girlfriend. I think that's more than she could ask for. So don't worry so much about it. She's probably worrying just as much as you, if not more."

"I know, but-"

"No buts, you _know _her. Just because you've only been a couple again for a few days doesn't mean the past fifteen years of your life don't mean anything. I have faith in you."

"You really aren't that much help in a crisis, you know?" Brittany says but Quinn can hear her smiling.

"This isn't a crisis. You don't need my help. You'll work it out."

"Okay. Well, thanks anyway. Do you need anything from the grocery store while I'm here?"

"I don't think so, Britt. I gotta go, but I'll see you at home later, yeah?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Q," Brittany says. "See you later."

* * *

It takes two more weeks until Brittany gets the perfect idea. When it hits her, she's so relieved and so happy that she doesn't really know what to do. She's slightly disappointed that it's still over a week until Christmas, because she genuinely doesn't believe that she can wait that long to give it to Santana.

She orders it online and gets it delivered to her office for next day delivery. Sometimes it actually shocks her that you can buy almost anything on the internet these days and have it in your hand by the next day.

The package arrives in a small brown box covered in tape and is sitting on her desk when she arrives in work the following morning. Brittany takes her coat off and throws it over the chair before getting a pair of scissors and cutting the tape so she can open the box. She opens the lid and lifts off the tissue paper that has been packaged around it, so she can see the contents. When she does, she smiles and takes them out.

She sets the two bracelets down on the desk in front of her and looks at them. She can't believe it took her this long to think of this before. When they were younger they had matching bracelets and they didn't represent what _type _of relationship they were in, they always just represented them being in each other's lives. Now that they're back together again and starting fresh, Brittany thinks they should get new bracelets too. This way, it doesn't seem too serious, not serious enough or something in between. It's just them. It's just them and knowing that they have a reminder of each other on their wrist every day.

Brittany thinks of it as the stage before the reminders start turning into rings on fingers, but she doesn't want to think about that just yet because if she thinks about it too much she'll probably end up proposing to Santana for Christmas, and she wants this relationship to progress a little slower than that. She just wants to appreciate _being _with Santana for a while before all that serious stuff happens. (Because she's sure that it _will_ happen, just not right now.)

The bracelets Brittany bought are silver and are similar to the ones they had in high school, but they're not exactly the same. These ones have a figure eight shape in the middle representing 'infinity' because Brittany wants Santana to know that she's in this for the long term. She really does want Santana to be in her life forever.

* * *

Brittany gets home from work that night to be greeted by Santana at the door almost bouncing on the balls of her feet, handing her a glass of what looks like champagne.

"And there's my beautiful girlfriend," Santana says as Brittany takes the champagne from her. Santana leans in and gives Brittany a soft peck on the lips to welcome her home.

"Not that I'm complaining at all because this is a _very_ nice thing to come home to... but what's going on?" Brittany asks as she takes off her shoes and coat, as well as setting her bag down in the hallway. Santana's smiling at her so radiantly and so perfectly that she just wants to do something to make things stay like this forever.

"I got a job!" Santana says excitedly.

"Oh my God! That's amazing! I didn't even know you had applied for anything!" Brittany replies, just as excited. She pulls Santana into a hug and holds her tight. "I'm so proud of you." She pulls back and kisses her. "So, where are you working?"

"It's just a cafe on Union Avenue but it's better than nothing..."

"Santana, it's incredible! Seriously, I didn't even know you applied!"

"I didn't... I was in town today and I just went in for lunch and that's when I saw the sign that they were hiring. Turns out the manager was in and he talked to me for a while. I told him I'd been supervisor back in Philly and I'm assuming he liked me because he offered me a job," Santana explains, smiling. "It's just a trial run for a few weeks first, but if I do okay then he says I should get about four or five days work a week."

"I'm so happy for you, baby. You'll do great."

"I'll be able to pay you a bit more rent and stuff when I get my first paycheck, and I can start putting some money aside for when we get our own place."

Brittany lights up at that. "Every time we talk about our own place it makes me feel so happy inside."

"Every time I talk to _you_ I'm so happy inside," Santana flirts.

"Well, that too," Brittany agrees and they both lean in at the same time for a quick kiss. "Will we order in for dinner to celebrate the occasion?"

"One step ahead of you," Santana smirks. "There's a Chinese takeaway on its way to us as we speak."

"God, I love you," Brittany laughs.

* * *

Christmas comes quicker than expected, but then again it always does every year. Brittany had to do some last minute running around on Christmas Eve because she forgot about buying wrapping paper and she completely forgot to get something else to put in with Santana's present. After an extremely speedy dash through town, she managed to pick up an Alanis Morrisette boxset and a dress that she swears was actually made for Santana to wear. (Or maybe made for her to take _off_ of Santana, either way she's not complaining.)

Even though she's twenty-one years old, she never learns to take it slow where Christmas dinner is concerned and right now she feels like she can't move because she's eaten so much.

"Time for presents!" Quinn shouts, and Brittany groans because, seriously, is it too much to ask to just have a quick-post meal nap? Apparently the answer is 'yes' because Quinn's already started taking the presents from under their tree and started organising them into piles of 'Quinn', 'Brittany', 'Santana' and 'unknown'. Brittany watches as Quinn reads each tag and places it in the corresponding pile. Her excitement grows slightly because all three piles are quite big - probably about ten presents in each - and she's getting confused because she doesn't even know who half of these presents are from. She definitely didn't buy presents for ten people this year, so she's freaking out a little in case she's forgotten someone.

"Come sit on the floor so we're all together," Santana says softly, and takes her by the hand and the feeling of her touch makes her forget that she feels like she's about to burst from eating too much. Before she knows it she's sitting cross-legged on the living room floor surrounded by presents with Santana lying with her head in her lap and Quinn sitting, also cross-legged, beside her. As far as Christmasses go, Brittany's pretty sure this one is the most perfect one yet.

* * *

They save the 'Unholy' (as they're calling them) presents for last. Brittany opens Quinn's first - a new cover for her iPhone, a pair of jeans, and a very expensive box of chocolates. Santana's next to open her present from Quinn - a book called 'Rekindling Romance for Dummies' at which Santana looks thoroughly displeased and Brittany finds hilarious. Santana's opinion changes drastically when she flicks through the book quickly and finds a section entitled 'Spicing Up Your Sex Life'. She winks and Brittany and Quinn just shakes her head and says "It was meant as a joke, what have I done?" Quinn has also gotten her a t-shirt, but Santana's too engrossed in her new found favorite book to even pay attention.

It takes them a moment, but they get Santana to put the book down, even though she now has a permanent smirk on her face and keeps looking up at Brittany every few seconds, and they start opening the presents from her. Quinn goes first, tearing off the plain silver paper to find a polka dot diary for the upcoming year and a giftcard for Starbucks. Santana laughs when Quinn looks genuinely shocked that she managed to buy her a present that a) she likes and b) is actually useful. She says a quiet thank you and hands the wrapped present from Santana that's in Brittany's pile over to Brittany for her to open.

Brittany motions for Santana to sit up because she wants to be able to open it properly, so Santana moves from her lap and leans up against the couch. Brittany opens her gift with much more care than Quinn did, peeling the tape off carefully trying not to tear the paper. When Santana tells her to hurry up, she uses a little more force and pulls the rest of the paper off in one go.

She more than a little taken aback when she lifts the present out from it's wrapping. She's speechless.

When they were younger, Brittany had trouble learning to read. The words confused her, the letters looked jumbled and it took her much longer than the other kids to learn. Santana, on the other hand, excelled at reading. She was always given books meant for kids two grades above whatever she was in when they had reading time. Brittany struggled to read material meant for her own age group.

After school and at weekends, Santana used to help Brittany read. With anyone else - even Miss. Hawkins at school, who was incredibly patient - Brittany used to get frustrated quickly because they just didn't understand how she couldn't learn like the other children. Santana, however, had always known how best to speak to Brittany so she understood things easily. They used to sit together in their treehouse and Brittany would bring one book each time, usually one with colorful animals on the cover, and Santana would help her read it from cover to cover.

Brittany's favorite to read - and the first one she ever managed to read the whole way through on her own - was a very worn and battered copy of 'The Cat in the Hat' that her mom had given her, that had been hers when she was a little girl. Brittany found it easiest to read because it rhymed, so she knew what sound the words were meant to make at the end of the lines. Santana knew that Dr. Seuss was her favorite, and used to buy her a new book each year for her birthday. When they started middle school, Santana started buying her things like purses and tops that didn't have very much material because they were _growing up_ and that's what people their age did. Brittany never mentioned to Santana how much she missed getting a new book each year, and how much she missed sitting in their treehouse reading it together.

Sitting in front of her, still slightly covered by the wrapping paper Santana had put it in, is an old copy of 'The Cat In The Hat'. She knows it's not the actual copy that they had when they were younger, because her mom accidentally donated it to Goodwill when she was fifteen, but it's so much like it that it makes her heart flutter with the memories. She opens it up and looks through the pages, smiling at the familiarity of the words as they appear on each page. Its only when she's struggling to see them that she realises she has tears in her eyes.

"Thank you," she says as sincerely as she can. She doesn't even think thank you is enough.

"It's not much, but I know it was your favorite and-"

"-is. Is my favorite," Brittany corrects.

"Okay, _is_ your favorite and I guess everyone should have a copy of their favorite book."

"I love it," Brittany says. She still hasn't been able to tear her eyes away from the book. Quinn watches on, smiling.

"There's something else too," Santana reminds her, when it looks like Brittany hasn't noticed that there's a second part to the present below it. Brittany lifts the book out and sets it on the ground beside her so she can see the second part of her present. It's in an envelope that just has "Britt 3" written on the front in Santana's small writing. Brittany opens it, unsure of what to expect. Inside is a gift certificate entitling her to a day as a zookeeper in Beardsley Zoo in Bridgeport, about half an hour from New Haven. Brittany's face literally lights up like a child on Christmas.

"Oh my god, Santana! Oh... my god!"

"I thought you'd like that," Santana says, smugly. "I asked the guys at the zoo and apparently you'll get to go into the enclosure with the penguins and monkeys and meerkats and whatever else you want. I don't think you're allowed in with the lions or the tigers or-" She's cut off when Brittany launches herself at her and gives her a passionate kiss on the lips. They only break apart when Quinn coughs, reminding them that they aren't alone in the room.

"I love it," Brittany whispers when she pulls back, leaning in to give Santana one last quick peck. She just feels this uncontrollable urge to kiss her and keep kissing her right now, like she can't stop and there's some force attracting her toward her. "I love everything, but most of all I love you."

"I love you too," Santana replies. "Or should I save saying that until _after_ I open my gift from you? Because that could all change in the next few minutes," she jokes.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure you'll like it," Brittany says confidently.

"Can I open mine first? Then I'll give you lovebirds some privacy," Quinn says, snapping both of them out of the moment.

"You don't have to give us privacy, Q. It's your apartment too."

"No really, it's okay. I could do with having a nap anyway. All this excitement is taking it out of me," she replies, smiling.

"Well... as long as you're sure. We don't want you to feel like you can't be in here when we are," Santana says.

"I'm sure. Now, can I open my present?" Brittany hands it to her and Quinn tears off the paper as she had before, revealing a sweater and a signed copy of the Nicholas Sparks book that Brittany managed to get at the conference in September. "Wow, Britt," she says, in awe. "This is amazing! Thank you!" She gets up off the ground and starts making her way to her bedroom. "I think I'll just excuse myself and go start reading this now. I could do with some mindless romance in my life. I'll be out in while and we can watch some crappy Christmas TV tonight, yeah?"

"Sounds good to me," Brittany says.

"Yep, awesome," Santana agrees.

Quinn nods and makes her way into her bedroom. As soon as she's out of sight, Brittany cups Santana's cheeks with her hands and pulls her closer, kissing her with the force and passion she's wanted to all day. Her kiss is firm but she's still gentle, caressing Santana by stroking her thumbs along Santana's cheek where her hands rest. Brittany can feel Santana relax and give in to the feeling of being in the arms of the person you love on Christmas. To the feeling of simply just being loved.

"Mmmmm," Santana mumbles, trying to pull back weakly. "Britt," she manages to say between kisses. "Britt, I still have to open my present."

"Can my kisses just be your present for now?" Brittany struggles out as she tries to keep kissing Santana as she talks. "I like kissing you."

Santana giggles at that and Brittany's heart melts. She hears Santana laugh a lot, but it's usually at movies or someone in the street doing something silly. She doesn't get to hear Santana giggle that much, but when she does it feels precious and rare and Brittany likes to stop what she's doing and just take it all in. When Santana's giggling Brittany knows that she's being herself, and she's not hiding anything. That's when she loves her most. It's working well in Santana's favor that her giggling has made Brittany pull away and look at her like she's the best thing on the planet, because it means she can open her present.

"It's this one, right?" she asks, lifting one of two boxes, holding up a small one that contains the bracelets. Suddenly, Brittany feels inadequate. She feels like she should have gotten Santana more. Both of the bracelets cost probably the same as Santana's gift to her, but it just seems like it's not enough.

"Open the other one first," Brittany says. "That one's kind of your main present, the other one is just something I thought you'd like."

"I should have wrapped yours separately too, Britt," Santana says as she tears the paper off. "I like having more than one present to open." She lifts out the CD first. "This is so awesome!" she squeaks out, her face lighting up with a smile. She turns it over and reads the track listing. "It's got You Oughta Know! As if you could have an Alanis Morrissette CD _without_ it though. It's like, the number one Alanis song. Everyone thinks it's Ironic but nope, they're wrong," Santana says.

"Really?" Brittany laughs, because Santana's babbling without knowing she's doing it and it's maybe in the top three cutest things Brittany's ever seen Santana do.

"Yeah, I mean 'Ironic' is great and everything but have you _heard_ You Oughta Know? I mean, damn, girl can sing," Santana continues.

"I think you maybe made me listen to it a few times in high school," Brittany reminds her.

"A few," Santana says knowingly. "Thank you."

"Next part," Brittany says, pointing back at the dress that's still folded up inside the paper. Santana lifts it out and holds it up, admiring it. "Wow, I am going to look _incredible_ in this..."

"My ever-so-modest girlfriend."

"You know it's true though," Santana winks.

"Why do you think I got you it?" Brittany flirts back.

"So you could take it off me?"

Brittany laughs a proper, hearty laugh. "You know me far, far, far too well Santana Lopez!"

"Mmmmmm, I'd still like to get to know you better though," Santana says flirtatiously.

"Oh, I think we'll get to know each other incredibly well tonight."

"I look forward to it Miss. Pierce."

"Likewise." Brittany blushes slightly because, wow. "You can open the other part now," she says nervously. Santana reaches out and lifts the box, opening it carefully and she actually gasps when she sees what's inside.

"Britt..."

"I know we're older and I know they're not the same as the ones we used to wear but I just thought because we're starting fresh we should get new bracelets. I don't know, I guess I just thought it would be nice to have a reminder of each other all the time like we did when we were younger. I think it would be nice to look down at my wrist if I'm stressed at work and just be able to have this reminder that at the end of the day I'm going home to you and-"

"Breathe, baby." Brittany stops talking and realises that she didn't even give Santana a chance to speak. She's slightly embarrassed. She looks up at Santana who's holding the bracelets in her hands. "What's this mean?" she asks, pointing at the infinity sign.

"Um... it's the symbol for infinity," Brittany explains. "I just wanted something to show you that I'm in this for the long haul now. That I'm serious about us."

"Britt, that's..." Santana trails off, speechless. "Can I put one on for you?"

Brittany nods her head and holds out her wrist for Santana to put one of the bracelets on for her. The way Santana handles her so gently, and takes the utmost care in fastening the bracelet and making sure it's sitting nicely on her wrist, makes Brittany's heart skip a beat. "It looks like it should have always been there," Santana says.

"Yeah," Brittany breathes out, looking down at the bracelet. "Can I put yours on?"

"Here," Santana says, putting her wrist out for Brittany to attach the bracelet. When she's done fastening it they just keep their wrists beside each other admiring their new additions.

"They're perfect, Britt."

"I'm glad you like them," Brittany says, shyly.

"I love them. Really."

Santana moves so she's sitting beside Brittany with her back against the couch, and Brittany moves so she's leaning against it too. Santana leans her head on Brittany's shoulder, and reaches out to take Brittany's hands in her lap. They sit like that, in comfortable silence, just watching the lights on the tree sparkling for a few minutes.

"I think this has been the most perfect Christmas of my whole life," Brittany whispers, breaking the silence.

"Me too," Santana agrees.

"Do you think we can make next Christmas even better?"

"Well, if you can wait a year then we can find out."

Brittany laughs slightly, and holds up her wrist. "I'm in this forever, remember. That's what infinity means. Forever."

"I didn't say you weren't," Santana smiles. "I just know that you can get impatient."

"Not when I get to spend all the days between now and next Christmas with you. Why would I want to rush that?" Brittany asks.

"Hey, if I got to spend every day with me, I wouldn't want to rush it either!"

"Sometimes I think you love you more than I love you, and I love you a lot," Brittany smiles, turning to poke Santana playfully on the nose.

"I don't really think you can measure love like that. Too complicated," Santana protests.

"I agree. As long as you're loved that's all that matters, right?"

Santana turns so she's looking Brittany right in the eye. "Yeah, you're right." There's a pause and then, "How about you show me how much you love both me, and my new dress?" and before Brittany can respond, Santana's on her feet taking her top off and pulling the new dress up over her chest. She walks towards the bedroom, leaving Brittany on the living room floor still trying to work out how the conversation went from cute to sexy in literally one second. Just before she's out of sight, she turns to Brittany. "If you don't hurry up and join me, I'm just going to have to just show myself..."

Brittany chokes on nothing and moves quicker than she ever has in her entire life.

"You're going to be the death of me," is the last thing she manages to say before Santana attaches her lips to Brittany's and maneuveres them both into the bedroom, shutting the door behind them.

* * *

**If you want to know what the bracelets look like, they're like this (but Britt got much more expensive ones!) tinyurl dot com ****/ 6lz7hp3**


	14. Chapter 14

**Quick note first - I was at G2 in Birmingham which was _amazing_ and if any of you were there, you should send me a message or something :) **

* * *

"Britt, hurry up or we're gonna miss the countdown!"

"They can wait," Brittany says casually.

"Britt, I don't think time waits for anyone, especially not on New Year's Eve. It's kind of like a one off thing. You have to celebrate at midnight or you have to wait a year."

"It's only..." Brittany checks her watch, "11.52pm. We have plenty of time. Stop stressing."

"Eight minutes is not 'plenty of time.'"

"Why are you so worked up about this anyway, babe?"

"Because it's nearly midnight!"

"Yeah, and?"

"And we're going to miss the countdown!"

"You do know that it doesn't matter where we are, we can still countdown to midnight, right?"

"I know, but-"

"But nothing," Brittany says, getting up off the bed where she was putting on her boots. She walks over to Santana seductively and wraps her arms around her shoulders. "Why does it matter where we are or who we're with as long as we're with each other?"

"But Quinn brought her friends round and you have yours and they'll think we're being rude if we're not there for the ball dropping..."

"I don't care," Brittany says, rubbing her thumb softly along Santana's bottom lip. "I don't care about them. All I care about is you... and me... and getting to kiss you when the clock strikes twelve."

Santana gulps and coughs a little to clear her throat. "When you put it like that..."

"...sounds a lot more appealing, doesn't it?"

"Everything with you is appealing," Santana says honestly.

"Mmmm. Did you think we'd end the year like this?" Brittany asks.

Santana shakes her head. "Do you think we'll end the year like this next year?"

"If I have anything to do with it we will," Brittany smiles.

"I'm looking forward to it already."

"We need to get this one out of the way first. What time is it now?" Santana takes her phone out and presses a button to make the screen light up. "11.57. Three minutes."

"How would you like to spend your last three minutes of the year?"

"I'd like to kiss you... but I guess I have to wait until midnight for that."

"What else?" Brittany asks.

"Dance with me?" Santana suggests. "Just for a minute. I'll keep my phone out so we don't miss midnight."

"Okay," Brittany says, and she grabs her phone off the nightstand and quickly plays a song.

"I like this one," Santana says, when Brittany comes back over to her and takes her in her arms again.

"I like _you_," Brittany flirts as they start to move to the music.

"I kinda like you too," Santana laughs softly.

"Keep your phone out, we don't wanna miss it," Brittany reminds her.

"It's 11.59, Britt!"

"How do we know when to count down?"

"I can hear the guys out there counting..."

"They're only at thirty, we've plenty of time left."

Santana turns her full attention back to Brittany, blocking out the external noise apart from trying to vaguely pay attention to when they hit ten.

"I've got butterflies in my stomach," Brittany says, and she's pretty sure it has nothing to do with the adrenaline of the count down.

"Me too," Santana replies.

"Here we go! Ten, nine, eight," Brittany starts.

"Seven, six, five," Santana continues.

"Four..."

They both stop counting, becoming absorbed in the moment and begin leaning forward, their eyes fixed on each other's lips. They let the crowd outside count the last three numbers, and as soon as they hear the cheers from the other side of the door indicating that its midnight, their lips touch and they lose themselves in the kiss.

* * *

Three weeks later, Brittany comes bouncing through the door after work, almost unable to hold in her excitement.

"Babe?" she shouts as she takes her heels off in the hall. "Santana, you here?" She takes a few steps into the apartment before she sees Santana in the kitchen, making dinner. Both girls smile when they see each other and Santana wipes her hands on a towel before making her way over to Brittany and giving her a welcome home kiss.

"What's got you so excited?" she asks, when she notices that Brittany can't stand still.

"I think I found it," Brittany squeaks.

"Found what?"

"Our new apartment," Brittany smiles, taking out a print out of a property she's looked at online. "It's affordable, it's close to both our workplaces, it's a nice size and I just think it's really us. What do you think?"

Santana takes the paper from Brittany's hands and looks at the pictures, then reads the specifications underneath. She smiles.

"It defintely looks perfect, Britt," she says, walking over to a stack of papers on the kitchen table. She lifts the top one and hands it to Brittany. "But so does this one that I found."

Brittany laughs. "This is going to take longer than we thought if we both keep finding places we want to move into!"

"Maybe we should look together."

"You want to? We could take a day and go into town and view all the ones we like?"

Santana considers the idea for a second before speaking.

"We should probably tell Quinn that we're looking first. What if she finds a print out of an apartment... it's not fair on her to do it all behind her back."

Brittany slumps and leans up against the table. "You're right. When do you want to tell her?"

"I guess as soon as possible. Tonight?" Santana suggests. "After dinner?"

Brittany nods in agreement. "Okay. Tonight."

* * *

After dinner, Quinn volunteered to wash up saying Santana had cooked for them. She's making her way around the kitchen, putting everything back in place when Santana speaks up.

"We... we need to talk to you about something, Q," Santana says hesitantly.

"Okay?"

"Come sit in here with us," Brittany adds. Quinn makes her way in from the kitchen and sits on the chair. She looks at Brittany and Santana with a slight hint of nerves on her face. She really doesn't know what they're going to say.

"We don't want to put you in an awkward situation or leave you on your own..." Brittany starts.

"...but we've kind of been looking for our own apartment over the past few weeks," Santana finishes. "We didn't want to tell you until we were sure that we could afford it and the holidays were out of the way but we've started to find a few we think we might like and - why are you so happy?"

Santana looks at Quinn, who is absolutely beaming at both of them, and she doesn't understand why Quinn's so happy about this. Surely it's going to be stressful and she's going to have to find a roommate or, if she wants to, she's going to have to live own her own and pay all the bills by herself. Santana really doesn't understand why she's smiling.

"It's just- It's just perfect!" Quinn laughs and claps her hands together. "God, this is just so _perfect!_"

Brittany looks at Santana with just as much confusion and they both look back at Quinn.

"You heard us right, didn't you? That we want to move out and get our own place?" Brittany clarifies.

"Of course I heard you, and seriously, this couldn't have come at a better time. You know Morgan from my contracts class? She has a house and she's been renting the other room to this guy Adam for the past year, but he's leaving at the end of February and she asked if I knew anyone who could move in with her."

"I don't think that's what we have in mind, Q," Brittany says. "We kind of want our own place."

"I don't mean _you_ move there, I mean _I_ should," Quinn clarifies.

"We're not asking you to move out Quinn," Santana say sincerely. "This is your apartment."

"I know, I know, but I said to her that I could have moved in but I wanted to stay here to help you with rent and I didn't want you feeling like I was uncomfortable living with you guys now you're back together, because I'm not. I love living with you, but I think maybe we all need our own space."

"Wow," Brittany mouths at Santana.

"You're sure?" Santana asks.

"Of course. I mean, it's less rent than here because I'm just renting a room and it's closer to campus so I can finish this year and... well, when college is over who knows what's going to happen?"

"So... we can live here?"

"It's less hassle for you. I mean, it means we're only moving one person's stuff out instead of two, and it saves me trying to find someone to live here with me to cover the bills."

"This seems too good to be true," Santana says, wary that Quinn is going to regret her decision.

"I know, right?" Quinn replies. "I guess sometimes things just fall into place."

"You're really serious about this?" Brittany asks, needing to make sure.

Quinn looks between them and a feeling washes over her that lets her know that this is exactly how things are meant to be. "I'm serious," she says, and smiles as she watches Santana grip Brittany's hand tighter. "I'm keeping my key though, so I can come visit whenever I like..." she smiles.

Santana laughs. "We're going to have to be on our guard then, Britt," she says, nudging her playfully. "No spontaneous make out sessions on the couch." Brittany pouts, and Santana kisses it away, mouthing the words "joking, I'm joking babe!" against her lips as she does.

"Are you guys ever _not_ going to be like two horny teenagers?" Quinn asks.

Santana looks at her very seriously before replying. "If this," she starts, pointing to Brittany, "was your girlfriend, would _you _be able to keep your hands off her?"

"I'm straight, Santana," Quinn laughs.

"And good thing too, because I wouldn't want to have to fight you for her," Santana replies.

"You wouldn't have to worry about that anyway," Brittany says, laying her head on Santana's shoulder. "Quinn's not my type," she whispers into Santana's ear. She turns shy then and mouths a small "sorry" to Quinn, who lets out a chuckle and mouths back "it's okay."

They sit in comfortable silence for a few moments, until Quinn brings things back on track. "So... the living arrangements. Everyone's happy?"

Santana turns her head and makes eye contact with Brittany, smiling softly. "More than happy."

"Me too," Brittany agrees, never looking away from Santana.

"Okay, great, I'm just going to call Morgan and let her know her search for a roommate is over," Quinn says, standing up. "She's going to be so relieved that she doesn't have to live with some creeper she doesn't know."

"Yeah, but instead she has to live with some creeper she _does _know, and that's probably worse," Santana jokes, finally taking her attention away from Brittany.

"I'm really going to miss living with you guys," Quinn says honestly, before making her way over to them and wrapping her arms around them both in a hug.

"Besties for life, right?" Brittany reminds them.

"Yeah, Britt," Quinn and Santana reply at the same time.

* * *

Adam leaves a few days early, so to make things easier before moving day, Quinn takes a few smaller things over a bit at a time. Every morning, Brittany wakes up to Santana and smiles, knowing that in a week or so the apartment will be entirely theirs and they won't have to worry about being interrupted by Quinn or if she'll be home for dinner or if she wants coffee in the morning when they're getting up. The closer it gets to Quinn's actual moving day, something begins to shift within Brittany and she realises just how much she's going to miss those things. She's been living with Quinn for three years now and, honestly, if it hadn't been for Quinn letting her stay after she broke up with Santana, she doesn't know what her life would be like now. Quinn made sure that Brittany stayed active and healthy, made sure that she got out of bed in the morning and took a shower, made sure she kept her life going even though it felt like it was ending. Brittany owes Quinn more than she can put into words.

So, when she starts realising that there are only half the amount of books on the bookcase in the living room, or that there aren't as many mugs in the cupboards anymore, she can't hold it in any longer.

It takes her a moment to realise she's actually crying, and when she does she tries her best to control it. Santana hears her, even though she tries her very hardest to stay silent. Brittany keeps her head down and leans against the kitchen counter, not turning around when she hears Santana's footsteps coming closer.

"Britt?" Santana whispers. Brittany can't bring herself to reply. The words are stuck inside by the lump in her throat and if she tries to talk she knows she'll cry harder, and she doesn't want Santana seeing her like this. She doesn't want Santana to think that she's upset about them living together.

Brittany feels Santana's arm wrap around her waist, and feels her breath on her cheek as Santana leans forward trying to see Brittany's face. "Hey," Santana says softly, taking Brittany's hands in her own where they meet in front of Brittany's stomach. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

Brittany swallows and shakes her head and wills herself to say something, anything at all. When she doesn't, Santana releases her grip and turns Brittany around so she can look at her. "It's okay," Santana reassures her, pulling her in for a hug. When Brittany wraps her arms around her, she lets go. Santana just rubs her back softly and waits for her to calm down.

"I'm going to miss her so much," Brittany manages after a few minutes, and she feels Santana's body relax at the admission. She knows Santana was probably worrying that she'd changed her mind about them living together, or that something had happened at work.

"I know, babe," Santana soothes. "I know."

Brittany pulls back from their hug and leans against the counter again, wiping away the tears on her cheeks. She finally makes eye contact with Santana and almost cries again when she sees the love and affection there. "I - I don't want you to think that I'm not excited about us living together, because I am," Brittany starts, and Santana melts, giving her a sad smile in response. "But it's just... Quinn's helped me through so much and - and I just - I don't know where I'd be without her." It's barely noticeable, but Santana flinches at the mention of Brittany going 'through so much' and Brittany feels awful because yes, she meant their breakup, but she didn't mean to make Santana feel guilty about that again. Much to Santana's credit though, she just nods and smiles in understanding.

"Yeah, she's pretty amazing, isn't she?" Santana says.

Brittany softens completely and wonders what she did to ever deserve either of these girls in her life. "She's definitely something."

"Do you want to do something special for her moving out?" Santana suggests, and Brittany's eyebrow rises in interest.

"Like what?"

"I don't know," Santana shrugs. "Like a mini party with just us? Or I could help you make a scrapbook for her or something?" Santana becomes shy all of a sudden. "I don't know, I'm awful at this sort of thing."

Brittany looks at her, all shy and loving, and she thinks that she can actually feel herself falling even more in love. All of her sadness about Quinn is gone, and has been replaced by nothing but her complete love for Santana. "That sounds really good."

Santana smiles widely. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Brittany nods. "I'd really like to do something to show her how much I've loved living with her, and you can join in too because I know you've enjoyed living with her even though you pretend you don't."

"I didn't hide that so well, did I?" Santana smirks.

"You've never been so good at hiding what you really feel," Brittany reminds her. She reaches out and grabs Santana's hand where it is hanging limply by her side. "I just want you to know something though," Brittany starts, and Santana gives her her full attention. "Even though I might be upset about not having Quinn around for a while, you have to know that living with you is the one thing that I know will make me happy. So please never, ever think that I want to live with Quinn again, or that I regret living with you, because you're all I've ever wanted."

"Really?" Santana whispers.

"You're all I'm ever going to want."

Santana swallows, trying to keep her emotions at bay. "Me too. And it's okay to miss Quinn for a while. It'll take time to adjust."

"Yeah, I know."

"I love you," Santana says, in a way that lets Brittany know that those words are the absolute truth. It takes her breath away a little.

"I love you too," Brittany replies.

* * *

Quinn decides her moving day will be on Saturday when everyone's off work, so they plan a girls night in on Friday to mark the end of the era.

"You excited?" Brittany asks, as they finish off the pizza they're sharing.

"It'll be strange," Quinn replies. "Not just being somewhere new, but not having you guys there all the time."

"Are you sure you didn't mean 'it'll be good?'" Santana jokes.

"As much as you like to think you're a nightmare to live with Santana, it's actually been great having you around."

"Well... I suppose living with you wasn't so bad either, Q. And hey, you never know, if Morgan ever annoys you enough that you need somewhere to crash you know where we are."

"I think I'll be okay, but thanks anyway," Quinn says, genuinely touched by the gesture.

"We got you something," Brittany interjects. "To remember us by."

Quinn looks from Brittany to Santana, and she can feel herself becoming emotional. "You guys... you didn't have to get me anything. Having a night in with my girls was enough."

"We couldn't let you leave without letting you know how much we've enjoyed living with you," Brittany says. "Both of us." She leans over the side of the couch and lifts up a gift bag she's had hidden there since the start of the night. There's a card inside, and a wrapped gift. Quinn takes it from her with a smile.

"Honestly, you didn't have to."

"We wanted to," Santana says, leaning in to rest her head on Brittany's shoulder. Brittany cuddles into her and watches Quinn open her card first and then her present.

She peels the paper off carefully and then they hear her gasp. "Oh my god..."

"It's just something to remember all the good times by," Brittany explains as Quinn opens the scrapbook and flicks through the pages. They decided to start back in high school, so there are pictures of them in Glee club and on the Cheerios and even some of them backstage at West Side Story and one of them in Quinn's hospital room after the crash. As the pages progress, Santana suddenly disappears from the pictures, as does the sparkle in Brittany's eyes, but a few pages later both return and it feels right again.

There's a blank page entitled "The night before everything changed (for the better)" and Quinn looks confused.

"We'll take pictures tonight and stick them there," Santana explains.

"And we wrote 'for the better' because we guess that's what's happening... I mean, you're moving on to bigger and better things and you'll be graduating college soon, and we're finally going to get settled, and it just... it feels like everything's going to change for the better now, don't you think?"

Quinn runs her fingers absentmindely over the blank page in front of her, and flicks through the rest of the blank pages in the book wondering what they're going to be filled with. "Yeah," she whispers. "Yeah, you're right."

* * *

"Quinn, what the hell do you have in these boxes?" Santana asks as she struggles into Morgan's house. "I swear you're giving me all the heavy ones."

"You chose what you wanted to lift, Santana," Quinn reminds her. "And it isn't my fault you chose the one that says 'books' on the side."

"Are your books made of lead or something?" Santana struggles a few more steps and finally sets the box down beside the others they've already brought in. There isn't that much left to move from their apartment into Quinn's new place because she's taken most of it over already, but the things that are left are books and furniture and all the heavy things that Santana really wishes that she hadn't volunteered to carry.

"Oh come on babe, you're strong," Brittany says, smiling. She's carrying a box as if it weighs nothing and Santana feels weak for a second, until Brittany sets it down and she sees the words 'pillows' on the side. "You carried me from the front door to the bedroom a few nights ago," she reminds Santana, and Santana coughs and splutters because she doesn't mind Quinn hearing that sort of thing saying she's grown up with them, but she only met Morgan a week ago and she's really not the type to discuss her sex life with someone she hardly knows.

"Calm down Santana," Morgan laughs. "Quinn's told me all about you guys." Santana looks at Quinn who isn't really meeting her eyes, wondering what the hell she told her. Brittany smiles and takes Santana by the hand, leading her out of the house to the van again to carry more boxes in. "Come on muscles," she teases. "Maybe I can help you carry a box this time and it won't be so difficult?" Santana tuts, and that makes Brittany smile even more, so she kisses her softly on the cheek.

"How many boxes are there left to bring in?" Santana asks, trying hard pretending to be annoyed but failing.

"Just a few," Brittany says. "Then we can head home to _our_ apartment."

Santana's ice melts completely at the thought.

* * *

It takes three more hours until they're finally heading home because Morgan and Quinn insisted they had a mini house warming for the occasion, so Brittany and Santana had stayed for some Chinese food and a few drinks before getting a cab home.

They make their way up the stairs to their apartment hand in hand, giggling every few steps as the alcohol affects them. Brittany stops outside the door as Santana fumbles in her pocket trying to find the key. When she does, she goes to put it in the lock to open the door when Brittany's hand on her shoulder stops her.

"Wait," she says.

"Huh?" Santana asks in confusion.

"This is a special moment, we shouldn't rush it," Brittany whispers. "This is our first time coming home to our apartment."

Santana steps back cautiously and looks at the door as if it has suddenly transformed into something incredible and, in a way, it has. When they open this door, it's kind of like stepping into the future, into this new chapter in their lives.

"This is really happening," Brittany says, and she looks at Santana in adoration. She's never felt so happy, so content, or so relaxed in her entire life.

"Yeah," Santana breathes out. "Yeah, it is."

"Are you happy?" Brittany asks shyly.

Santana's brow furrows in confusion, and she shakes her head. "Am I happy? Britt, what sort of question is that? Of course I'm happy. I'm the happiest I've _ever _been."

Brittany blushes. "I just wanted to check."

Santana reaches her arm around Brittany's waist and pulls her closer. She brushes a few stray strands of hair out of Brittany's face and looks at her lovingly. "A year ago, I was in a relationship I didn't even want to be in and I was thinking about you every day, wishing I could just get you back somehow. I never, ever dreamt that it would actually happen. You've made my dreams come true," she finishes in a whisper. Tears are building up in Brittany's eyes.

"You too," Brittany replies.

"You ready to go in? Or are we gonna stay out in the hall all night?" Santana teases.

"Together?" Brittany says, reaching down to take Santana's hand firmly in her own and she reaches out with the other to open the door.

"Together," Santana echoes.

The door opens and they make their way inside, closing it behind them. "We're home," Brittany says quietly. The words make her stomach do flips.

"It looks bigger," Santana states, looking around.

"That's cos there's less stuff here, silly," Brittany laughs. "Of course it's gonna look bigger."

"Well yeah, but it just feels a lot more... open or something."

"Maybe it's because it's actually your apartment now? And you're not just staying with us?"

"I think it's going to take me a while to realise that this is real and is actually happening," Santana says. "I can't believe I actually get to come home to you every night in an apartment that's just ours."

"Yeah, it feels good doesn't it?"

"Really good. Almost too good."

"It feels right though," Brittany says warmly.

"Definitely right," Santana agrees.

"This is just the beginning for us now."

Santana nods. "We've so much ahead of us."

"Are you scared?" Brittany asks playfully, nudging Santana in the side.

"Scared? Of spending the rest of my life with you?"

"The rest of your life, huh?"

"If you want to," Santana flirts, placing her hands on Brittany's sides and moving them down until they come to rest low on Brittany's back.

Suddenly, Brittany goes tense and she looks uneasy. She doesn't know why she's even thinking this, but sometimes she misses obvious hints, so she just needs to ask. "You're... you're not... asking, are you? I mean, you're not thinking about that... not yet?"

It takes Santana a moment to work out what she means, and it's only when she replays their conversation in her head that it clicks into place. When it does, her eyes go wide and it takes her a second to gain back the power of speech.

"No! No, no, I'm not asking," she protests, and she notices an unreadable expression on Brittany's face. "Not that I wouldn't, because I would, but I'm not right now. Of course I'm _thinking_ about it, I think about it all the time but I want to wait until the time is right and until we've settled in and we can afford a house and a wedding and maybe even kids one day... and, no, I'm not asking right now but when I do - and I will - it'll be special. It'll be even more special than you and you'll know. You'll know I'm asking," she says all at once, hardly pausing to take a breath.

Brittany stares at her blankly for a moment. "Kids?"

"Maybe one day," Santana replies quietly.

"How many?"

"I don't know... like two? Maybe three? More than one though because I want them to have a brother or sister to play with."

Brittany smiles at that. "And you think we'd be good parents?"

"I think I'd learn to be, but I think you..." Santana trails off as a lump forms in her throat. Brittany just watches her intently. "You'd be an incredible mom without even trying."

Brittany doesn't know what to say, so instead she lets her body do the talking and leans in to press her lips against Santana's. Santana parts her lips slightly and Brittany lets out a slight moan as the kiss deepens. Santana's hands move from the bottom of Brittany's back, up under her top, stroking gently along her back until her hands reach Brittany's bra clasp. As Brittany feels Santana start to fumble trying to open it, she pulls back.

"Not here," Brittany breathes out. "We can do it here every other night, but tonight is special. Bedroom," Brittany states and Santana just nods, before making her way there.

* * *

Brittany stirs slightly in her sleep and begins to wake when she feels the softness of lips on her own.

"Good morning, beautiful," she hears Santana's voice say before she's even opened her eyes to see her. "It's our first morning living together on our own."

Brittany finally opens her eyes, and sees Santana leaning up on one elbow looking at her. She hasn't fixed her hair or put on any makeup yet, but to Brittany she's never been more beautiful.

"Can we just stay in bed all day and cuddle?" Brittany suggests, draping an arm over Santana's waist.

"That sounds perfect, but I need food first. I'll make us something and bring it to you in bed," she says, pulling the blankets off and putting on an over sized t-shirt. "I'll be right back," she says, making her way out of the room.

Brittany watches her as she leaves. Her perfectly toned legs, her bed hair, the way her feet make dull noises on the floorboards as she walks. When Santana disappears out of view, Brittany leans her head back on the pillow and breathes out contentedly, letting the feeling of being in love wash over her completely.


	15. Epilogue

**Well, here we are. There was meant to be a chapter between the last one I posted and this, but I realised it was just filler and didn't actually add to the story so I decided to leave it out. I might post it as a one shot some time! **

**I want to thank everyone who took the time to read, rec, favourite, alert and review this story. I never imagined it would get such a response and it really has been amazing to know that people enjoy reading what I enjoy writing. I remade my tumblr so you can follow me there - itainthardtryin - but other than that, it's been a fun ride! Until next time... ;)**

* * *

_December, Five Years Later_

Brittany sighs as she sits at her desk. She understands that she has an important role to play at the newspaper, and she's taking over from Michael when he retires in March, but she just doesn't understand why she has to work today of all days. Surely one day a year isn't too much to ask to take off, especially when that day is her five year anniversary with Santana.

She's shaken from her thoughts by the sound of her phone ringing in her bag, so she leans down to take it out before answering it.

"Hey, baby," she says when she answers, glad that it is Santana and not someone else.

"Hey yourself," Santana flirts back. "How's work?"

"Ugh, don't talk to me about work. I'm still pissed that I couldn't get today off and on top of that Michael is sending me to report at some exclusive event tonight before I go home so I probably won't even be home until, like, seven and I just... I just want to spend today cuddling with you in bed, and then take you out somewhere fancy," she finishes, defeated.

"Hey, don't worry about it, we can cuddle when you get home and celebrate tomorrow?"

Brittany sighs. "It's not the same! _Today's_ our anniversary, not tomorrow."

"I know, I know, but I guess we're just going to have to make do with what we can get."

"Why are you so okay with this? If you had to work all day on our anniversary I'd be annoyed with you," Brittany admits quietly.

"Because I know you tried to get it off and I know it's not your fault that you couldn't. That and the fact that I know you're still coming home to me and I still get to go to sleep beside you tonight and wake up beside you tomorrow."

Brittany sighs. She knows she's probably overreacting and that Santana is right. She calms down a little. "I love you, you know."

"Yeah, I kinda had an idea," Santana says and Brittany can hear the smile in her voice. "I love you, too."

"I should get back to work, I've a lot to do," Brittany says sadly.

"Oh, okay. I'll see you later though, yeah?"

"Trust me, I'll be home as soon as I can," Brittany assures her. "I wish I could talk longer but it's just I have so much to do and-"

"Shhhh," Santana interrupts. "I understand. I'll see you later, okay? I love you."

"I love you, too. Bye."

"Bye."

The line clicks off and Brittany feels like she could scream in frustration. She just wants to spend the day with Santana. She returns her attention to the screen in front and opens an unread e-mail to distract herself. Today is going to be a long day.

* * *

She leaves the office at half four to make her way to Repertory Theatre at Yale where Michael's organised for her to attend an exclusive showing of a new musical. Usually, she'd be over the moon with the opportunity to report about something new, but today she wants to be anywhere else.

She parks her car and walks around to the front door. As she approaches she's a little confused, because usually there'd be more journalists, or at least just _people_ at something like this, but there's no-one around. She checks the e-mail with the details on her phone and she's definitely got the right date, right place and right time. She sighs and makes her way towards the door. As she gets closer she notices a young man at the door in a suit. He's smiling at her as she approaches.

"Miss. Pierce?" he says.

Brittany eyes him suspiciously. "Yes?"

"We're expecting you. Follow me, you're just in time."

Brittany starts to panic a little. Is she really that frustrated with everything that she's so late that everyone else is already inside? Is she holding the whole show up? She shakes it off, as she's never been one to let her personal life affect her work. No, she's ten minutes early for the time Michael told her. She follows the man inside and he holds the door into the theatre open for her. She walks past him and stops dead.

"Um... are you sure we're in the right place?" she asks him when she sees that the theatre is completely empty.

"I'm sure," he says with a grin. "I'll show you to your seat." He starts walking down the aisle to the front of the theatre and Brittany watches him for a few seconds before following hesitantly. He leads her to the front and points to a seat right in the center of the row.

"Here," he says. "The show will start in a few minutes."

"But there's no-one h-"

"The show will begin shortly, Miss. Pierce," he interrupts. "Please take your seat."

Brittany looks at him, confused. "Thank you," she says shyly as she makes her way past him to sit down. When she does she takes a moment to look around. She watches the man walk back towards the door and make his way outside, leaving her alone. There is no sign of anything around her and she has no idea what's happening. This is taking 'exclusive showing' to a whole new level.

Suddenly, the lights dim and a single light appears on the stage in front of her. The curtain lifts, revealing a piano on the stage but nothing else. A woman makes her way out and sits on the stool at the piano, and a few seconds later a girl Brittany recognises as a dancer from the company she comes to watch every few weeks follows her out and stands in the center of the stage. The girl smiles at her and then nods her head at the woman at the piano to start playing.

Brittany relaxes a little and gets excited at the same time. Does she really have a private showing of a new musical? Are these the perks of the job when you get to the top? But then as soon as the first notes begin to pierce the silence all of the air is sucked from her lungs and she finds herself almost gasping for breath. The girl begins moving across the stage gracefully as the woman at the piano plays 'Songbird' softly.

She goes deaf and blind to anything else as her attention focuses fully on the girl on the stage. She watches intently as the dancer moves to the rhythm of the music and Brittany loses herself in it. It's only when leans forward with her elbows on her knees that she feels the wetness on her cheeks and she realises she's crying. The realisation, without the comfort that usually follows - a shoulder to lean her head on, a kiss on her forehead -, just reminds her that she isn't with Santana today and she should be. The tears don't stop as she replays Santana in high school singing this song to her with the most love and honesty she's ever seen.

The girl moves so smoothly and with such grace that Brittany is taken aback. She's always loved dance. There is something so beautiful about someone tell a story with their body that has always fascinated her, and this girl in front of her is doing just that. She doesn't know how, but she swears that this dance is expressing her relationship with Santana. Usually the arts are open for interpretation, Brittany knows that better than anyone saying she's been reporting them for seven years, but there's something about this performance that makes her one hundred percent sure that there is only one meaning.

Before she knows it, the song is over and the silence is almost deafening. Brittany feels an overwhelming urge to clap, so she does. The noise echoes through the empty theatre. The dancer bows a little and smiles at Brittany before walking off the stage, taking the pianst with her.

There are a few more seconds of silence before Brittany hears the clicking of heels coming onto the stage, and then she's there.

Santana's on the stage looking so beautiful that it takes everything in Brittany's body to stop her getting up out of her seat and running up to kiss her. Brittany looks Santana up and down, taking in every single detail about her. How she's wearing new shoes, how her skin tight turqoise dress hugs her figure in all the right places, how her smile is the most perfect thing Brittany's ever seen.

Santana makes her way to the center of the stage and it's only when she stops and turns to Brittany that she realises Santana has a microphone. Santana raises it and begins speaking.

"Brittany," she begins, and Brittany can hear how much her voice is shaking from that one word alone. "I know you're probably wondering what all of this is about, and you'll find out soon, but first I just... Thank you for coming. I know you probably didn't want to take on extra work on our anniversary but I wanted it to be a surprise and it turns out Michael is really good at keeping secrets," Santana says with a smile. Brittany is speechless.

"I needed this to be a surprise. You deserve the best and I wanted to give you it... I wanted to do something special that you'd remember."

Brittany goes to reply and Santana smiles. "Let me finish, baby. I have some things I need to say first." Brittany opens and closes her mouth a few times as if deciding whether she should keep quiet, but after a moment she decides that Santana's gone to a lot of effort to plan this so she should respect that. Even if it is killing her inside not being able to tell Santana how beautiful she looks right now.

"Brittany, you've been my girlfriend, my best friend, and my better half for five years today. Well, technically, you've been almost all of those things since the day I met you," Santana smiles, the first signs of happy tears showing in her eyes. "Every single day I wake up beside you and I honestly believe I'm the luckiest woman in the world. All I ever wanted with you when we were teenagers was a first chance, but I was lucky enough that you gave me a first chance _and _a second chance. When I lost you that first time I thought that was it."

Brittany can feel a lump rising in her throat and her vision is beginning to blur with tears. She brings a hand up to wipe them away so she can see Santana properly again.

"For so long I imagined how our lives would be. How you'd meet someone who'd love you and take care of you and you'd settle. I'd do the same and we'd never cross paths again. Sometimes I even thought I'd be okay with life ending up that way as long as you were happy. All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy," Santana says honestly, and Brittany mouths the words "I am" back to her. Santana melts a little.

"But the thing is... whoever you met or whoever I met and we settled down with - that's all it would ever be. Just settling. We'd have been settling for second best. I've always known, deep down in my heart, that no-one, not one other person on this goddamn planet, will ever, ever be able to love you as much as I do. If there's anything I've ever been completely certain of in my life, it's that. I will love you like no other person ever will, Brittany."

Brittany swallows. She wants to say the words back but she doesn't think she can. It feels like the words are stuck in her chest somewhere.

"Sometimes when I look at you and realise that you're my girlfriend, that you chose _me _over everyone else... sometimes I just have to pinch myself because I can't believe that I get to call someone as beautiful as you, mine. You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen, Britt. You have the most beautiful smile, and your eyes... I could just get lost in them. And your heart... well, it might be the most beautiful part of you. You see the best in people even when they don't deserve it and you do everything you can to be nice to people and do the right thing... and I... I love that about you," Santana says, her voice cracking on the words.

Brittany sees her face turn determined as she begins to walk across the stage to the side. She sets the microphone down and picks something up, before making her way down the few steps and walking over so she's standing right in front of Brittany. When Santana's this close, Brittany can't help it when she reaches out to hold Santana's hand. Santana smiles as she takes it in her own. "I love you," Brittany manages to choke out through her tears.

"I love you, too. And that's why... that's why I want to make sure that you know that every single day for the rest of your life. I want you to know that whatever life throws your way - _our_ way - whatever happens, no matter how much things change or how difficult things become, I will always, always love you."

Reluctantly, Santana takes her hand from Brittany's and begins to lower herself to one knee. For the first time, Brittany realises that the object in Santana's other hand is a box. For a ring. Santana raises it and opens the lid, so the diamond ring is facing Brittany.

"Britt, nothing would make me happier than spending the rest of my life with you. Would you... will you marry me?" Santana almost whispers, as her nerves threaten to take over.

Brittany feels like her heart is going to leap out of her chest. She's never felt this happy in her entire life. She didn't even know it was _possible _to feel this happy. To feel like you're overflowing with it, like you can't even contain it. She's crying harder now, but she's smiling even more and the words are still so difficult to say past the lump in her throat, but she laughs as she manages to choke out a "yes."

Santana's face changes, and she looks like how Brittany feels and then Brittany can't stop saying "yes, yes, yes," as she wipes at her eyes and laughs in disbelief because she's engaged to Santana. They're _engaged._

Santana laughs back at her, sharing the feeling and lifts the ring out of the box. She sets the box on the ground before reaching out to take Brittany's left hand in her own. She pauses slightly before putting the ring on her finger. "Yeah?" she asks, still not really believing that this is real.

Brittany nods in confirmation and that's all Santana needs to slip the ring onto her fiancée's finger. They both admire it for a second, how right it looks. Santana looks away first, leaning up so she's on both knees in front of Brittany. She puts one hand softly on each of Brittany's cheeks, pulling her attention away from the ring and back to her.

"I love you," Santana says, and then she's kissing her. They're kissing like it's what they were born to do. The whole world shrinks to this one place, this one woman who's kissing her, and Brittany can't think of anywhere else in the world she'd rather be. It's only then that she realises that this is where she's going to be for the rest of her life. With this woman in her arms, in her mind, in her heart. One day she's going to share a last name with her, share the joy of becoming a parent with her, share every high and low point in her life with her. She feels the weight of the ring on her finger and thinks of the promises it holds, the ones they'll make one day. For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do us part.

Her kisses become deep and passionate as she tries to express everything she's feeling through them. She soon becomes breathless and reluctantly breaks away from Santana's lips, closing her eyes and concentrating on the feeling of Santana's hands on her cheeks and the sound of her breath.

She opens her eyes a second later, and immediately meets Santana's watery brown ones staring back at her.

"We're engaged," Brittany whispers, like it's a secret, like she can't believe it.

"We're engaged," Santana echoes in the same disbelieving tone.

"We're going to get married."

"We're going to get married," Santana echoes again, with a radiant smile on her face.

Brittany's eyes widen slightly. "You're... going to be my wife."

It seems that Santana hadn't fully let the thought sink in either because her breath hitches as the truth sinks in.

"And you're going to be mine," she whispers.

"I can't... I can't believe you did all this for me," Brittany says, as she finally remembers to thank Santana. "It was perfect, it was... I'll remember this forever. Thank you."

"Anything for you," Santana smiles back. The look in her eyes lets Brittany know that it's the absolute truth, that there are no limits to what Santana would do for her.

"But what happens now? Because this means I don't get to propose to you... I don't get to make you feel this special..."

"You already do," Santana says, running her thumbs over Brittany's cheeks softly.

Brittany lets out a shaky laugh. She doesn't know how she's going to get through life if Santana keeps taking her breath away like this and leaving her speechless. "Do you have anything else planned for this evening or can I take my fiancee home and show her how much I love her?" Brittany asks.

"Oh babe, I have a whole lifetime of surprises for you, and I'm just getting started..."


End file.
